coping with loss

last saturday, my classmate told me he saw the cute x20,000 girl holding hands with a butch at orchard. this news made me quite a bit sad and suicidal, since the chances of me marrying her would be quite quite low, considering her 'different' sexual preferences.

i thought maybe i could tell her that i'm actually a lesbian born in a man's body, and i promptly realised that i don't really know her, which then made me sad and suicidal again.

i finally accepted this loss after the 20th cut on my wrists. "so what if i can't marry her? i'm sure that there would be a cute x20,001 girl somewhere around, waiting for me," i thought. so i bandaged up my wrists and thanked god that didn't die, and got on with my life.

then a few days ago, i was sitting in the canteen when he told me that he saw the cute x20,000 girl. i took a look and realised that SHE'S NOT THE SAME GIRL. that girl was cute x-20,000.

so in conclusion, i am very happy because i can still marry her. but i realised that i slitted my wrists for nothing, and this made me very sad and suicidal, which then made me slit my wrists again.


now playing
just like heaven (the cure cover) - gatsby's american dream