ok
last week i was talking to a girl who i would probably consider to be somewhere between an acquaintance and a friend, and invariably the topic turned to work, or in our case, the lack of work.
having just graduated from uni, she's been frantically looking for work and has been completely unsuccessful.
she then asked me what have i been doing the past year (nothing, just relaxing) and how have i managed to survive for so long (savings).
somehow i got the feeling that she was unsatisfied with this, and after the entire conversation was over i came to suspect it's because she finds it unfair that she's been stressing out over her lack of work and meanwhile i'm just doing nothing and enjoying it.
so anyway she started questioning me, asking me what have i accomplished (accomplishments depend on the individual), saying that i'm wasting my time (working in a job i don't like is truly wasting my time), etc.
i then patiently explained to her that at the minimum, i should at least find something interesting in my work, otherwise everyday i would just be trading my life away for money and then before i know it, 10, 20 years have gone by and what do i have?
i told her that i don't need the money now so there's no need for me to do this.
she replied rather snappily, "that's for you lah, i don't have any money so i need to work."
and i thought to myself, why the hell are you angry? since when were we talking about you? you were asking me why wasn't i working and i told you.
mofos
today i brought my bike for its yearly inspection, which means its been 4 years since i first got it.
i don't like to ride in the daytime because of the crazy heat, and today's hour of riding reminded me of the other reason: the bloody mofo drivers who have shit for brains.
sometimes i feel it's not so much the actual threat of an accident that gets me riled up, but rather it's the anger and frustration that i have to suppress when i encounter these mofos that really makes me mad.
what made it worse today was that my horn wasn't working so i couldn't even HONK the mofos. i've never felt so helpless.
now for some artistically drawn images of what happened.
MOFO #1
MOFO #2
someday
this job thing is turning out to be a long and painful process.
i don't know what i want to do, i don't know what industry i would like to be in, so i'm looking at almost every job ad (when i find the motivation to, that is) that appears appealing, reading the descriptions and hoping to strike gold.
what is important to me is working environment, colleagues, superiors, company culture, but all these won't be known until i'm actually working there. and of course the pay has to be reasonable otherwise i would have already tried to be a social worker or whatever.
while attempting to narrow down my options, i thought of the things that i'm good at, but i didn't know how to translate any of them into things that i could find in a job. anyway most of the things i'm good at seem to be rather useless things.
i then thought of the things that i like to do, but damn that's worse. nowhere near what i would find in any job. sports, reading, chilling out, internet, music, motorbikes, clothing... please i would be eternally grateful if you could find me a job that matches these interests.
feeling desperate, i moved on to my degree and the things i learned in school. banking & finance in its entirety doesn't appeal to me at all, but i still looked at my exam results to see which modules i did well in, hoping that perhaps i could specialise in them.
fuck me, the modules that i did well in (for my standards) were modules that i really hated and found to be absolutely shitty, corporate finance, investment management and principles of accounting. on the other hand, i liked my psychology module and had an interest in it, but i did so terribly in the exams, maybe because i was actually reading for enjoyment rather than studying and memorising it.
happy national day
one of my friends told me this story about the company he is working in. he is older than me, and has been working in the company for quite a number of years.
in the beginning, it was just a small company, with a boss, a few managers, and a number of staff under them. the company was making profits every year, not a huge margin, but good enough.
he told me life was good then, everyone was happy at the company, in fact it felt more like a huge family (cliched, i know). working hours were reasonable and staff benefits were good, not fantastic, but good enough too.
then some years back, the boss "went crazy" and decided he wanted to expand the company. in the following years, they began hiring many new workers and eventually bought over the entire building.
that was fine he said, but then the management started to squeeze out profits from the company. working hours were longer, employee benefits reduced, pay increments came sparingly if at all. even arriving slightly late for work would get a stern reprimand, and lunch time was strictly an hour.
he said one of the most absurd things was that the management quietly increased parking prices and even the prices of drinks in the vending machines. the building is so overcrowded now that they'll surely be earning no matter how high they set the prices.
the overcrowding was so bad but the boss refused to move to a larger complex due to the costs. each cubicle was now reduced to a tiny space, toilets were overused and dirty, lifts were out of order from lack of maintenance.
it wasn't just that, the entire working environment became so shitty. they no longer went out to dinner (too tired after work) after work or celebrated birthdays (office time was strictly for working, lunch time so short and besides no one was in the mood anymore). everyone was just a machine now, with the sole purpose of churning out money for the company.
of course none of this affected the management. they now enjoyed higher pay, company issued vehicles, and best of all, bonuses based on company profits, which just made them really squeeeeze out every last drop.
they couldn't understand the troubles faced by the staff. for example, sometimes they came in late because it was raining in the morning or there were traffic jams, and they would get scolded. "why is it that i can get here on time and not you?!"
of course the management didn't face such problems. they lived in expensive properties near the central district where the company was and they had free cars to use while the staff had to squeeze on the train or bus.
many of the old staff were unhappy at the current situation. the new staff were oblivious because this is how it has always been for them. some of the old staff approached the management and boss regarding their unhappiness, but soon after they were mysteriously fired for 'underperforming' and replaced with new workers.
the old staff now knew that their positions in the company were expendable. after all, they were a toll on the company's resources, since their pay scale and benefits were more than those of the new staff, plus the new staff didn't have complaints about the company.
the management often reminded them that they should be thankful to be working in such an illustrious company, and how this expansion has brought so much profits and recognition to the company.
"what the fuck?" my friend said, "what in the fuck kind of logic is this? why should we be thankful when we are the ones working our asses off only for them to get all the bonuses? and seriously why in the fuck would we care about the company's profits when we don't even get to smell it?"
my friend is usually a very chill guy, and this was the first time i've seen him get so worked up. very stupidly, i asked him why don't they just leave if they find it so hard there?
"young man, you think it's so easy to leave? most of us are so old, you think any company would want us? they can easily hire a new worker for so much cheaper, just like what my company is doing now!"
so now they have no choice but to stay there, each day getting more and more unhappy as the management's squeeze gets tighter and crazier, waiting for the inevitable end where he too gets replaced.
the one time i wanted to kill a filipino
it was during the time when the haze was at its worst, and i was at jurong east trying to get from the mrt station to the safety of the aircon at the shopping centres. face masks were out of stock everywhere (what's the point of the govt stockpiling millions of masks when they're nowhere to be seen when we need them?) so i just had to brave it and breathe as little as possible.
so i was walking quickly, looking ahead to avoid all sales promoters who sadly had to work even in this shit conditions, controlling my breathing and in my mind just screaming to everyone to GET OUTTA MY WAY.
i spotted these 2 filipino women standing suspiciously in the middle of the bus interchange. i quickly scanned them and didn't see any of the obvious tell-tale signs of a salesperson. no clipboard, no nametag, no flyers, they were just standing there and i didn't see them approaching anyone either.
as i walked past, out of the corner of my eye i saw one of the women turn and appeared to call out to me. out of the kindness of my heart (i don't know where), i thought maybe she wanted to ask for directions or something since they looked kinda lost just standing there, so i took off my earphones and said "yes?"
"hi sirrrr," she drawled. "don't worry sirrr... i'm not selling anything." seriously, her speech was about 50% slower than a regular person, which means about 150% slower than a regular filipino.
ok fine, i didn't say anything because i didn't want to breathe. i just waited for her to finish asking me for the directions or whatever the fuck she wanted.
then she sloooowly reached into her pocket and slooooowly produced a namecard. i took it and looked at it, my kind heart still thinking she might be asking me how to get to this place.
at this point, she started drawling on about something on the namecard, and i finally realised she was not asking for directions. maybe she wanted me to buy something or do something, i have no idea what she wanted because i was so fucking pissed off i wasn't even listening, nor do i remember what was on the namecard.
"no," i said. she started drawling again. now i was really boiling and at the verge of shouting at her. remember, all this went on in the suffocating haze, i wanted to do nothing except get into the aircon, and this fucking bitch of a filipino stopped me to sloooowly tell me about god-knows-what?
i started walking off because i knew that if i opened my mouth again, bad things would come out. BUT SHE STOPPED ME! AND ASKED FOR THE CARD BACK! ok bitch you just made me suffer for another 3 seconds. now i wanted to physically assault her.
in a normal situation i would just take a deep breath and walk off, BUT NOW I COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE OF THE HAZE! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO CONTROL MY ANGER?