and i'm tall

so it's good old chinese new year, where we all get to meet some distant relatives that one time each year, and collect red packets from them.

so this year everyone found something new to say about me. the usual "wah, you're so tall already," has turned into "wah, why you never/don't want to cut your hair?"

this is much great fun, of course. i forgot to think of a nice and cool way of telling them why i don't wanna cut my hair. something to the extent of "because i like," would probably do well.

anyway, it was quite interesting listening to them telling me the various pros and cons of cutting /not cutting my hair. if you haven't realised, the pros were applied to cutting and the cons to not cutting.

like how my hair causes pimples, or how there is a 'light' on my forehead that is used to ward off evil and that by covering it, i can't ward off evil and will be forced to be evil and kill everybody and take over the world.

blah blah. looking at my cousins, it seems that their idea of 'hair' is short and spiked and brownish and such weird shits, which i think looks stupid by the way.

besides, they wear pink! PINK! and other weird shits like long sleeved botton-shirts done up all the way.

so obviously i don't want to be like them. and my hair isin't exactly long anyway.


now playing
ask me anything - the strokes

oldies

everytime i go out, i will almost without fail see an old woman dressed in what i call hooker-wear. i'm referring to those 45++++ female sub-species that think that they are still 16 and sexy, although i doubt they were EVER sexy before.

and since they think they are 16 and sexy, they would tend to dress up as one, with short shorts and nice skimpy tank tops. of course, not to forget their disgustingly dyed hair and scary make-up, complete with dark mascara, bluish eyes, red cheeks and bloody lipstick. add a pair of platform shoes or heels to finish the look.

i wonder if they are aware of how fuckingly disgusting it is, and how much they resemble hookers. or maybe it is their aim to look like a hooker.

i think what irks me more is not how sick they look, but that they are so FUCKING STUPID NOT TO REALISE THEY ARE BLOODY OLD, and that they think they are still sexy. oh my, oh my. or maybe they think they can camouflage their age with sick clothes and sicker make-up.

smell me good

i was happily sitting in the bus a while ago when a couple sat down in front of me. what struct me most was not their garish attire, but that i was overcome by a strong smell.

after some careful analysis, i figured that it is a potent mixture of some kind of perfume and very stale cigeratte smoke. the girl probably tried in vain to mask that stench with copious amounts of cheap perfume.

either that or the guy is the one supplying the smoke while the girl thought it would be cool to use enough perfume to make an elephant smell good. of course, i'm not saying that her perfume smells good.

i hope that it's not the guy supplying the perfume.

besides, the guy has lines in his hair probably to make him look cool and is wearing a damn pink shirt.

oh my poor nose. and MY EYES...




- written this morning at 9-something


now playing
love song - the cure

ANALyse

"i am worried of being close to fat girls cos i'm afraid of falling in love with them."
- me

when you first read the above statement, you would think that i'm a bastard who looks down on fat girls. unless of course, you look down on them too.

anyway, if you closely analyse the statement, the smarter ones would realise that i said i am capable of falling in love with fatties.

if i can fall in love with fatties, how can i possibly be prejudiced against them?

so as you can see, the things i say here can't really be taken on surface value. you have to delve deeper into the recesses and understand.

don't just read and call me a bastard.

anyway the statement is just an example. A FUCKING EXAMPLE. it does not come from the bottom of my heart. i mean nothing in that statement.

1 to 3 years old

my sister is in secondary 1 this year. she still drinks progress milk from a milk bottle. the label says "recommended for children 1 to 3 years old."

she made it to express stream. i thought her brain development would remain at "1 to 3 years old."

she drinks milk once when she wakes up and once before she goes to sleep. this overloading of fluids in her body would cause her to pee when she sleeps.

and when this happens, she would take a towel and place it on the patch of pee and continue sleeping. i think she changes her pants too.

sometimes she just moves somewhere else to sleep, leaving unsuspecting victims to step on the wet mattress. this would cause much physical harm towards herself if the victim happens to be me.

not too long ago, i was drying myself after bathing. i decided to smell the towel and regretted it immediately.

so next time if you're in my house, try not to step on any mattresses. and bring your own towel if you want to bathe, unless you don't mind the potential harm.

please note that not all towels in my house are pee-soaked. i just happened to be unlucky. twice.


now playing
in the devil's territory - sufjan stevens

experiment

finger nails grow at a rate of 0.1mm a day, or 1cm in 100 days. the nails on my middle fingers are 0.9mm long, which means they are 90 days old.

the last time i cut them was back in the beginning of october.

"eee your fingernail so sick," my classmate said today.

i felt lucky she didn't see the other one.

"why you keep so long for?" she asked.

actually i don't know why. i think i just grew attatched to them. i decided to save my middle-fingernails when i cut off the rest last month.

they were already growing for 2 months then, and thought it would be a waste to destroy them all. so i saved the middles.

i'm testing my own patience. rastafaris grow dreadlocks, and i grow fingernails. i want to see how long they can get, before they break off or i get sick and get rid of them.

they are quite a hinderance though. i can't type with them cos they always hit the wrong keys. now i only use my index and ring fingers to type.

i wonder how girls can handle 5 of them.

"experiment," i told her.


now playing
they are night zombies!! they are neighbours!! they have come back from the dead!! ahhhhh! - sufjan stevens
(his songs have such cool titles)

ooze hot sex

i have found the sexiest band-with-a-girl-singer. it's the cardigans.

they're swedish and they have a sexy singer. her name is nina persson and her voice is so damn sexy. she's the type that oozes hot sex from every pore even without having to try.

and she is freaking married. whoever that guy is, he is one lucky bastard.

oh yes, the cardigans are better then the distillers. the cardigans are better then metric. the cardigans are better then go betty go.

in short, they are the sexiest band-with-a-girl-singer.


now playing
and then you kissed me - the cardigans

no

"on january 12, 2006, a stampede during the ritual stoning of the devil on the last day of the hajj in mina, killed at least 346 pilgrims and injured at least 289 more. the stoning ritual is the most dangerous part of the pilgrimage because the ritual can cause people to be crushed."
- wikipedia

i wonder if it's worth it. every year people die and every year many more go there. and then i wait and see how many are going to die. it's a forseen situation and yet it happens all the time.


now playing
the calendar hung itself - bright eyes

cooly

so it's been raining hard for the past week or 2. my termometer-clock's been at 25 degrees celcius for a long time.

sometimes in the morning i wake up and wash my hands. and then my hands turn white.

my extremities always get cold easily. my hands and feet, not my dick.

so all's cool.

and i bought the new the strokes album. and ballyhoo by echo and the bunnymen because it was $13.95 and i would fuck myself if i didn't get it.

fuck me.


now playing
heart in a cage - the strokes

(smile smile)

one of the less obvious reasons i don't like going for lectures is that many lecturers are bloody hypocrites.

one of the main things that make me spazz uncontrollably is that they like to tell people to shut up with a smile. the type of fake shit smile that air stewardess use, except that the lecturers are kinda old and ugly.

"hello, can you please keep quiet (smile smile), it is hard for others to learn if i'm distracted. (smile smile)"

or

"do you have something to share with us? (smile smile) you seem to be talking about something very interesting. (smile smile)"

what the fuck. i think it would be mucho better if they just tell us to shut up with a straight face. of course, i understand that they are trying to 'respect' us as 'young adults' by speaking politely to us.

you know, if they spoke like that to a real adult, they would probably get slapped for thinking that adults are idiots.


now playing
the days of the phoenix - afi

no no

you know what sucks the most? no no, it's not a vacuum cleaner.

it's when someone you know starts wearing something which you deem to be stupid and dumb and whatever else, but you're too kind/gay to let them know what you really think.

like this guy who i know. he started wearing white spectacles out of the blue. when i see him in school, i always think "WTF is he doing in that shit?" since he really isin't one of those idiots. BUT HE IS WEARING WHITE SPECS FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

so you know, it kinda sucks.


now playing
the importance of being idle - oasis

the slap test

this test is strictly for girls with boyfriends only. (gay)guys with (gay)boyfriends may also participate. guys should refrain from doing so unless really necessary.

ask the guy if he likes to look at other girls (or guys).

if he says no, slap him because he is lying.

if he says yes, slap him for being a pervert.

you win.

warning: if the test subject is not romantically linked to yourself or physically restrained, retaliation may occur which could result in serious injuries.


now playing
bat country - a7x

ban me

ban these.





















not these

seriously though, if the sprays were banned, what would people do during future countdowns? it would be kinda stupid to just stand around and count from 10 to 0. the fun is in the spray, since there is really nothing else to do.

yay

so i changed the template. i got sick of the old one which was there since the beginning. so yay.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

q: what am i doing at home on a saturday afternoon?
a: i dunno.

foamy idiots

there has been a big fuss about the foam-spray-molestations going on at orchard road during the christmas and new year's eve celebrations. girls say that guys (banglas) use the foam to blind them and then molest them.

some madfucks even made a petition to ban foam-spray at future countdowns. i am not one of those madfucks.

actually i enjoy going down to orchard to celebrate (spray), and have been doing so for the past 3 years. it's so much fun for deranged people like myself.

i really don't see anything wrong with the spray shit. it's almost common sense that girls should stay away from crowded places, because there are many many people (banglas) out there who lack sex in their lives and would not shy away from the chance to grab their first female ass/breast.

and with all that foamy shit, it is a no-brainer that they should NEVER consider walking into the crowd. it's like they are giving these people (banglas) chances to molest them.

i'm not trying to say that the girls were asking for it, but they should have done something to prevent it. something like walking somewhere else.

anyway, i only spray people who carry spray cans. i do not target innocents. because i have good morals. so if you were at orchard and got foamed on, it wasn't me. and of course, i do not molest. not even if the girl was very hot. and i do not touch guys as well.

and i'm not being racist by saying that (banglas) are the ones who are doing the molesting. it's just that these girls (and everyone else in general) say that the (banglas) are going it. so i should follow the crowd cos i'm a pussy and do not dare to go against the majority.


now playing
streaks in the sky - thursday

advice for the budding poly student

always claim that you do not do your homework/do not study for tests/did your homework in 5 mins, even if you did otherwise.

why? because by doing so, your classmates would tend to be less hardworking, since they think that no one else studies.

and when your classmates really suck, you would appear to be doing relatively better in school. they suck = you good, they good = you suck.

when you do well at tests or work, just say that it's all luck. even if you have been studying for the past week, or have spent 20 hours on that report.

always try to avoid allowing your classmates to copy your work when they want to 'borrow' it. say that you didn't spend any effort on it, or that you copied it from someone else. any excuse is a good excuse.

follow my advice and be great, although there is a chance you would be hated by everyone in general when they find out. but who cares? you don't need friends, you just need money.


DISCLAIMER: i DO NOT participate in any of the above-mentioned activities. when i say i don't study, i mean it. my sucky grades are proof of this.

10 things that should happen in 2006 which would make the world a better place

1. white spectacles are found to cause cancer
2. birds start to shit on anyone wearing pink
3. people mysteriously start walking faster
4. singapore invades america and destroys bush
5. girls suddenly find me extremely sexy
6. lindsay lohan/s.h.e. releases a song with sublimal messages that makes listeners kill themselves
7. pakistan finally recieves some help for their earthquake
8. i strike lottery 10 times a month, for every month
9. a dead terrorist comes back as a ghost and goes on the news telling all other terrorists that they do not actually go to heaven after they die
10. alcohol becomes cheaper


now playing
live and learn - the cardigans

merry new yearrr

and so it's 2006. sounds weird. i'm hoping that by some magical miracle, this year will be better than the last. which seems quite difficult considering 2005 was quite a great year, to me at least.

every year, i forget how damn fast it is to the next year. i always think "oh damn, it's gonna be a long long way," and before i know it, it's the damn new year again. great.

anyway, i was watching fireworks at assplanet last night. and from our fucked-up vantage point over at the padang, i marvelled at my fantastically bad luck as i missed time and again to capture the bestest parts while my phone's camera was saving the sucky ones i took earlier.

it was almost as though they were purposely sending up mini decoy-fireworks to make my phone jam while the good shit comes out.