never before
and so just like that, we're entering the final month of the year again. above all else, i've found this year to be so long and meandering that i've lost sight of myself more than a few times.
sometimes i'm just chilling out minding my own business when i suddenly realise, hey where did I go? who is this guy in my head? true story.
i could place it on me finally being free from ns, but i think it's really not that simple.
now that i think of it, i might know why. i've been seeing myself, or at least the person in my head, to be more or less the finished product. everything is set in stone, i know who i am, what i can or cannot do.
i think i know myself so well, and perhaps that's why i get so surprised/pissed when i react in a different way from what i'm supposed to when certain things come up. who was that?
it could be time to finally accept/realise that this me is not the final version. it's just another work in progress, a variable.
but if i am a variable, if i can change like the wind and if i am beyond even my own control, then who am I?
sometimes i'm just chilling out minding my own business when i suddenly realise, hey where did I go? who is this guy in my head? true story.
i could place it on me finally being free from ns, but i think it's really not that simple.
now that i think of it, i might know why. i've been seeing myself, or at least the person in my head, to be more or less the finished product. everything is set in stone, i know who i am, what i can or cannot do.
i think i know myself so well, and perhaps that's why i get so surprised/pissed when i react in a different way from what i'm supposed to when certain things come up. who was that?
it could be time to finally accept/realise that this me is not the final version. it's just another work in progress, a variable.
but if i am a variable, if i can change like the wind and if i am beyond even my own control, then who am I?
2 Comments:
Sorry if I comment again, please tell me if you don't appreciate.
Say you don't change, that would mean you'd learn nothing at all of the things happening to you. It would mean that the people who act in your life (positively or negatively) have no value at all.
Only dead people don't change. Living dead included.
Maybe it's not changing but evolving.
And then it's up to you to be awake enough to feel if you are evolving towards or away from who you really are...
It may be the most difficult thing on earth to do.
But it's either that or being part of the great group of living dead.
stephanie
By
stephanie clara, at December 05, 2010 6:12 pm
i think it's good to have some outside perspective because it's really easy to be blind to things.
evolving... that's a good way to put it.
i wonder if i'm really averse to change or am i just being surprised that i changed/evolved without knowing it.
maybe i just don't like the thought that once i change, i am no longer the same person and the old me died somewhere.
By
cr, at December 07, 2010 1:06 am
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