job search and the hunt for inner peace
today at lunch my friend told me this: "on sunday i suddenly lost all motivation to go to work the next day. i suddenly realised i'm gonna be working forever."
i didn't know how to respond so i just laughed, and partly also because it was funny that she has only figured this out now.
as for me, the past break has been a long process of reconciliation of all these conflicting feelings and ideals i have or used to have.
when this all began, i thought i needed to find The (Almost) Perfect Job, despite knowing the impossibility of this. now, i still don't even vaguely know what i want to do, much less know where to look for T(A)PJ.
what i have learnt though, is that perfection is subjective and immeasurable. i cannot ever know if a job is perfect because, to quote the unbearable lightness of being, "there is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison."
i think in all the major crossroads in my life i have never ended up where i wanted to go and things have always turned out fine. secondary school, poly, ns, university, none of them were my top choices but they were all fine. could they have been better or worse? impossible to tell.
next, i thought that should i fail to find my passion, i would find the job that offers the most money. but thinking back, i have worked for fun, for money, for passion, even for no reason at all, and working for money has turned out to be the worst of them all.
these are just 2 examples of what i have managed to reconcile in my head. these changes have gradually allowed me to be more accepting of jobs that i wouldn't even have considered at the beginning.
you could probably say that i should have just taken up these jobs back then and at the same time figure all these shit out, but if i did that i would have been suffering. the job is the same, but my perspective has changed.
i didn't know how to respond so i just laughed, and partly also because it was funny that she has only figured this out now.
as for me, the past break has been a long process of reconciliation of all these conflicting feelings and ideals i have or used to have.
when this all began, i thought i needed to find The (Almost) Perfect Job, despite knowing the impossibility of this. now, i still don't even vaguely know what i want to do, much less know where to look for T(A)PJ.
what i have learnt though, is that perfection is subjective and immeasurable. i cannot ever know if a job is perfect because, to quote the unbearable lightness of being, "there is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison."
i think in all the major crossroads in my life i have never ended up where i wanted to go and things have always turned out fine. secondary school, poly, ns, university, none of them were my top choices but they were all fine. could they have been better or worse? impossible to tell.
next, i thought that should i fail to find my passion, i would find the job that offers the most money. but thinking back, i have worked for fun, for money, for passion, even for no reason at all, and working for money has turned out to be the worst of them all.
these are just 2 examples of what i have managed to reconcile in my head. these changes have gradually allowed me to be more accepting of jobs that i wouldn't even have considered at the beginning.
you could probably say that i should have just taken up these jobs back then and at the same time figure all these shit out, but if i did that i would have been suffering. the job is the same, but my perspective has changed.
1 Comments:
I feel you man. We are both "dreamers", fighting to fight(or find) for a life that fits us, on our own terms. May we both find our inner peace.
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dqb, at March 26, 2014 4:20 am
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