top 5 things i never did
5. meditated under my christmas tree
"stupidity pisses me off, no doubt. but i shall not be pissed off by stupid behaviour from now on. stupid people are already leading sad lives, and i should do all i can to make them feel happy rather than discriminate against them. even though they choose not to use their brains, they are still humans after all. i've successfully reached nirvana after meditating under my christmas tree for 2 months. i'm no longer bothered by trivial matters of the mortal world. bah, i'm stupid, please don't hate me."
4. set a girl on fire
"i also saw a girl who wore a translucent (or was it really transparent?) top with a tube inside. to my horror, she was ugly. ugly and slutty don't mix well with me, so i set fire to her shirt. her boyfriend had a problem with me so i burned him too. "
3. drank bleach
"it's valentine's day and my girlfriend's out with another guy.
all those sleeping pills are starting to feel weird in my stomach.
time to wash them down with some bleach..."
2. killed a kitten
"my current obsession – i saw a cute cute x20,000 girl in school today. she was so cute that i killed a kitten that i was stroking because it couldn’t match her cuteness. the girl was wearing braces, which immediately adds 20 points to her cuteness level. this means that she scored 120 out of 100, which made me fall in love with her for a little while."
1. deep-throated a banana
"i was so bored that i tried to deep-throat a banana and got caught by my maid while doing it. she told me that i should relax my throat muscles for it to work. i did that and still only half the banana went in (it's a big banana). guess my dick sucking skillz aren't exactly good."
"stupidity pisses me off, no doubt. but i shall not be pissed off by stupid behaviour from now on. stupid people are already leading sad lives, and i should do all i can to make them feel happy rather than discriminate against them. even though they choose not to use their brains, they are still humans after all. i've successfully reached nirvana after meditating under my christmas tree for 2 months. i'm no longer bothered by trivial matters of the mortal world. bah, i'm stupid, please don't hate me."
4. set a girl on fire
"i also saw a girl who wore a translucent (or was it really transparent?) top with a tube inside. to my horror, she was ugly. ugly and slutty don't mix well with me, so i set fire to her shirt. her boyfriend had a problem with me so i burned him too. "
3. drank bleach
"it's valentine's day and my girlfriend's out with another guy.
all those sleeping pills are starting to feel weird in my stomach.
time to wash them down with some bleach..."
2. killed a kitten
"my current obsession – i saw a cute cute x20,000 girl in school today. she was so cute that i killed a kitten that i was stroking because it couldn’t match her cuteness. the girl was wearing braces, which immediately adds 20 points to her cuteness level. this means that she scored 120 out of 100, which made me fall in love with her for a little while."
1. deep-throated a banana
"i was so bored that i tried to deep-throat a banana and got caught by my maid while doing it. she told me that i should relax my throat muscles for it to work. i did that and still only half the banana went in (it's a big banana). guess my dick sucking skillz aren't exactly good."
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