this is how it works

"live through this, and you won't look back"
calendar girl - stars

i wrote this quote big and bold in marker on the first page of my army notebook, to sort of motivate myself in my shitty moments, because let's face it: i was a noob back then and army was just about the worst shit i've been in.

as it promised, i'm out of there alive and i now speak of tekong like sort of a fun place, not the shitty hell that i thought it was back then. it's like i've leveled up and the evils of tekong no longer faze me.

and the same can be said about many other things in life, which is why i still hold this quote close until this day. when i think that things cannot get any worse, i remind myself to enjoy the pain because the more i feel, the more immune to it i will be in the future.

perhaps this is why i've felt so numb for so long because i've been numbed by the pain that i made myself enjoy. i guess it's quite comforting knowing that at your shittiest of times, things can't possibly get any worse than they are (only to later realise that YES, THEY CAN!).

but that's really how it works. as long as you come out alive, everything will fall back into place.