the killer maid from mars

my sister's lunch. bacon and rice. lots of bacon. she's gonna get salted to death like that slug.


my brother's face. stuffed with bacon and bread. lots of it. he's gonna get salted to death too.

my maid is a genius. she wants to kill us all so she has less work to do. too bad i'm a bigger genius; i don't eat her food.

top 5 things she does to kill us/make us commit suicide:

1) she has lots of friends who love to call her/be called by her.
and they're stupid, which is where the problem comes. they call her, she's not at home, they call again. and again. fucking hell, when no one picks up the phone, it means that no one is home. calling 10 more times doesn't change anything. sometimes when i bother answering, they call back 10 seconds after i put down. smart people.

2) she spews crap at a fast pace and it's in fucking tagalog.
in case you were wondering, tagalog is what they speak in the philippines. as known from point 1, she has a fucking lot of friends, and they like to call/visit each other. and when a group of filipinos get together, it's hell for the innocent bystanders. even when she's alone on the phone, the noise is deafening and fucking irritating. plus, she likes to use the speaker on the phone/handphone so we can hear both sides of the conversation.

3) she cooks shit and thinks it's nice.
she's been working here since 1990. here in my family. after 15 years, she still cooks shit. i mean, don't skillz improve after that many years? if i were to cook for 15 years, i'd be working as a master chef in france already.

4) she was an english teacher and her english sucks.
yes, it's true. i wonder what kinda crap she taught her students. she thinks 'heat it up' is a term. "i heat it up the food ok?" and that's just one bit of the crap she says. the good news is, despite living with her for 15 years, i haven't picked up anything bad from her. too bad my sister has. a lot.

5) she likes to talk to the television and thinks the characters will listen to her.
"oh shit, oh shit!" "no don't listen to him!" "ahhh!!! snake!!!" those were all spoken to the tv. no shit.

she does all these in hope that we will get too pissed off and jump out the window. it's a sure kill from the 21st floor. the only one who seems immune to the shit is my sister. i think she's gonna migrate to philippines in the future. after all, she is already one of them.