she's lost control
in the past, whenever i was about to get into any altercation, i would get an adrenaline rush associated with the flight or fight response. my heart would start beating faster, my hands would tremble, and i found it hard to think clearly.
i didn't like it because it felt like i wasn't in control of my body, that such an event could trigger this response even though i didn't want it to. it shows that i was physiologically affected.
in recent years, it hasn't been triggered and i was happy because i felt more in control, like such minor incidents don't faze me, bitch.
today i was in the national library and i found a seat on the sofas. there were 4 benches, first one was a young couple, second a guy in office attire, third me, fourth an old man.
a few moments after sitting down, i realised why the seat was empty in the relatively crowded library. the guy beside me was muttering vulgarities and slamming his books on the floor.
i took a peek and they were travel books on germany. he would violently flip through a few pages and then utter some vulgarities and slam the book on the floor. boom boom boom, there was already a pile forming around him.
was he crazy? he was smartly dressed, probably aged 35-40. if he was crazy i sure as hell didn't want to have anything to do with him. i continued reading my magazine.
minutes later, he got up and i thought he was leaving, but later came back with more books to add to his pile. on his way back, he was walking quickly and cursing all the way and i think he brushed past the old man on my right.
the old man looked at him as he continued slamming his books on the floor, and then he noticed the old man looking at him he stood up quickly in a threatening manner.
in my mind, the only thing was "this shit's gonna go down soon." and then before i knew it, i could feel my heart pumping. shit.
he sat down but i think the old man was still staring at him so he threw down his book and sprung to his feet. the couple beside him ran away, and there i was, between him and the old man. shit's really going down, i tried to control my breathing to lower my heart rate but it was difficult.
he started going towards the old man and i quickly stood up too. i wondered how should i attack him. i didn't want to make the first move. now he was right up to the old man, and the once 'brave' old man was cowering in fear.
"ANYTHING? ANYTHING?" he shouted. i assumed he meant 'any problem?'
my heart was really pumping by now. i knew i could handle him in a normal situation, but he was crazy, and crazy people have retard strength. i'm always afraid of crazy people.
fortunately he went back to sit down and i didn't have to be a hero. i told the old man to go sit elsewhere but he was now 'brave' again, and was staring at the crazy guy, telling me he wasn't afraid of him.
that stubborn fucker actually took quite a bit of coaxing before he was willing to leave. i told him, yes, you are not afraid, but that guy is crazy. just go sit elsewhere.
10 minutes later i could still feel my hands trembling slightly. looks like i need more practice to get better at this adrenaline thing.
i didn't like it because it felt like i wasn't in control of my body, that such an event could trigger this response even though i didn't want it to. it shows that i was physiologically affected.
in recent years, it hasn't been triggered and i was happy because i felt more in control, like such minor incidents don't faze me, bitch.
today i was in the national library and i found a seat on the sofas. there were 4 benches, first one was a young couple, second a guy in office attire, third me, fourth an old man.
a few moments after sitting down, i realised why the seat was empty in the relatively crowded library. the guy beside me was muttering vulgarities and slamming his books on the floor.
i took a peek and they were travel books on germany. he would violently flip through a few pages and then utter some vulgarities and slam the book on the floor. boom boom boom, there was already a pile forming around him.
was he crazy? he was smartly dressed, probably aged 35-40. if he was crazy i sure as hell didn't want to have anything to do with him. i continued reading my magazine.
minutes later, he got up and i thought he was leaving, but later came back with more books to add to his pile. on his way back, he was walking quickly and cursing all the way and i think he brushed past the old man on my right.
the old man looked at him as he continued slamming his books on the floor, and then he noticed the old man looking at him he stood up quickly in a threatening manner.
in my mind, the only thing was "this shit's gonna go down soon." and then before i knew it, i could feel my heart pumping. shit.
he sat down but i think the old man was still staring at him so he threw down his book and sprung to his feet. the couple beside him ran away, and there i was, between him and the old man. shit's really going down, i tried to control my breathing to lower my heart rate but it was difficult.
he started going towards the old man and i quickly stood up too. i wondered how should i attack him. i didn't want to make the first move. now he was right up to the old man, and the once 'brave' old man was cowering in fear.
"ANYTHING? ANYTHING?" he shouted. i assumed he meant 'any problem?'
my heart was really pumping by now. i knew i could handle him in a normal situation, but he was crazy, and crazy people have retard strength. i'm always afraid of crazy people.
fortunately he went back to sit down and i didn't have to be a hero. i told the old man to go sit elsewhere but he was now 'brave' again, and was staring at the crazy guy, telling me he wasn't afraid of him.
that stubborn fucker actually took quite a bit of coaxing before he was willing to leave. i told him, yes, you are not afraid, but that guy is crazy. just go sit elsewhere.
10 minutes later i could still feel my hands trembling slightly. looks like i need more practice to get better at this adrenaline thing.
2 Comments:
There was this one time in melbourne there was tension between these 2 big men in the tram i was taking. they came up face to face and sorta dared each other to hit 1st. they somehow appeared near me and my friends and most of my friends quickly move away. I just stood there daring myself not to run. one of my friend actually went in between them and tried to separate them. i've always wanted to be that kind of person, but never had that courage to.
By
dqb, at August 03, 2012 2:08 am
why would he want to stop them from fighting? if they're both so willing to fight then just grab a seat and enjoy the show.
By
cromber, at August 03, 2012 4:32 pm
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