imaginary imaginations

last friday i was in sports and wellness, known as physical education back in secondary school. we all had to choose a sport and stick with it for the entire semester. being extremely lucky and loved by the person above, i got into basketball. everything's fine, except that i fucking hate basketball.

but that's not the point. i made an extremely interesting discovery that day. halfway through (attempting) shooting baskets, i realised that the little part of my brain that controls the need to check out girls, just to see who's pretty and who's not, was not functioning.

and then i came to the horrific realisation that i actually haven't been looking at girls for quite some time now, not just in basketball. and i had to find out why.

i had to actually think for quite some time before i managed to remember the last time i wasn't interested in girls. that was after the first time i saw her. (don't ask why i look at girls in swimsuits) i think got infatuated with her back then. (yes, i get infatuated with pictures of girls) other girls didn't interest me because they couldn't even match her perfection. heh, i'm so fucking cheesy. anyway, i soon got over her and started looking at girls again.

so now i've come to the conclusion that i'm infatuated with someone. the problem is, i'm NOT. not that i know of, anyway.

now things get messy. i think i'm either
1. infatuated with someone and unaware of it,
2. still in love with her.
3. gay (FUCK NO!)

i KNOW i'm not gay because i don't look at guys either. which leaves me with either 1 or 2. or maybe i'm just un-sexed. like a neutered cat.


zen micro is playing
saying goodbye - sugarcult