fallen leaves

i always get annoyed when i see people wearing a hundred bracelets on their wrists (and i guess a hundred bracelets would extend to their arms as well).

sometimes when i get close, i can see that some of the bracelets are actually quite pretty, but when they're bundled together in the hundreds it just looks like junk.

i guess the best way to describe it would be like this -

a single leaf:


a hundred leaves:

$200

over the past few days i watched some videos on yotube on shooting tips, shooting technique etc (youtube really has everything. i built up a whole bicycle just through watching youtube).

i also asked my friend for some tips and first-hand experience. i even took out my toy gun to practice a little.

after everything, i decided that my main problem was that i tried to control the recoil of the gun. instead, i should just let it fly wherever the fuck it wants after each shot.

today i went for shooting again and tried my best to apply all that i've learnt... and with my first 20 shots i had already scored higher than my previous total from 50 shots.

yeah marksman but no moneys. the instructor was saying "i don't understand how you failed the last time, now you waste your time and don't get paid for marksman," and i tried to play it cool like yeah, i was just off-form that day.

so now i gotta remember how it works during my next shoot which would be in about a year's time.

turned out just fine

just not too long ago i saw someone on fb saying that he/she was having a bad day. i then tried thinking of the last time i had a bad day and... nothing. strange but i've never had a real bad day, or at least i don't remember having one.

but that was before today.

today was my first day of reservist, reporting time 0830. woke up at 0730 after about 4 hours sleep because my sleeping time in recent weeks is around 4-6am and i found it impossible to fall asleep early.

i got ready, hopped on my bike and a few minutes later, it was drizzling. where the fuck did that come from? everything looked fine before that so i figured it was just a slight drizzle. out came my new waterproof jacket that i have only just bought and tested under the tap at home. it sure was waterproof.

rode for a few more minutes and boom, here comes the rain, and i didn't have any waterproof pants. i was wearing only my uniform pants and shoes. it was gonna be a long and soggy day.

midway through, i found out the hard way that testing the jacket under a tap wasn't really such a good methodology after all. fortunately it wasn't that bad and i only got a little damp on the sleeves.

when i got there, i again found out the hard way that my bag wasn't as waterproof as i thought. again, it wasn't that bad and things just got a little damp.

HOWEVER, I AGAIN FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY THAT MY FUCKING HANDPHONE WASN'T THE FUCKING LEAST BIT WATERPROOF.

it was switched off and when i finally got it working, some buttons weren't functioning and the capslock would turn on and off randomly when i typed sO IT kiNDA tuRnED out LIKE tHIs. FUCK ME.

spent the next few hours sitting around in briefings/nothing, freezing and feeling generally uncomfortable until about 1pm where i had to go for shooting test. marksman and i would get $200, fail and i would have to reshoot on thursday, fail again and the whole reservist would be cancelled.

i failed my previous shoot so i wasn't having high hopes, but still confident that the previous failure was due to mechanical (really!) rather than operator problems. but of course you should know how this one turned out too.

after waiting for 3 ours till our turn, i went on to perform one of the worst shoots in the history of armed weaponry, i think people 200 years ago using flintlocks would've fared better.

and to cap off this wonderful day, the sky opened up once again as i prepared to ride home.

got home and managed to fix my phone problem and then watched shooting tips on youtube because i really don't know how i sucked so bad and i have no idea how to remedy this. it's not as though i can practice with anything. just close my eyes and visualise?

before my shoot i was talking to one guy there and he summed it up really well. he said he's gotten all sorts of scores before, from marksman to near failure, but each time it felt the same. just shoot at the target and hope for the best because you wouldn't know if you hit it or not. it's not like you can see the tiny holes and unlike in the army, the target doesn't fall down when it's hit.

b&f

so last friday i got my results and i passed everything so that's great. it also means that i have officially finished my studies and completed my honours degree.

i feel quite underwhelmed by this whole university experience. don't feel like i've learnt much or gained much from it. at the end of the day, the exams were just one big memory exercise, not much further thinking required, just spew out lines and lines until they lose their meaning and my hand loses its feeling.

of course it doesn't help that i hate memorising stuff, it's pointless and i don't feel educated. maybe i was expecting too much.

anyway that's all over now, but what's next?

2 years ago i had predicted that this moment would come. that's one of the reasons why i took up banking and finance, so that when i graduated and didn't have a clue what to do next, the choices would be obvious: banking or finance.

with that bit answered, i guess it's time.

yum

a few nights ago i was bored so i decided to cobble together a cocktail with whatever i had lying around. started with mango juice but there was only about a quarter of a cup left, so filled it up with orange juice and some pineapple that i mashed up, and 2 shots of vodka.

it wasn't too bad so tonight i made another cocktail, and the only reason i'm making this post is so that i will remember the ingredients because i think it tastes awesome.

around half a cup of orange juice (no idea how much because i just poured the breezer into what remained in the orange juice bottle), 1 bottle of lime bicardi breezer, around 1 shot of vodka (no idea, just poured, but could probably add more, to the point where it starts to taste disgusting).

whaddafuq

i have an aunt who is always trying to tell my cousin and i 'what's best for us' in our studies or career, depending on whatever she's most recently been influenced by. strange thing is she doesn't ever bother with my younger siblings or cousins, only targeting the 2 of us (same age).

it first really started when we were in sec 1 or 2, it was the december holidays and i was staying over at my cousin's place. one day she bad this brilliant idea that we should have TUITION CLASSES, and managed to convince our parents that we needed to go. she then arranged for us to attend a school.

whaddafuq. she told us to meet her at the mrt station and she'll bring us there. of course we had to do something about it, so our young scheming 13/14 year old minds came up with the perfect solution: we would simply not meet her!

remember, this was 10 years ago when only a few people had handphones, and my cousin happened to be the only one who had one, not even my aunt. so he switched it off and we still went to the mrt station just in case, but not with any intention of meeting her.

after loitering around the area for a while, we left and went to play lan, only returning home at night. then boom, we got fucked by everyone at home. they said my aunt waited at the mrt station for over an hour (LOL) and we were so irresponsible blah blah, but we stuck to the story that his phone died and we couldn't find her, and it blew over after that night.

and i think she got the message because she never ever asked us to go for any fucking tuition again.

of course it didn't just end there though, over the years she's been trying to get us to attend all sorts of courses, like for example she'll read in the papers that the finance sector is experiencing growth, and suddenly being in the finance industry would be the best shit ever and we should all sign up for some finance course.

and then a few weeks later she'll say that we should attend some other course, etc. some of the conversations with her can get a little weird too, i just try my best to get out without compromising my position. i always try to avoid situations when she can trap me 1-on-1 and spew her nonsense.

for example, last year after my exams:
aunt: so your exams are over now?
me: yeah, having holiday now.
aunt: oh, is it a holiday or is it a short break for you to attend some extra courses?
me: no it's a holiday.

and just recently:
aunt: when are your exams?
me: over already, i'll be graduating.
aunt: have you been looking for a job?
me: not yet, i'm waiting for results to be out first.
aunt: you are taking banking and finance now right?
me: yeah.
aunt: i think you should get a job first, then take a part-time accountancy course, and then you can become an accountant.
me: [whaddafuq if i wanted to be a fucking accountant i wouldn't be studying banking and fianance] er... no i don't like accountancy.
aunt: why? i think accountancy suits you. after that you can take auditing course too, and be an auditor.
me: [WHADDAFUQ?!?!] er... i don't like auditing too.
aunt: but i think it really suits you! and it's a stable job too. it won't suit your cousin because i think you're more careful and you can do auditing better.
me: ...

mofos

yesterday i was riding home after soccer when suddenly the bike sputtered and died. i started it back up and everything seemed fine for some distance before it died again.

after that it wouldn't start and i was stranded by the side of the road. stranded for the first time since the early days of getting my bike.

i've experienced this twice before. the first time was when there was some problem with the magnetic coil and second time was when i completely ran out of petrol.

i opened the tank and took a peek, nope the fuel was low, but definitely not out. so it must be the coil then, and there's no way i can fix that.

by the side of the road in the killer sun, i tried my best to fix the problem, which included checking all the wires were connected and then kicking everything a little to make sure they weren't falling off, because you know, when you can't fix it, kick it.

i could start the engine, but it would always run for about 30 seconds before sputtering. finally i gave up and pushed it across traffic lights and over pavements to a shell station. i left it there and the tow truck took it this morning.

from there i had to walk home because i was just going to soccer and i didn't bring anything with me, just my phone, boots, and some coins which i spent on drinks. fortunately the bike had managed to survive till i was somewhat closer to home.

and then this morning the bike shop called and they said it was probably because my fuel switch was not set at reserve and i had run out of petrol. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

the bike works like this: the tank is 8 litres, about 5L of petrol under the 'normal' setting, and then the petrol sign lights up and then the bike dies after the 5L are used up even though there's still another 3L in the tank. to use this 3L, you have to turn the switch over to 'reserve.'

the thing is, my switch has ALWAYS been in reserve ever since the beginning of time, so much so that i haven't even considered it to be a cause for this problem. i think it is most likely the mechanic very helpfully turned the switch back to its 'normal' position when i sent it for servicing last week.

and so the moral of the story is, always check that no mofos meddled with your fuel switch before decidding that your bike is dead and needs towing.

again

i've always felt that it is important to be self-sufficient, especially in things that are important to yourself.

they say that no man is an island but i think you just gotta be one fucking powerful and independent island.

you can't rely on others at all because they will surely let you down. not today, but definitely one day they will.

because at the end of the day, what's most important to each person is his own well-being. would he suffer in your place?

like i once said (and painfully illustrated)...

my ears

you know how i used to complain that my maid is so noisy? well after seeing my cousin's new maid, i'm so thankful for each and every quiet day here.

i used to complain to my cousin about my maid, and i now feel bad when i hear his stories because mine was nowhere close to his level, and besides, she has quietened down after i told her to stop singing when she woke me up again one morning.

on thursday i spent an evening at his place and i was dying. that woman, oh god... out of all her noise-making capabilities, her laughter is the real killer and she really laughs hard at everything. "AAHHH HYAG HYAG HYAG HYAG!"

she also likes to talk to everyone and her normal volume of speech is about 3 notches higher than that of a normal person talking in a crowded place, which makes it about 10 notches too high in a house where the only one talking is her.

sometimes she can try to talk to someone when she's in the far end of the kitchen and they're out in the living room watching tv. and by 'talk' i mean carry out a conversation by shouting.

she and i should be both glad that she isn't working in my family, because in this house only one of us can survive. it would have been a battle to the very end.

bali

it's been a week since i got back from a short trip to bali and everyday i've been trying to write something about it but i just can't seem to get it out.

overall it was quite alright, just not really my kind of thing. going with this group of friends, we remained in the crowded touristy areas the whole time and i never got to see the real bali.

one thing that i really found shit was the nightlife there, or at least the nightlife in the areas we went to. the patrons and the places were all so thrashy and disturbing, most of the time i just wondered what in the blue hell were we doing there.

on my first night there i thought that the whole of bali was just made up of these disgusting tourists but fortunately i was wrong. it seemed that only these type of people were attracted to the nightlife, and the normal ones were elsewhere.

we spent an afternoon surfing and that was quite fun although the cold water from the southern hemisphere winter nearly killed me. it didn't seem to have any effect on the ang mohs though, and i watched in shame as even their little kids frolicked happily in the water.

another point of shame was that i didn't manage to catch a single wave on my own after the lesson with the surfboard vendor/instructor ended. but the next day i watched some 'real' surfers and noticed that some of them didn't catch any waves too before giving up and heading to shore, and it made me feel slightly better about my [lack of] ability.

she's lost control

in the past, whenever i was about to get into any altercation, i would get an adrenaline rush associated with the flight or fight response. my heart would start beating faster, my hands would tremble, and i found it hard to think clearly.

i didn't like it because it felt like i wasn't in control of my body, that such an event could trigger this response even though i didn't want it to. it shows that i was physiologically affected.

in recent years, it hasn't been triggered and i was happy because i felt more in control, like such minor incidents don't faze me, bitch.

today i was in the national library and i found a seat on the sofas. there were 4 benches, first one was a young couple, second a guy in office attire, third me, fourth an old man.

a few moments after sitting down, i realised why the seat was empty in the relatively crowded library. the guy beside me was muttering vulgarities and slamming his books on the floor.

i took a peek and they were travel books on germany. he would violently flip through a few pages and then utter some vulgarities and slam the book on the floor. boom boom boom, there was already a pile forming around him.

was he crazy? he was smartly dressed, probably aged 35-40. if he was crazy i sure as hell didn't want to have anything to do with him. i continued reading my magazine.

minutes later, he got up and i thought he was leaving, but later came back with more books to add to his pile. on his way back, he was walking quickly and cursing all the way and i think he brushed past the old man on my right.

the old man looked at him as he continued slamming his books on the floor, and then he noticed the old man looking at him he stood up quickly in a threatening manner.

in my mind, the only thing was "this shit's gonna go down soon." and then before i knew it, i could feel my heart pumping. shit.

he sat down but i think the old man was still staring at him so he threw down his book and sprung to his feet. the couple beside him ran away, and there i was, between him and the old man. shit's really going down, i tried to control my breathing to lower my heart rate but it was difficult.

he started going towards the old man and i quickly stood up too. i wondered how should i attack him. i didn't want to make the first move. now he was right up to the old man, and the once 'brave' old man was cowering in fear.

"ANYTHING? ANYTHING?" he shouted. i assumed he meant 'any problem?'

my heart was really pumping by now. i knew i could handle him in a normal situation, but he was crazy, and crazy people have retard strength. i'm always afraid of crazy people.

fortunately he went back to sit down and i didn't have to be a hero. i told the old man to go sit elsewhere but he was now 'brave' again, and was staring at the crazy guy, telling me he wasn't afraid of him.

that stubborn fucker actually took quite a bit of coaxing before he was willing to leave. i told him, yes, you are not afraid, but that guy is crazy. just go sit elsewhere.

10 minutes later i could still feel my hands trembling slightly. looks like i need more practice to get better at this adrenaline thing.