the unbearable...

in the last few years i've learnt to appreciate - or accept - the transcience of my life, and as i see more, what i once saw in black or white, i now see in grey. everything is in grey.

i've never found it easy (or even possible at all) to describe this mindset to anyone else. it almost feels shameful - behold this man without faith, this man with no god in his heart, this man who lives only for himself. everything is in grey.

"there is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison." we all go through our days with this idea of immortality in our heads, be it in this life or the next.

i've gone through this many times before, through multiple rounds of drinks or even none at all, but even through misfortune or misintepration or otherwise, i have never had another who've said to me, "i get it."

"i get it," that our sufferring is an innate feature of our being, that this was all written in our genes centuries before.

"i get it," that although there's nowhere else to hide, we accept that everything is grey.