they only exist at a special time

sometimes i doze off while listening to music, and the place between consciousness and sleep, the lyrics become my dreams.

everything in them makes perfect sense until i start thinking "wtf is this?" as i wrestle myself from the sleep and try to put my dreams in order.

at that point of time, everything falls apart and try as i may, i can never recall them.

dreams are not to be messed around with.

fml

today i was stuck on the bus in the maddening traffic and i thought to myself- "so many cars, so little space." then i imagined that in the future we'd have to build another level of roads in order to make space.

a brilliant idea struck me: how good it would be if this level could be used specifically for public transport? that way we wouldn't run into such shit.

then i realised that such a thing already exists. it's called the MRT.

6am

football is the greatest theatre. that's why i'm awake at this time, and it's infinitely better when your team wins.

so why's this still here?

the last time i told anyone about the existance of this blog was... a long long time ago. i just don't feel comfortable in having people whom i'm not familiar with read this, because it's very easy for them to form random conceptions and conclusions about me from the shit that i write.

i don't think this blog is an accurate representation of myself. it is just what i want to, and choose to portray. the things in here are a condensation of my thoughts and feelings, but deeper thoughts and feelings still remain hidden.

i write to entertain (sometimes only myself), to share my experiences and ideas, and to a very minimal extent, to allow people to keep in touch with me and my life.

a question to those who know me: how accurate a representation is this blog of me?

this shit

i came home and decided to see some stuff that i shouldn't have, and now bad thoughts are swimming in my head. bad. they shouldn't still be here. so anyway let me tell you a story so that i can take my mind off this shit. i dreamt of this last night...

i was sitting somewhere with a group of people, and in it was a friend from the past whom i do not wish to have anything to do with anymore (in reality as well as in the dream). this friend was sitting beside me and i tried my best to ignore him.

a cat came out of nowhere and i started to play with it. it was a cat in my dream, but it's actually more like a palm-sized lizard. i've got no idea why i dreamt it as a cat. so anyway it somehow decided to crawl INTO my mouth, and this was perfectly normal too in my dream.

my friend then wanted to play with the cat, and tried to take it out of my mouth. but i didn't want him to, so i clamped my mouth shut. he managed to wriggle his finger between my teeth so i bit it. he struggled so i bit harder, but i was mindful to still keep this under control.

seconds later, he took out his hand and made an exclamation. i looked and the top section of his index finger was missing. i realised that the remainder was inside my mouth, together with the cat. i quickly spat it out as he went to seek help. (no idea where's the cat at this point.)

at this point i knew i was fucked because i would be arrested by the police for causing grievous hurt. i tried to call him back but he was gone. after that, i took the section of finger from the chair and went to find a doctor to reattach it, hoping that this way he wouldn't go to the police and i wouldn't get in trouble.

i found a doctor who said that he could reattach the finger, so i called my friend on his handphone. he was on the mrt. i tried getting him back but he refused, although i don't remember where he wanted to go. this made me quite worried because i didn't wanna get in trouble. i didn't give a shit about his finger.

i was really getting very worried about my future when i woke up. oh joy.

which one are you?

i've come to the conclusion that over the years, i've subconsciously grouped all the people i know into 2 distinct categories: those that i have faith in, and those that i consider hopeless.

by faith, i mean that i have confidence in their abilities, their moral standards, their level of intelligence, etc. almost all of those in this category are people who i am close to, that over time i have decided that yes, you are good, you won't let me down.

and in the other group, hopeless means that i do not consider them to be worth my time, either due to their attitudes, level of stupidity, personalities, etc.

but strangely, when people in the hopeless group do something stupid, i will get angry and wish to destroy them. this shouldn't be the case since whatever they do is of no concern to me.

on the other hand, when people whom i have faith in do something stupid, i will never get angry. i will just feel sad and disappointed that i have put my faith in the wrong person. if this happens a few more times, the person would be silently relegated into the other group.

save it

the problem with getting something that you've always wanted is that it will never be as good or fun or exciting or interesting as you imagined it to be.

blame it on your excellent and boundless imaginative abilities, because it blows everything out of proportion, and the only one that's gonna suffer is you.

so what this means is that there is no point in getting the things of your dreams, because it'll just be an exercise in futility.

i don't know why

remember this?



this freaks me out too.

old stuff

often i'd read about people who manage to pull out fantastic vintage clothing from their parents' closets, and feel a sense of loss because i am excluded from this activity. first of all, my father is not exactly known to be the most fashion-forward person around, and secondly because almost all of his old stuff have been long gone with time.

today i was sifting through the loads of junk in my grandmother's old room, and came across my father's old camera bag, with his camera, flash and lens still intact (i tore his lens rubber while fiddling with it). the bag is brown leather and still in good condition, but unfortunately it would look more appropriate on a girl in today's world.

anyway i think that'll be the first and only find, since i don't think he has any other hiding places for his stuff.

other than that, i also uncovered my grandmother's china immigration card, from when she first came to singapore in 1946. she was 38 then, and from my understanding she only got married after she came here. i find it quite strange that she only married at such an old age, especially in the days when people generally did when they were very young.

ok wait i just realised, she was born in 1923 which makes her only 23 years old in 1946... i guess she lied to the immigration to get here. i wonder why?

r+j

i forgot about this song for so long. it's still amazing.

definitely

i believe that aliens exist. it would be absurd to believe otherwise, given the infinite vastness of space. it is just silly to say that earth is the one and only place where life managed to develop.

many people have questioned that if aliens do exist, why have they not tried to contact us? but why would they want to? we are a vile, destructive species. if i were an alien, i would be more concerned with destroying humans than making friends.

regarding ufos and aliens actually being on earth, i'm not too sure, but it's still possible. they came, took a look, and decided that we are not worth the trouble. or maybe they, like us, just haven't discovered each other yet.

anyway, one interesting thing. given that the universe is more or less infinite, and there are infinite possibilities in it, it is not entirely impossible that there is another galaxy somewhere just like ours, with the same solar system, same earth, and same stupid human/alien typing out this blog post.

and maybe another version of me who is spiderman.

the truth

i was watching a bit of king kong on tv last night, when i realised how wrong that story actually is. it must have been the strangest case of stockholm syndrom ever. a normal, pretty woman who develops feelings for her captor, who just so happens to be a damn fucking giant gorilla.

this is wrong and impossible on so many accounts, least of all because we all know that women hate giant hairy (and definitely smelly) creatures. it's in their nature, i guess. i know because i have a big hairy friend and he complains that he never has any luck with the ladies.

if women dislike a big hairy human, what hope is there for a giant fecking gorilla? and the human doesn't even smell anywhere as bad as the gorilla.

in a more realistic setting, the woman would crawl into king kong's ear while he gets murdered by the army. after which she'll escape and get famous selling her story to the papers, and then dump adrien brody because he's not famous enough.

we are god's failed experiment

sometimes i'll feel invincible when i'm tipsy, with the alcohol-induced bravado and all that going on, but mostly i'll still regain a little bit of sense in me.

but when i'm suffering from a hangover, however, that's when i really feel invincible. why? because there is nothing more important that that stupid throbbing in my head. everything else is secondary.

yesterday i was suffering from the mother of all hangovers, which lasted all the way till nighttime. i was thinking of a lot of things so that i could distract from that throbbing, and here's one for you.

i was pissing (literally) when this came to mind: if there is a god, why did he ever bother creating us? i couldn't wrap my mind around this, because if I were god, i wouldn't create me. i wouldn't create you too. or your mom.

the only reason for this would be that he's been spending eternity with nothing much to do, and so decided to make us for some bit of amusement. after all, what's more funny than watching little humans running around?

and also watching little humans writing blasphemous blog posts. oh joy. blame it on the hangover.

not officially

all the way till last night, i refused to look at anything with the year 2010 on it, like the date on the newspaper, computer calendar, etc.

if i don't see it, then it isin't really happening.

and then as i was flipping through my phone messages, the dreaded number came up. message received: 1 jan 2010.

dammit.