stars
i've decided that i hate stars. stars as in those in the sky, not stupid celebrities. after a long long long time without seeing any stars due to overcast skies, i finally saw 1 the day before yesterday. then last night, there were many.
then as i was looking at the stars, i re-realised (re-realised because i knew this long ago, but forgotten about it) that the light i currently see was probably given out hundreds or thousands or millions of years ago. then i thought, "fuck, this fucking light was produced during the time of the dinosaurs, and i'm only seeing it now." and then, i re-realised that life is totally completely insignificant.
it then re-ignited my fear of death, or rather the fear of what happens after death. and i wondered if i would be in heaven or hell, if they existed, or would i be just dead. it would be really a big pity if someone were a staunch christian/muslim/buddhist/whatever for his whole life only to die and discover that he was loyal to a being that does not exist.
imagine the sadness of a muslim suicide bomber who believed that he would become a martyr after blowing himself up, only to find himself in front of saint peter's gate and then promptly banished to hell. but i am not saying that the muslim faith is bullshit. in fact, i do not believe in any religion basically because i do not know what to believe in. perhaps the 'real' gods were from some extinct greek religion. who knows?
then i re-realised that everything that is around me will be gone in a matter of years. everything will be gone. that someday, i will be an old man, lying in bed waiting to die. then maybe then i'll think about myself when i was 16, blogging about what i'd be like when i was 80 and dying, and thinking how fast time passes.
see? all this shit and sadness just from looking at some fucking stars. fuck the stars. i now officially hate them. or maybe i'm just thinking too much.
then as i was looking at the stars, i re-realised (re-realised because i knew this long ago, but forgotten about it) that the light i currently see was probably given out hundreds or thousands or millions of years ago. then i thought, "fuck, this fucking light was produced during the time of the dinosaurs, and i'm only seeing it now." and then, i re-realised that life is totally completely insignificant.
it then re-ignited my fear of death, or rather the fear of what happens after death. and i wondered if i would be in heaven or hell, if they existed, or would i be just dead. it would be really a big pity if someone were a staunch christian/muslim/buddhist/whatever for his whole life only to die and discover that he was loyal to a being that does not exist.
imagine the sadness of a muslim suicide bomber who believed that he would become a martyr after blowing himself up, only to find himself in front of saint peter's gate and then promptly banished to hell. but i am not saying that the muslim faith is bullshit. in fact, i do not believe in any religion basically because i do not know what to believe in. perhaps the 'real' gods were from some extinct greek religion. who knows?
then i re-realised that everything that is around me will be gone in a matter of years. everything will be gone. that someday, i will be an old man, lying in bed waiting to die. then maybe then i'll think about myself when i was 16, blogging about what i'd be like when i was 80 and dying, and thinking how fast time passes.
see? all this shit and sadness just from looking at some fucking stars. fuck the stars. i now officially hate them. or maybe i'm just thinking too much.
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