futbol

i've been playing football since i was 10, and i'd like to think i managed to get somewhat good at it. then i went to ns and hardly touched a ball for the duration.

now i've forgotten how to play, or more specifically i've forgotten how to be good at it. and i dunno if it's because i suck so bad now, performing well is now a big issue to me. i don't recall ever being really affected by a poor performance in the past, maybe because i never had one, or i didn't care even if i did.

nowadays i get very frustrated when i play badly (often) and from there it's a downward spiral. football doesn't feel fun anymore. i no longer play for fun, i play to play well and to prove to myself that i still got it. nothing hits me worse than when i play like shit.

i used to scoff when they say that a player's performing badly because of low confidence or other psychological issues. what difference does it make? the ball is still the same and you kick it as you do every week. that's the way it was for me at least.

now i begin to understand. last week i read an article about rooney's return to form. can't recall the exact words, but it went something like "he's finally stopped trying to remember what it was like to be world-class and actually started playing."

that was exactly what i have been doing, trying to remember how it felt. now i just need to work with what i have, learn to go with the flow instead of thinking all the time. let's see where this takes me.