watch me assplode

i've been shitting watery shit since this morning and it's starting to get fun. the noise my shit makes when it hits the water sounds more like a girl peeing than a guy shitting. it's as though i've grown a new vagina and have been peeing through it, except that shit comes out.

sometimes i fart midway through my shit, and the gas release causes my shit to splatter like a shotgun, all over the insides of the bowl. what a nice visual!

i think i should shoot my shit on a piece of paper and frame it up and call it art. i could sell it and get rich. after all, no one else has art that looks good and smells good too. i should even record the sound of my shit as i create the masterpiece and sell the tape too, so they can listen to it while appreciating my artwork.

my art will appeal to all your senses. taste and touch are not recommended but possible. to think of it, this seems to be an excellent birthday present for someone with a birthday on 31st october, don't you agree?