china says i am china
today, i recieved a letter from doctor bobby mak, assistant director of pupil placement, school placement & scholarship branch in the corporate services division for permenant secretary of education.
WHOA. imagine what he's gonna say when someone asks him what he works as.
anyway, doctor mak is not a real doctor. doctors do not work as assistant directors of pupil placement, school placement & scholarship branch in the corporate services division for permenant secretary of education.
first of all, this reminds me of the time i spelled truman doctrine as doctorine in some test last year, earning me an entire years' praise from my dear history teacher.
back on topic, doctor mak's letter didn't really interest me since it was telling me something that i already know. no, he wasn't informing me that my hiv test turned out positive. first, he told me my nric number, then, i got posted into ngee ann polytechnic in the business studies course. all things that i already know, and further points numbered 2 to 7. i searched high and low, but number 1 was no where to be found. see, never be first. your friends will hate you and isolate you to the point of suicide.
more tales from china... our tour guide was from beijing, and he was one patriotic man. he is the first person i know that believes that taiwan rightfully belongs to china, taiwanese president 'ah bian' is an idiot, chairman mao was a great leader, communism rules, and so on. he even believes that there are hard facts behind fengshui, which is rather surprising, since it has almost no connection with modern science.
don't be mistaken, he is a great guy. jolly fat guy. he told us interesting tales about the past which i've never learned in school. like how india once sent soldiers onto china territory which it claimed belongs to them. the china government sent a message to the united nations, telling them that they are going to bomb the area, and to get the indians out.
however the stupid indians didn't budge, and so they got bombed to death. "after all, the land was ours, and we can bomb where ever we want to," he said.
chinese emperors like to waste space. their palaces are enormous, with big houses and stuff like that. but they have houses to sleep in, houses to eat in, houses to work in, all of which are spaced far apart. this means that when they wake up, they have to be carried all the way over to their eating house to eat, and then to their working house to do their business, then back over to the eating house for lunch and so on.
which is why they are so damn stupid. if i were an emperor, i would build a big big big house with everything in it, instead of many many big houses with nothing in them. some people may argue that the emperors have to keep up their image with the people, and having a small(er) sized house doesn't really show their power. but the thing is, no one is actually allowed to enter the palace, which is why it's called the forbidden city (duh). so just build a large wall around your house and all the fucking peasants will already be gaping in awe.
chinese emperors were one of the most lazy people in existance. they had generals in charge of everything, which then leaves them with nothing to do. to curb their boredom, they think of all kinds of shit like mystical animals that are supposed to bring luck, like the lion-like animal with no anus, so luck can only go in and not out. or new elaborate ways to bullshit the citizens into believing that they are powerful.
things like making a BIG ceremonial 'place' to worship the gods for a good harvest. and after the worshipping, walk on 3 paths, the middle for the gods, and those on the sides for the emperor and his servants. each path is around 365 metres long to represent the days of a year.
they have an unhealthy obsession with the number 9, and all their major buildings have 9 doors or pillars. the emperor's robe has 8 dragons drawn on it, with the emperor being the 9th one, such that all 9 dragons will unite when the emperor wears it. even the enoumous circular ceremonial altar is made up of 9 rings, with the number of tiles increasing by a multiple of 9 after each ring (9 in first, 18 in second, all the way to 81 in the 9th ring, and all the tiles are of the same size, so it's supposed to be an architectural miracle).
they are so free that they can afford to spend 3 days in a room specially made for sex fucking their new brides whenever they get married. then they get so sick of humping females that they become gay. and when they finally die, create enormous tombs just to hold their rotting corpses and bury treasure with them.
aparrently, there are 13 such treasure-filled tombs in beijing and only 1 has been excavated. the tour guide told us they only excavate when the country needs money, so that they can sell the treasure. he says that each tomb is supposed to have enough treasure to buy a small country, which i suppose is a lot.
i shall stop here, gotta go skate. tell you the story about the gay emperor tomorrow.
WHOA. imagine what he's gonna say when someone asks him what he works as.
anyway, doctor mak is not a real doctor. doctors do not work as assistant directors of pupil placement, school placement & scholarship branch in the corporate services division for permenant secretary of education.
first of all, this reminds me of the time i spelled truman doctrine as doctorine in some test last year, earning me an entire years' praise from my dear history teacher.
back on topic, doctor mak's letter didn't really interest me since it was telling me something that i already know. no, he wasn't informing me that my hiv test turned out positive. first, he told me my nric number, then, i got posted into ngee ann polytechnic in the business studies course. all things that i already know, and further points numbered 2 to 7. i searched high and low, but number 1 was no where to be found. see, never be first. your friends will hate you and isolate you to the point of suicide.
more tales from china... our tour guide was from beijing, and he was one patriotic man. he is the first person i know that believes that taiwan rightfully belongs to china, taiwanese president 'ah bian' is an idiot, chairman mao was a great leader, communism rules, and so on. he even believes that there are hard facts behind fengshui, which is rather surprising, since it has almost no connection with modern science.
don't be mistaken, he is a great guy. jolly fat guy. he told us interesting tales about the past which i've never learned in school. like how india once sent soldiers onto china territory which it claimed belongs to them. the china government sent a message to the united nations, telling them that they are going to bomb the area, and to get the indians out.
however the stupid indians didn't budge, and so they got bombed to death. "after all, the land was ours, and we can bomb where ever we want to," he said.
chinese emperors like to waste space. their palaces are enormous, with big houses and stuff like that. but they have houses to sleep in, houses to eat in, houses to work in, all of which are spaced far apart. this means that when they wake up, they have to be carried all the way over to their eating house to eat, and then to their working house to do their business, then back over to the eating house for lunch and so on.
which is why they are so damn stupid. if i were an emperor, i would build a big big big house with everything in it, instead of many many big houses with nothing in them. some people may argue that the emperors have to keep up their image with the people, and having a small(er) sized house doesn't really show their power. but the thing is, no one is actually allowed to enter the palace, which is why it's called the forbidden city (duh). so just build a large wall around your house and all the fucking peasants will already be gaping in awe.
chinese emperors were one of the most lazy people in existance. they had generals in charge of everything, which then leaves them with nothing to do. to curb their boredom, they think of all kinds of shit like mystical animals that are supposed to bring luck, like the lion-like animal with no anus, so luck can only go in and not out. or new elaborate ways to bullshit the citizens into believing that they are powerful.
things like making a BIG ceremonial 'place' to worship the gods for a good harvest. and after the worshipping, walk on 3 paths, the middle for the gods, and those on the sides for the emperor and his servants. each path is around 365 metres long to represent the days of a year.
they have an unhealthy obsession with the number 9, and all their major buildings have 9 doors or pillars. the emperor's robe has 8 dragons drawn on it, with the emperor being the 9th one, such that all 9 dragons will unite when the emperor wears it. even the enoumous circular ceremonial altar is made up of 9 rings, with the number of tiles increasing by a multiple of 9 after each ring (9 in first, 18 in second, all the way to 81 in the 9th ring, and all the tiles are of the same size, so it's supposed to be an architectural miracle).
they are so free that they can afford to spend 3 days in a room specially made for sex fucking their new brides whenever they get married. then they get so sick of humping females that they become gay. and when they finally die, create enormous tombs just to hold their rotting corpses and bury treasure with them.
aparrently, there are 13 such treasure-filled tombs in beijing and only 1 has been excavated. the tour guide told us they only excavate when the country needs money, so that they can sell the treasure. he says that each tomb is supposed to have enough treasure to buy a small country, which i suppose is a lot.
i shall stop here, gotta go skate. tell you the story about the gay emperor tomorrow.
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