pepsi

pepsi sucks. they spend millions on endorsement deals with stars like david beckham and beyonce knowles and still no one fucking drinks pepsi. then they have to waste more money to endorse more stars and hope that people start drinking. but still, no one drinks pepsi. it's not even a vicious cycle. it's plain simple retardation.

so why does pepsi suck so bad? it's because they endorse stupid people like david beckham and beyonce, paying them millions to drink pepsi. the millions and the large amounts of pepsi in their bodies cause them to become retarded, and since no one likes retarded people, no one supports pepsi.

if you're reading this and think "no, i love pepsi and i love retards," i hereby congratulate you and hope that you would grow up with the ambition of marrying a retard and producing many many retarded kids which would be hated by the world and murdered. heck, it could even spawn a new breed of retard-lovers who would also wish to marry retards. therefore, i predict that in the not-so-distant future, humans would only consist of retards.

then again, there are people who genuinely suffer from severe brain damage resulting from oxygen deficiency due to being stuck inside their mothers' womb for too long while she was in labour because they didn't like the bright light that was shining into the hole and funny noises coming from out there going "PUSH! PUSH!". this causes them to like taiwanese gaybands like f4, 5566 and energy. other side effects include TyPiNg LiKe ThIs. poor little things.