death at 101

"you read about people looking peacefully asleep when they're dead, but they don't. johnny just looked dead. like a candle with the flame gone."
ponyboy - the outsiders

someone died last friday. she was my mother's mother's mother's sister. so i suppose she is my great-grand aunt. she was 101. she looked after my grandmother after her mother died, so i suppose i wouldn't be around if not for her.

it's the 5th funeral i've been to. some say that dead people look like they're sleeping, but the dead people i've seen just looks dead. they look artificial. like wax figures. maybe it's because of the preservatives used. my cousin said she looked peaceful.

i was wondering if there was more to it after a hundred and one years. something more than a cease in existance. a hundred years to live compared to eternity is very short. one day i'm gonna find out first-hand. but if it's just a deep sleep like i tend to believe, then i wouldn't ever know, since it's impossible to realise you're sleeping when you're asleep.

i think it's a bad ending. being dead and not knowing it. like watching a play and suddenly all the actors stop acting. you wonder if the play is over or if that's just part of the show. but you never know.