for now, forever
this could have been 3 separate posts, but today i realised that they fit together, somehow.
---
2 weeks ago i went to bali for 5 days, and for the first time in my life, i didn't feel anything at all over the entire process.
pre-trip, there was no anticipation. life went on as usual, and on the final day i went home to pack my bags and i thought that some feelings would appear but none did.
in the plane before take-off, there wasn't the usual tinge of fear which i would have expected to be even greater given the recent events. i sat there reading the in-flight magazines as the plane took off.
on the first day i saw a beautiful sunset and i felt nothing.
that night i climbed up a volcano and saw a night sky filled with a thousand shimmering stars and felt nothing.
while waiting for the sunrise, i saw the first ever shooting star in my life and i felt nothing.
then i saw the most glorious sunrise from the top of the volcano. nothing.
on march 21 it was the balinese new year, and traditions dictated that no one was allowed on the streets. i stayed in all day and there was no boredom.
later at night, all lights in bali were switched off and there were a million stars covering the sky, from end to end. it was like nothing i have ever seen. no emotions.
the next day i went home without a heavy heart, without any dread of the coming work week.
---
on monday i woke up for work and received news that our country's founding prime minister had died that night. i just took it as a normal piece of news, not attaching any particular significance to it because it wasn't completely unexpected and also i've never known what to feel about that man.
following this news, there was the usual online stuff and media coverage, but this time there was more than usual. way more than usual. this was when i first realised that it wasn't any normal event.
wednesday i went for lunch and saw a queue across of my office building. i was puzzled for a moment before realising they were queuing to visit the parliament house to pay their respects.
initially i thought it was some staff from that particular building who were waiting for their company shuttle bus to take them. after i rounded the corner, i saw the queue was snaking much further than i've ever thought possible, till it was blocked by other buildings.
as i ventured further, i finally saw the extent of the queue and what this death meant to so many people. later that evening, the queue grew even longer as the after-work crowd joined in. it literally stretched for miles.
i've always known what he has done, heard it a thousand times, both the good and the bad, but seeing the tears and suffering these people were willing to go through for him, i finally understood the significance of his actions and the lives he has impacted.
i have always felt emotional whenever i see a large group of people coming together for a common good, be it 55,000 people roaring together at the stadium or the hundreds of thousands protesting in hongkong last year.
this public display of grief combined with all the outpouring of kindness was almost too much for me.
now that everything is over, i still don't know what to feel about him. what i do know is that he suddenly found himself in charge of a nation that was lost at sea and he did everything he could to give them a better tomorrow.
---
i am left with 7.5 working days over the coming 3 weeks before i am officially unemployed again.
as i wrote in my previous post, i need some change, and to seek this change i have to actively inject new things in my life.
in this period of semi-employment, i have decided to do some things that i have never wanted to do, even when i had the time and opportunity to.
to kick things off, i have set up a skateboard that has been lying around for the past 2 years or so, and i will make the long ride to the skatepark early tomorrow morning before the sun rises for my first skate since 2009.
other potential activities include solo night cycling, riding east to see the sunrise, maybe even bike trips to malaysia or travelling abroad on my own.
we'll see what happens and where it takes me...
---
2 weeks ago i went to bali for 5 days, and for the first time in my life, i didn't feel anything at all over the entire process.
pre-trip, there was no anticipation. life went on as usual, and on the final day i went home to pack my bags and i thought that some feelings would appear but none did.
in the plane before take-off, there wasn't the usual tinge of fear which i would have expected to be even greater given the recent events. i sat there reading the in-flight magazines as the plane took off.
on the first day i saw a beautiful sunset and i felt nothing.
that night i climbed up a volcano and saw a night sky filled with a thousand shimmering stars and felt nothing.
while waiting for the sunrise, i saw the first ever shooting star in my life and i felt nothing.
then i saw the most glorious sunrise from the top of the volcano. nothing.
on march 21 it was the balinese new year, and traditions dictated that no one was allowed on the streets. i stayed in all day and there was no boredom.
later at night, all lights in bali were switched off and there were a million stars covering the sky, from end to end. it was like nothing i have ever seen. no emotions.
the next day i went home without a heavy heart, without any dread of the coming work week.
---
on monday i woke up for work and received news that our country's founding prime minister had died that night. i just took it as a normal piece of news, not attaching any particular significance to it because it wasn't completely unexpected and also i've never known what to feel about that man.
following this news, there was the usual online stuff and media coverage, but this time there was more than usual. way more than usual. this was when i first realised that it wasn't any normal event.
wednesday i went for lunch and saw a queue across of my office building. i was puzzled for a moment before realising they were queuing to visit the parliament house to pay their respects.
initially i thought it was some staff from that particular building who were waiting for their company shuttle bus to take them. after i rounded the corner, i saw the queue was snaking much further than i've ever thought possible, till it was blocked by other buildings.
as i ventured further, i finally saw the extent of the queue and what this death meant to so many people. later that evening, the queue grew even longer as the after-work crowd joined in. it literally stretched for miles.
i've always known what he has done, heard it a thousand times, both the good and the bad, but seeing the tears and suffering these people were willing to go through for him, i finally understood the significance of his actions and the lives he has impacted.
i have always felt emotional whenever i see a large group of people coming together for a common good, be it 55,000 people roaring together at the stadium or the hundreds of thousands protesting in hongkong last year.
this public display of grief combined with all the outpouring of kindness was almost too much for me.
now that everything is over, i still don't know what to feel about him. what i do know is that he suddenly found himself in charge of a nation that was lost at sea and he did everything he could to give them a better tomorrow.
---
i am left with 7.5 working days over the coming 3 weeks before i am officially unemployed again.
as i wrote in my previous post, i need some change, and to seek this change i have to actively inject new things in my life.
in this period of semi-employment, i have decided to do some things that i have never wanted to do, even when i had the time and opportunity to.
to kick things off, i have set up a skateboard that has been lying around for the past 2 years or so, and i will make the long ride to the skatepark early tomorrow morning before the sun rises for my first skate since 2009.
other potential activities include solo night cycling, riding east to see the sunrise, maybe even bike trips to malaysia or travelling abroad on my own.
we'll see what happens and where it takes me...