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hello. it's officially 1 day to the new year. i vaguely remember saying way back when the year started that 2005 sounds wrong, and that 1 year from then, 2006 will be the one sounding weird. how fast time flies.

the past year has been very eventful, so much so that i doubt i will ever experience one like that again. mainly because it would be a long time before i will get another 6-month holiday.

2005 was a year that i experienced many 'firsts'. such as the first time i got drunk. or the first time i visited china. or the first time i actually talked to a girl in more than 4 years. i also started my long poly education and realised how bloody slack it is, much to my joy of course.

since it's the new year, it seems appropriate that i make myself a list of new year's resolutions, although we all know no one sticks to them anyway. i shall try my very best.

1. start blogging again
2. stop bitching about things on this damn blog, such as idiots who wear FUCKING WHITE SPECTACLES AND PINK SHIRTS
3. try to keep my posts shorttt
4. exercise more
5. eat more
6. gain more bulk
7. skate more
8. become godly at skating
9. be nicer to people (although i already am, really)
10. buy more cds
11. have a 3-day sex marathon with her
12. repeat above
13. go to franz ferdinand's concert (even if i have to go alone)
14. go to the barber at some point of time
15. surf less pr0n
16. do the real thing instead
17. attend lectures and actually bother to listen
18. do my homework
19. drink more
20. try to stay alive


"ten seconds left until midnight
nine chances to drown ourselves in black hair dye
eight faces turned away from the shock
seven windows and six of them were locked
five stories falling, forever and ever
three cheers to the mirror, now there are two of us
can we have one last dance?"
jet black new year - thursday

so much for keeping posts short. i promise i will after the new year comes.

five stories falling

when the crowd parted for the paramedics, we already knew it wasn't necessary. the street was painted a purple-red with that boy's blood. on impact, his body had folded on itself; he looked like he was praying to the mailbox. the air was turning the blood on the sidewalk rust brown, but in his hair it stayed a dark red. it seemed to get redder with every flash of the newspaperman's camera. i took the train back to new jersey where my girlfriend and i were going to a new year's eve party.

"i'm having the worst day, what a way to end the year," she shouted in my ear as the faces flashed by in the strobe light and the floorboards shook with music. "i lost my purse and someone spilled red wine all over me." the sight of the wine in the dark made my mouth water and every pulse of the strobe was the eye of the photographer's camera.

"at least i've got you," she winked. i bit down on my lip and the afternoon flooded into my blood like an iv drip: the crowd's bland faces; reporters searching for the parents; the steam drifting from the young boy's broken mouth; the pair of sneakers tangled in the power lines hanging like a forgotten mistletoe.

"hey, where are you?" she pleaded. but i was right there: the blood was soaking into my untied shoelace as we watched the ambulance pull up. i was right there: the calm voices of the paramedics made the temperature drop twenty degrees. i was right there: they zipped up the black bag and i couldn't breathe.

"you better not be in another one of your moods. not tonight." i tried to listen, but i couldn't resist the pull of the breathing open window. i saw myself running to it and lunging straight through it. i felt like i was suffocating in a zipped-up black bag.

"i'm not going to do it. i'm not going to deal with you ignoring me this year. that's my resolution! good bye." i had to lock myself in the bathroom to stop myself from jumping out the window. in the mirror, my dirty blond hair was tinged red. i tried closing my eyes but when i looked in the mirror my hair was saturated, a thick crimson.

the new year cheers sounded like screams through the door and i swore that i'd never let myself care about anything else ever again. the next morning the paper said that a boy had falled out of an unlocked window in his parent's apartment in new york. i dyed my hair the darkest black i could find. a black so dark it could cover the deepest blood red and suffocate the brighest halo.

- thursday
from the album five stories falling

happy christmassy

i'll have a blue christmas without you
i'll be so blue thinking about you
decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
won't mean a thing though, if you're not here with me

i'll have a blue christmas, that's certain
when all those blue memories start hurting
you'll be doin' all right, with your christmas of white
but i'll have a blue, blue christmas

yeah, you'll be doin' all right, with your christmas of white
but i'll have a blue, blue blue blue christmas
but i'll have a blue, blue christmas

blue christmas - bright eyes