try again

this morning i woke up at 9am and had breakfast, watched some tv, went online, then i got bored at about 10-11am and decided to lie on my bed. when i woke up again, i went to check the time and found it strange that my phone displayed 6:00, when it should have been 2-3pm at most.

after clearing my head, i realised i had slept for the fucking longest time ever, and during that sleep i had yet another one of my fucking epic dreams.

i dreamt that i had been transported back in time to the year 2000. i was young again but with full knowledge of my life till now. i've always thought i would be happy being young again, but when it happened i was desperately trying to figure out how to get back to the present day. after a while it seemed destined that i would get to re-live the past 11 years of my life again.

it might seem like it's a great thing, but i was quite hesitant and filled with worries. after all, i think the present version of me turned out quite alright, and who knows how different my life would turn out with all the changes i would make, like in the butterfly effect, you know?

i wondered if i should try to re-live my life like it has been till the present day, basically following the same series of events and trying my best not to change things, or should i try to make my life better? right all the wrongs that have been made, undo my mistakes and regrets.

i also questioned if i had the energy and life left in me to live through all those years again, and worse being trapped as a 13 year old. secondary school, (not) studying and dealing with all the assorted shit ain't exactly my idea of fun, and i couldn't just fuck it and breeze through since this was now my life and i wasn't just there on holiday before returning to the present.

i went around the house and noticed that many things were not as i remembered them to be, which led me to believe that my presence alone was already causing changes in the world. how much more different would things be after 11 years?

after this i went through various events and for the most part i tried to do things better than i would have done, although at the same time worrying about the long-term effects of my changes.