yay

today i finally found the song.

they crash around me

i closed my eyes as the song played and i could feel myself back in november of 2006. the year-end thunderstorms had just started brewing, and for one reason or another, i often found myself out at night in the storm.

everyone was in love with this song during those days. the one moment where it brings me to though, is of my friend and i smoking in his car with the song playing on the stereo. the clove smoke stained everything.

the cigarettes were something that i had recently started dabbling in, for no particular reason at all. maybe it was because things were going so well that it almost felt alright for me to try.

i had just turned 18 that month and it was indeed a special time, filled with many new experiences that until this day still manage to surface in the quiet nights when this song and i cross paths.

written 12:58am last night

seriously

i was reading wikipedia and i came across the page of The Worst Band Ever aka alt j. i read the first line and it immediately further solidified my view of them.

"∆ (pronounced Alt-J) are a British indie rock quartet, formed in 2007."

seriously, your real name is triangle? how in the fucking shit hell is triangle pronounced as alt j?

why?

yesterday i was at the library and as usual, i came across some fuckers again. this time it was a couple from poly, probably 18 or 19 years old.

they were just sitting there talking away like it was the most normal thing in the world. yap yap yap, of course i started to pray for their horrible deaths. maybe a bookshelf would fall on them, that would truly be a good end.

i was thinking though, what can such fucked up attitudes be attributed to? how can such grown up people exhibit such behaviour? what makes them think that it is perfectly fine to talk and talk and talk in the fucking library?

did their parents not teach them? was it because they faced no disapproval that their behaviour gradually got worse? after all we aren't the kind of society that would openly chide someone.

was it a kind of "fuck it" attitude? after all what's the worse that could happen? if someone told them to shut up the they would, otherwise just carry on talking?

i couldn't find any answers and so i went back to praying for their tragic and untimely demise.

maybe next time

i've always liked and been interested in rock climbing and i would have joined it as a CCA during my poly days had it been available.

one thing though, is that i'm not a fan of heights, or more specifically, the chance that i might die from a fall from height. sure there are ropes and all that shit, but damn i never ever feel safe. i just don't trust the equipment and sometimes i don't trust the humans too.

i remember in secondary school we had a school camp and one of the activities was rock climbing. we would take turns to climb and belay (the fucker holding the rope below). i really don't understand how the instructors trusted us kids with ZERO experience to do this.

my belayer was this mofo indonesian who was so preoccupied with talking to his mofo indonesian buddy belaying beside him that he didn't bring in the slack in the rope as i was climbing, and he sure as hell wasn't ready to grip the rope should i have fallen.

i was halfway up the wall when i realised the damn rope was just sagging beside me and when i looked down (damn the height!), the fucking cunt was just chilling there facing his friend on his right side, not even looking up.

my comfort zone is only up till where i won't die from a fall, perhaps 3 metres or so. after that, i look down and i always think to myself, wow that's an awful long way to fall.

so when i saw this video i posted back in 2009, i thought i had found the best shit ever. rock climbing above water! it's pure genius! if i fell, it would just be into water, no problem.

last week my friend had some days to spare and asked me to go to phuket and krabi. i agreed and then went online to find some activities we could do, and one of the popular activities at krabi was rock climbing and deep water soloing. sweet.

the day finally came and i had done 3 climbs and jumps without any problem. we then moved on to a higher climb. i was almost all the way up when i turned back to take a look. fuck me that's high.

i continued climbing to the top and sat there wondering how the hell was i supposed to jump down from here?! it was probably around 4-5 stories high and i know it sounds like nothing now but not when you're standing on the edge waiting to jump down.

i sat there chilling out and all the people down in the boat were like "JUMP! JUMP!" and i was like yeaaaah screw you guys.

after a while though it really was time for me to jump. i stood on the edge and the boat seemed so small from up there. fuck it's only water, right? i jumped, and then i thought fuck i'm falling so fast!

i splashed into the water and next thing i felt was a huge pain at my butt and nether regions. it felt like someone punched my butt even though i landed feet first.

i got in the boat and it was enough for that day. there was a higher and more difficult climb that some of the guys were trying (and failing) and i really wanted to go but i looked up at the top and it was maybe a third higher than the one i just did. faaaaaark this shit.