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things i should do this year but probably wouldn't:

drink less coke. coke is god's gift to mankind. i don't know how the hell could i drink a brown, sugary and fizzy liquid, much less enjoy it, but i do. sadly as with all good things that god gave us (eg. sex and stds, beer and beer bellies), drinking too much coke brings about many unpleasant risks, such as rotting teeth and diabetes. this proves that god ***es us.

try and be happy. i don't really know how this works, but i'll try. i heard that it's quite fun being happy. however i think that it's quite hard to achieve considering all good things in life would make me die faster (see above).

don't do anything that i'll regret or don't regret anything that i've done. life was supposed to be simple, we just make a decision and stick with it. everything was fine until some asshole came along and invented the word 'regret' and thereby fucking up everyone's lives.

stop using vulgarities. gentlemen like myself really shouldn't be saying phrases like FUCKING CHEEBYE all the time. it leaves a bad impression on others. i need to be more refined and start thinking of better ways to suggest that a person is a vagina.