today i had my last class as a polytechnic student and most likely my last class ever as a student. i look back on the past 3 years and i guess the phrase "almost there" sums up my poly life. more or less everything i've done was an "almost there," never really managing to accomplish anything major.
almost there in terms of results, scoring mostly Bs. almost there in many other aspects that i suppose some of you know and some don't. if you don't, I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU.
the 3 years was also filled with instances of teenaged debauchery in all shapes and forms, except for the most extreme of cases (because i still have some self-control). basically everything that a teenager can and will do, which is a good thing considering i'll be losing my 'teenager' status soon and along with it comes the percieved inability to participate in such irresponsible activities. at least i can (proudly) say "i've done it before."
perhaps the one thing i've missed out on was a good dose of teenage romance, which is said to be the sweetest of all. so i've missed out on the best part... great. but no worries, i still have till november to sort that out, hopefully.
and today during class we watched voices of iraq. one of the iraqis said of saddam: "he stole love and beauty." i wish i had to ability to do that too.
since i'm so free this coming holidays, i decided that i'm gonna be taking bike lessons together with driving. then i can be like batman, except he knows how to fly planes and steer boats too.
i shall tell my mother that i'm only learning for fun, and not reply if she says anything adverse about buying a bike. i didn't reply, so i didn't lie.
my cousin said, "have you ever imagined yourself lying on the road?"
and today i shifted from gear 3 to reverse when i was supposed to go into 4. it left me wondering why was there a funny sound until the instructor told me and i was like OH SHIT.
"maybe it's because in cases like find a way, the story behind the song is real. and maybe because it's real, someone, maybe everyone has tried to wrench the painful memory of the 'one that got away' and drag it out of the recesses of our minds and the dark closet of out hearts. if so, and you feel that the song said what you wanted to, then we thank you from the bottom of our hears for being brave enough to admit it." - plainsunset
i was playing football in school this afternoon and there were 2 girls watching who were friends of the team i was playing against. halfway through they left and as they were leaving, one of the girls said very loudly to her friends "can you guys score quickly? cos i don't really like them (us)."
i heard her and shouted at her. "AY! RUDE AH!"
she turned to look at me with a rather 'confused' look. i decided that she lacked the mental capacity to understand me so i continued playing instead. and we won.
now that i think of it, i should have been more harsh, possibly adding in some vulgarities as well. then she'll really not like us.
if i can't get into university after ns, which is 99.99%, i think i'll just send job applications to random overseas companies and then jet my lazy ass off to foreign lands and be an expat. hopefully not just a foreign worker.
maybe i could speed up the process by not going to ns altogether. just fly off and never return. there's nothing much holding me back anyway.
so i guess many of you don't know that i signed up for driving way back in september, before i went to vietnam. 4 months later, i finally got unlazy enough to step into a car.
and erm i suck at stepping on the clutch. my leg started shaking uncontrollably because i stepped on the clutch for too long and i stalled like 5,000 times.
and and and it's so incredibly boring to be driving around in circles. can't wait to get on the streets and start running down random people. run away when you see me.
just now i happened to turn on the tv and saw that the amazing race was on. the old chinese man and his daughter were in first place and i got a little unhappy because i thought that he's a bastard who is very rude to his daughter and very undeserving.
then later while they were in a cab and at the end of the show after winning the leg, the daughter said that her father has changed a lot for the better and i can see that the both of them are very happy together.
i find it to be very amazing for him to admit his mistakes because guys are usually very stubborn when it comes to things like this, especially old chinese men who always think about saving their face. but this old man is so cool.
i like him now and i think that they do deserve to be first and maybe even win. in fact the other 2 teams in the race are also very cool and nice people from what is shown of them, unlike that dumb irritating bitch and her poor boyfriend who just got kicked out.
monday is the final episode and i will be happy for which ever team that wins but i would prefer that tk and rachel win because she's so cute and we all know that cute girls should win a million dollars.
last night i had a dream. it was at night and i had killed someone so i decided to kill myself in the morning because i'll be sentenced to death anyway. i was supposed to eat a pill and die painlessly.
the rest of the night was spent trying to deal with that One Remaining Issue in my life and also meeting various people along the way, like my mother and some other people i can't recall now. it was quite an interesting dream, thinking that oh shit i won't be exising when morning comes. the panic i felt was real, and i was trying to convey this feeling to the others i met.
but no one seemed to understand and i just went around from place to place and halfway through, my dream started turning into some sort of musical. how strange. in the end i came to meet that One Remaining Issue but couldn't bring myself to say anything of importance because i figured that nothing would change since i was already going to die and it would be best if i just left things as they were.
then as i was waiting to die and in panic of what was to come, i realised that OH I'M ONLY DREAMING and forced myself to wake up.
anyway the point is, i had a night to wrap up my life but i didn't do anything in the end. this means that either a) my life is good as it is now, or b) i am a loser and i am unable to make use of my final chance.
geniuses are always the most demented and mentally unstable people. in fact, if you're demented and mentally unstable, you would definitely be either a genius or a crazy person. there's no third option.
so i came to the conclusion that the reason i'm not a genius is totally due to the face that i'm not demented and mentally unstable enough. maybe in the future.
i went to a gig on saturday and all of a sudden i felt so old. shit i'm gonna be 20 this year. i remember when i was working at GV i was 17 and whenever anyone asked how old i was, i'd say i'm 18 this year. shit there's no way i'm gonna say i'm 20 now. i finally understand why some people are afraid of revealing their age. i think that age bring along certain misconceptions and expectations, like they'd expect me to be more matured and wiser, but no i don't feel like i've aged since the time i said i'm 18 this year when i was 17. my age on the right will forever remain as it is. at least when people read my blog they'd think i'm young. oh shit i've gotta stop this, i'm still 18 because i didn't celebrate my 19th birthday.
a few months ago i was on my way home from school when i saw a girl. she's only slightly (quite) pretty but she has left a lasting impression on me because she seemed to be so happy, walking along on the pavement by herself.
she had a spring in her step and looked so ALIVE and filled with youthful exuberance, so much unlike every other mentally over-aged teenager.
at that moment i thought of 2 things: how great it would be if i could be more like her, and how great it would be if i could marry her. unfortunately neither happened.
i remember very clearly the day i went to ACE camp with my school back in sec 2. it was a 3 day 2 night camp in some funny part of johor and we had to do all kinds of sick things like sleep in tents, swim in a dirty pond (or was it a lake?) and eat food cooked by some malay women that had mosquitoes and flies inside.
anyway being my first time out camping, my mother was rather nervous and bought me some sweets to bring along although we were not supposed to, so i smuggled them in my sleeping bag.
i slept with 3 of my classmates and during the first night i took out the sweets to eat and shared them with my tent mates although i didn't really have much and i was supposed to ration it over 3 days.
so after giving out some sweets, i decided that it was enough for the night and kept the rest back in my sleeping bag for the remaining 2 days. i then left the tent for some reason.
when i came back, i noticed that they were giggling and i knew something was wrong, so i checked my sleeping bag and found the sweet wrappers inside. they ate all the sweets and threw the wrappers back in. great.
of course i was rather angry considering i could have just ate all the sweets by myself in secret, but instead decided to share with them because i'm so NICE. and for being nice, that's what i got in return. they seemed to think that it was quite funny that they ate everything up.
on hindsight, i should have just smothered them in their sleep and dumped their bodies in that dirty pond/lake. no one would ever know.
things i should do this year but probably wouldn't:
drink less coke. coke is god's gift to mankind. i don't know how the hell could i drink a brown, sugary and fizzy liquid, much less enjoy it, but i do. sadly as with all good things that god gave us (eg. sex and stds, beer and beer bellies), drinking too much coke brings about many unpleasant risks, such as rotting teeth and diabetes. this proves that god ***es us.
try and be happy. i don't really know how this works, but i'll try. i heard that it's quite fun being happy. however i think that it's quite hard to achieve considering all good things in life would make me die faster (see above).
don't do anything that i'll regret or don't regret anything that i've done. life was supposed to be simple, we just make a decision and stick with it. everything was fine until some asshole came along and invented the word 'regret' and thereby fucking up everyone's lives.
stop using vulgarities. gentlemen like myself really shouldn't be saying phrases like FUCKING CHEEBYE all the time. it leaves a bad impression on others. i need to be more refined and start thinking of better ways to suggest that a person is a vagina.
the only thing more fun than watching banglas mosh and do hardcore dancing is to mosh with the banglas. that's what we did, and that's how i spent the first hour of 2008.