060509

in the past i used to always sleep on the same bed in the same room in my house and i'd always wake up and immeidately know where i was. sometimes i'll sleep elsewhere, in another room or at my friends' place, and i'd wake up all confused, wondering where the hell i was. my mind was programmed to be at home.

and then i went to the army and for 2 months slept on that same bed in that same room on that island, for 5 nights a week, and the other 2 nights i'd be at home, but sleeping on random surfaces, not the one i used to sleep in. every morning i'd wake up confused for around 10 seconds before i checked my surroundings and decided on where i was on that particular day.

my mind was still programmed to be at home. i think it wouldn't have been so bad if i had slept on that island the entire time, because at least i could have adapted to the new place. anyway i got off the island and spent 5 nights a week in this new place, sleeping on the same bed in the same room, and the other 2 nights on random surfaces again. this went on for over 7 months till now.

i came to the realisation during my 16 days at OBS that i didn't care where i was anymore. most mornings i'd wake up and find myself in another strange place, sleeping on the ground or in public pavillions or occasionally in tents or back in our room. i didn't have that sense of confusion anymore. i just woke up and got up, never once wondering where i was or why i was there.

it's not that i knew where i was. i didn't know but i just didn't care, it didn't matter to me. somewhere during the 7 months i lost my concept of home. my mind is now open and i am free.