words vs memories

a few days ago i read through some of my old journals, and i was surprised by the amount of thought that passes through my head, and surprised by how much of this has been forgotten, or would have been forgotten if i hadn't written them down.

and perhaps i was more surprised because the journals weren't even that old, just written last year or even a month ago. once again i felt so out of place in my own head. i read and i think, hey was i really like that? where that that part of me go to? who am i now?

it's been only less than 3 months since i've been out of ns but so much has happened that this time seems to feel longer than the whole of last year, especially after i got posted to my station. in there, the days went to months went to an entire year without me even realising it.

not that nothing happened in the year i was there, but when i try to think about it, everything seems so fuzzy and dream-like, especially the period from august to december 2009. i recall almost nothing from that time except that it was suddenly 2010 and i got a fright.

where did that part of me go?