girl, i fear we're facing a problem

my maid and i, we have some serious communication breakdown between us. it goes like this: i don't ever speak to her, and when she speaks to me, i have no idea what she's saying. and by 'no idea,' i really mean NO FREAKING IDEA.

here's how it works: whenever she says something to me, the words that come out of her mouth sound something like a garbled whispered mess, something that is totally incomprehensible. i'm not kidding here.

so in order for me to figure out whatever the heck she wants, i have to go through a 3 step process, kinda like solving a puzzle.

step 1 - quickly think of all possible reasons for her to speak to me, because she wouldn't talk to me for no reason. for example, i left my dinner on the table and went away for a while. if she talks to me, i would probably be about that.

step 2 - following that, i imagine the words she'd likely be saying if she were asking me about what i think she's asking. for example, "still want to eat?"

step 3 - i try to match the words that i figured she'd be saying to the garbled mess that she actually said, and try to find some similarities in sound. most of the time i'll manage to get a 50% match and that'll hopefully be enough.

so much trouble just for a simple exchange of words. life will probably be easier if she'd just speak normally, and i know she can because i always hear her talking to her friends in perfectly intelligible english.