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"and i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but i know that that is impossible now
and so i drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories
because i just can’t think anymore about that or about her tonight"
if winter ends - bright eyes

i've been exercising my liver the past 2 nights, drinking slightly more than i should be doing. but as they always say, you can never drink too much. so tonight it's round 3. my classmates are crazy.

all this drinking hasn't been kind on my wallet (although i don't have one) and i bought 2 cds just because they were cheap and sooo good. the first is by bright eyes and was produced when he was only 18, which makes me wonder just WHAT am i doing with my life now.

my mother thinks that i should go learn driving and i'm not against the idea, except that we don't have a car and i don't have anyone to chaff around anyway. or maybe we'll buy a car and then its only purpose is to drive myself to school and back everyday, which just further enhances how freaking lonely life is.

besides, i think driving is a hassle. it's so much easier to take a bus or a cab and i don't have to worry about getting into accidents because if i die and someone else is driving, at least i can say that it's not my fault. and i'm also worried that i'll cause the deaths of others when i drive, because it's so tempting to knock down some people just for the fun of it. cheap thrills, they say.

i think i'm going to learn driving. i need things to occupy myself with because this holiday is going to be long and i need to stop my mind from wandering off into the distance and visiting the graves of the dead.