i really cannot stress just now much it pisses me off when people are noisy when they aren't supposed to be. recent examples would be the dog (not categorised under people but still) and my sister's bf (not just about his nakedness).
go a little further back and there would be the bitches yapping away during lectures, and one more which i haven't posted about.
some time back, the provision shop under my block closed down and a 7-11 took its place. since then, it has turned into a sort of night-time hangout spot for the malays in my little estate.
they sit around the floor outside the 7-11 and chat, but sometimes chatting leads to playing and playing leads to shouting and shouting leads to screaming. one day screaming will lead to their deaths.
there was one wednesday night, i remember it was a wednesday night because i was wondering why in the fuck were these kids out at this time? don't they have school? parents? homeless?
anyway wednesday night, they were screaming from 1am all the way till 4am. i was surprised no one called the cops and i was quite tempted to do so. the only reason i didn't was because i wanted them DEAD, and the cops wouldn't be able to do that for me.
i figured (and prayed) that it would be much better if any potentially crazy or mentally unsound person would suddenly snap from all that fucking noise and just go at them with a chopper. then at least their screaming would be for a good reason.
alas, fate was not on my side that night, and they finally dispersed into the darkness. but not to worry, they'll be back before long and one day, just one day... i hope that i'm not the one with the chopper.
as you might know, my level of suppressed anger and violence has been at all-time high these few days. i almost came to my boiling point last night, and it wasn't because of the dog. it was another of my sister's animals that was always lurking around my house.
i was studying in my room when suddenly i saw a figure walking past my room, the figure of a shirtless man. wait a minute, did i really see what i just saw? were my eyes playing tricks on me?
i turned and took another look. indeed, it was my sister's bf, and he was walking around my house shirtless.
i could feel it boiling up inside.
short summary of my sister's bf: he's ugly as shit, around 1.8+m tall and 55kg (more gross than peter crouch), i don't like him, my mother doesn't like him, and honestly my sister doesn't even like him that much.
ok i lied, i fucking hate him.
he's been around my house for a year or so now, and my prejudice can be sourced all the way back to the early days of his appearance.
it was around a year ago, during my previous study break. my sister used to always have a group of classmates over, including this cunt. while i was studying, he would always be the one fucker who was making the most noise outside, most probably because he wanted to get her attention.
i hated him from the first time i recognised him to be the one fucker who was making the most noise.
so back to the shirtless issue. very occasionally during the day he'll emerge from my sister's room shirtless and go to the kitchen. ok, i didn't like it but i didn't make a fuss because no one's at home anyway.
one time he slept over and i saw him coming out of the shower in only his boxers. it was getting on my nerves, but ok, maybe he forgot his clothes or whatever.
and then last night, everyone was home and suddenly this cunt comes out half naked like it was his fucking house, how totally disrespectful. i sat there and tried some breathing exercises but it only made me more pissed. i was having visions of me smacking the shit outta his face. ah, what joy...
i got out and started walking towards him. in a perfect world, i would have politely told him to put his shirt on, but i knew that in my current state of mine, it'll quickly turn into 'fucking him upside down' and maybe even include some violence if he wasn't happy about it.
i was already standing behind him ready to unleash, but i think it was the goddess of mercy that stopped me (and saved his ass). i took another deeeep breath and went to my mother's room instead. i told her to speak to my sister about this, and even then i could hardly control my voice. i wonder what would have happened if i had spoken to him.
i don't know what she said to my sister or if my sister has passed the message down, but i consider this his final warning. the next time, this shit's gonna get real. my mother said i should control my anger. if only she knew how much i've been controlling it.
i have now been awoken from my sleep 4 times in 3 days due to the dog's thunderous barking.
i have also made it known to everyone that i will kill the dog if given the chance, and this has alleviated the problem somewhat because they're all watching the dog's behaviour intently, worried that these few days will indeed be its last.
the dog's really somewhat retarded. its home ground is in my brother's room, which is at the furthest end away from the main door. what it did the whole fucking day and night (no exaggeration) was every 10-15 mins it'll bark, and then it'll run to the main door and bark there, run around the living room a few times, and finally go back into my brother's room.
my brother was rather edgy the entire day, i don't know if my sister told him i wanted to kill the dog and his gf. each time the dog started barking or running out he'll chase it and try to coax it back into the room, which is good because otherwise it'll be barking like a fucker again and i'll have no choice but to kill it.
it also doesn't help that this dog is one of the worst trained dogs ever. i think my brother's gf only taught him one thing, which is to sit and then high-5. that's all, seriously. and it doesn't even work all the time.
oh and i've also seen my brother's gf use "no" on it, like no barking! no running! but i don't think the dog even understands what it means. it'll just bark until it's satisfied and stop, and i guess that makes her think that her commands actually work.
another thing is i suspect my sister was the one who gave the green-light to have the dog come over. she's some sort of an animal-lover, but the way i see her interacting with the dog, i'm so glad we don't have one or else it'll definitely turn out to be more of a fucker and way more retarded than this one.
like when the dog is barking like a mad fucker, she'll go over to it and say "no barking no barking," and of course it'll continue barking. then my sister will pet it. so what the dog is thinking is (assuming that retard can even think), ok, if i bark she'll come here and pet me.
sometimes i feel like i shouldn't blame the dog. after all it's just a dog, it is the owners who made it this way. sometimes i let my hatred subside, and then that fucker starts barking again and i start plotting its death.
wednesday morning, this nightmare will finally be over.
last night i was on my way home when i recieved an sms from my mother saying that there's a dog in my house so i should be careful when coming back, in case it runs out.
dog? fuck. never been a fan of those animals. annoying, hyperactive, annoying, noisy, annoying, smelly. so i got home and there was no dog in sight. then i heard some barking coming from my brother's room. my sister updated me on the story.
the dog belongs to my brother's gf. she was going to bangkok until tuesday and for some reason there was no one at home to take care of it.
we were gonna be taking care of it. not my brother, because he's gonna be back in camp.
i would think that it's very sweet of her... if i was her fucking dog. my house has turned into an animal shelter.
of course every pet owner would think that their pets are the sweetest cutest things in the world, but to others, it's just a thing. a fucking dirty and smelly thing.
9am this morning i was awoken by the dog barking. i wondered how to shut it up. chocolate? window? water? my neighbour has a small dog, and i'm not bothered by it because when it barks, it sounds like 'yap yap yap.' this dog's bark sounds like fucking thunder.
afterwards my sister told me the dog has shat all around the kitchen. i've heard stories of dogs eating their own shit because they were worried their owners would get angry. this dog need to learn. the rest of the day was punctuated by random bouts of barking, and each time i feel very thankful for my lovely brother and his lovely gf for bringing such joy into my life. the past 12 hours i've spent in close proximity with that dog has affirmed all the reasons why i dislike most of them. most dogs remind me of a retarded child, running around, panting, having loud outbursts for no particular reason. can't they just go lie in a corner and stfu? but of course like all retarded children, there are well-behaved dogs out there. those i have no problem with. unfortunately for me, this one is not one of them. i gotta survive 3 more days, or should i say i hope it survives 3 more days with me.
update:
10:30pm, awoken by the thunderous barking again. and the reason i was asleep was because the fucker woke me up so early this morning in the first place.
i said to my sister "what's wrong with this stupid fucking dog?" it's the first time i've ever used the f-word in front of her.
"i'm gonna kill that stupid kenny (bro gf) and kill this stupid dog and they can be buried together forever."
i have been sleepless for 2 papers now and it's not really all that bad. the first day my paper ended at 1, and i figured i'll stay up until night and then sleep early to reset my body clock.
well that was the plan anyway. i ended up staying awake all the way till 5am when i went to bed and it still took some time before i finally fell asleep.
but yeah, it's not that bad. i find that for the stuff that i can remember, i am able to recall them better. i don't get that "oh shit i went to sleep and forgot everything" feeling.
on the other hand though, there will be times when everything just goes blank. i sit there trying to figure out some shit, and after a while i ask myself just wtf was i supposed to be trying to remember?
just gotta keep calm and wait for the feeling to pass.
so regarding about my dream last night, i've been thinking about it all day trying to recall/recreate what happened.
i was in a dark room, lying on the floor with a girl. i was hugging her and also somehow painting on a big canvas.
it was a mind map of my mind, but the way it came out was like my thoughts just flowing out of my head through the brush and forming my thoughts on the canvas.
after a while i closed my eyes and i could still see what was being painted on the canvas.
then the girl held the brush with me and we just painted the mind map together like our consciousness had merged into one and the things that came out were a seamless flow of our thoughts combined.
the feeling was so intense that it caused me to 'wake up' into another dream where i was trying to figure out just what had happened and also trying to remember as much of it as possible.
as i was still in a dream, i guess my mind was still 'open' at that time and it all made perfect sense to me.
in the end i must have been using too much concentration and i woke up again, this time for real, and i was just completely awake because my brain had already been running at over-drive for some time.
well, it has come down to this again. sleepless on the night before my exam. this study break i've been waking and sleeping at all sorts of odd hours, until i finally reached an equilibrium around 2 weeks ago. i'll wake up at 1pm, bum around the entire day, start studying at 12am, and finally go to bed at 6 in the morning. not the most conventional, but at last i found something that worked. (yes i only found it 2 weeks before my papers) i had actually anticipated this, knowing that my paper tomorrow was starting at 10. this past week i've been trying to adjust my sleeping time to match this, or at least not fall asleep at 6. i first tried sleeping a little earlier at 4am, and waking up at 11. i ended up finally falling asleep at 5 and waking at 1. ok, i shall wake up earlier the next day so that i'll be tired at night and sleep earlier. very optimistically, i set my alarm for 9am. i woke up and felt like i would die any instant and fell right back into bed. fuck me, i had only 1 day left. today i tried a more reasonable 11am, but once again i felt like i was gonna die right there. fortunately at around 9pm i was feeling sleepy. my new plan was to sleep and then wake up at 4am and do some last minute revision till morning. so i went to bed and i was dreaming about some insane and trippy stuff and then i suddenly woke up and i was wide awake. the dream was so incredible yet intangible that i wanted to record it down. at first i could recall everything but as the seconds ticked by, it all just turned into mush.
i tried to lull myself back to sleep but only succeeded in putting myself in a sort of half-dream state where my thoughts were flowing all around yet i knew i was still awake. after what seemed like eternity, i checked the time and it was only 1:30am. i lay there for another hour before deciding to fuck it and just do something instead, so here i am. i wonder what time i'll sleep tomorrow...
the problem with studying this year is this laptop. it all started that one fateful day when i finally decided it was time for me to procure all my necessary notes and past year papers.
most of the stuff were online so i downloaded them all, and it was quite a lot of notes. then, i had to make a choice: print them all out or refer from my laptop.
being the hopelessly lazy ass that i am, i'm sure you know which one i chose.
and of course as always, when it comes to studying, everything else seems infinitely interesting, and there is an infinite number of things on the laptop. thus my studying has been an infinite failure.
without even talking about the websites, the music, the videos, i have been distracted by the most stupid of games: solitaire and minesweeper.
solitaire has always been a favourite of mine, and it's really so easy to just click on the icon whenever my mind wanders from the notes. one game, i always tell myself, but that's never the case
minesweeper, on the other hand, is one absolute fucker of a game. i curse the day when i somehow decided to start playing it for the first time in a year.
i think i spent 3 hours playing it on that day, and countless others on little 'sessions' that always seemed to stretch to half an hour or more.
the problem with minesweeper is that i'm always soooooo close, and it's so annoying to lose. the problem is that i've only won i think 3 times in a thousand games. sometimes i click till i get blur and misclick, and FFFFFFFUUUUUUUU!!! restart.
these days though, i've moved on to something a little more interesting, facebook poker. i think the last time i played it was 2 years ago, but this damn studying thing is really pushing me to seek any sort of escape i can find.
so here i am, heart beating a little quicker, wondering if my pocket aces are gonna get fucked over again by some lucky and nonsensical 2 pair.