find it in the silence

"i once knew this girl who thought she was god. she didn't give sight to the blind or raise the dead. she didn't even teach anything, not really, and she never told me anything i probably didn't already know. on the other hand, she didn't expect to be worshiped, nor did she ask for money. given her high opinion of herself, some might call that a miracle. i don't know, maybe she was god. her name was sati, and she had blonde hair and blue eyes."

it was the last day of april when i had many hours to spare and ended up in the library. there were so many books to choose from, and as is usually the case for me, i ended up looking for books that i've been interested in reading or authors that i've had experience with.

i had little luck as i strolled through the aisles, making it all the way to P before i found something. i was actually trying to find christopher pike's the last vampire, which i had read all the way back in secondary school and first piqued my interest in the vampire genre, but it wasn't there and my eyes fell on something else.

sati.

i came across this book before in the same library, but never been drawn to it until that day, and as i began reading, i realised that i've even read the first chapter before but gave up because i didn't like the premise.

i guess i was very fortunate that it came back to me at just the right time, when i could be completely open and agreeable to the ideas in it rather than laughing it off as a stupid work of fiction.

throughout the years i've learnt that whenever we come across any sort of stimulus, we only take away from it the bits that resonate the most within us at that particular moment. at that moment, i wasn't searching for answers but it gave me all the answers.

it also brought me peace and at the end, a strange sense of loss that everything that had just changed my life was only a stupid work of fiction.