this is it
"we held hands on the last night on earth. our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves. it was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. so we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. in our cancer of passion you said, 'death is a midnight runner.'
the sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. we picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. the echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. the few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. i kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realise that my ticket wasn't for two.
i rode alone.
you said, 'the cinders are falling like snow.' there is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence. of blue and grey. strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city. the sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message."
- afi
from the album sing the sorrow
217-
"breathe in the life of the summmer's death as the orange and red breathe their first breath, so welcome as they're burning through."
malleus maleficarum - afi
if blogger is to be trusted, this would be my 217th post. and probably my last. this blog has been dying for a long time. dying a long slow death. people say it's better to burn out than to fade out; and this have been left to fade for too long. maybe i'm being kind and doing it a favour by killing it.
my brain has not kick-started itself like i thought it would, once i got back to school and gave it some exercise. it's still dead. i can't think of any interesting thoughts worth writing about. no stupid things to say about stupid people. no exciting events to document.
so goodbye to whatever readers i have.
maybe i will be back one day, the day my brain decides to restart operation.
honey and green tea
"rest in peace girl, your death is such a shame. the paper said a bullet got in your way, but i smell foul play, possible poisoning"
buried a lie - senses fail
ever since a bottle of honey mysteriously appeared in my kitchen, i've been adding honey to a lot of things.
honey and apple juice, honey and chocolate milk. now i'm drinking honey and green tea. the first one is not recommended. honey and green tea is great stuff. honey and chocolate milk only is kinda nice and funky.
today was the real oral communications talk. i think i didn't make it past the 2 minute passing time again. got stuck halfway through and just stood there 'thinking' until 2 minutes was up. dumb me forgot that i should just go to my conclusion, which i left out as well. i hope the teacher didn't stop the time when i stopped talking.
there's another one next week.
another 5 minutes
"armed with a plethora of insecurities, we keep each other amused."
make out kids - motion city soundtrack
these few days, i've been waking up nice and early. then i think it's too early and go to sleep for "another 5 minutes." then i wake up again to find that i'm late.
like yesterday. i woke up at 7.45 for class at 9. my mother was in the toilet so i went back to sleep and wait for her to finish. then i woke up to find out it was 9 and finally made it to school at 10.
i need wake-up calls.
life is great
"we'll try and ease the pain, but somehow we'll feel the same. well, no one knows where our secrets go."
mayonaise - the smashing pumpkins
my life thus far:
today the computer teacher told us that today would be the last time we'll be seeing him. only then i realised how close i am to the end of the semester. exams. holidays. new semester, new subjects.
the only thing is, it's the end of the semester and i still know close to nothing about my work. i wonder if this is good or bad. probably somewhere in the middle. the subjects i'm learning now would not be repeated, which means that the crap i'm learning for statistics and econs and such would have to last for a long long time.
and since everyone would probably forget everything learnt, i come to the simple conclusion that poly is useless.
4 months for a semester is quite damn short. much too short to learn anything useful, that's for sure. i'm not complaining, since life has been good these 3 months. bumming around, skipping lectures to bum around, bumming around in class, bumming around everywhere. ocasionally doing just enough work to make me seem like a good student.
got some nice people to bum around with too, since bumming around alone is the first phase of retardation.
life is great.
change the damn thing
"you told me that the daylight burned you and that the sunrise was enough to kill you. i said maybe you're a vampire, you said it's quite possible i feel truly dead inside."
trouble breathing - alkaline trio
i finally got unlazy enough to transfer my songs over to the laptop. now i have to get unlazy enough to go down to the creative office and change the damn thing.
repeated transferring of songs from computer to mp3 player to laptop to mp3 player causes the quality to go to shit. which is why i'm expecting shit quality music to be accompanying me around after i change the damn thing.
unless, though very remotely possible, i get unlazy enough to rip all my cds again, and download all my other songs again. then label them all nicely again, since i like my music to be named nicely. labelling all 842 of them is not easy. or i can just fuck all and wait till it is totally and completely fucked before i go change the damn thing.
hurhur
"you said tonight is a wonderful night to die. i asked you how you could tell, you told me to look at the sky. look at all those stars, look at how goddamn ugly the stars are."
trouble breathing - alkaline trio
it was early in the morning and i was late for class. oral communication class, we were supposed to talk about a topic for a time unknown to me (because i was late). lucky me was first to go. early in the morning, brain not functioning. it still wanted to sleep.
the question was "if you could choose, which office job would you prefer?" i had a minute to think. i couldn't. standing in front of the class, my time was up. "i would like to be the ceo..." i didn't even think up any points to talk about.
i finished. "very good, less than a minute," the teacher said. then i found out the minimum time was 2 minutes. so i failed. lucky it was only a practice. "good," the teacher said. "i think we can actually finish the whole class if everyone does the same." hurhur. how sacarstic. that's why we all love her.
sad fucks
"in starlit nights i saw you, so cruelly you kissed me. your lips a magic world, your sky all hung with jewels."
the killing moon - echo and the bunnymen
it only seems normal that when a person feels sad, he would listen to happy songs to feel better. after all, who the hell wants to feel sad? then when he feels happy, he would listen to more happy songs to continue being happy. but it seems that when we're feeling shitty, we would listen to more sad songs to make ourselves feel shittier.
it doesn't make any sense. i am one of the idiots who listen to sad songs when i'm feeling sad. makes me feel sadder. or perhaps offer a bit of consolation in knowing that the sad fucks who wrote the sad songs were probably as sad as i. knowing that other sad people exist.
as godsmack says, it's all self-inflicted misery.
[i'm not feeling sad]
(some people are going to read it and think that i'm actually feeling sad and lying about not feeling sad to appear cool)
weird happenings
"i think i saw you in an ice-cream parlour, drinking milkshakes cold and long. smiling and waving and looking so fine, don't think you knew you were in this song."
five years - david bowie
this morning i had a dream. i was fishing at a beach and my zen micro fell into the water and got fucked. then i woke up (late) and went to school. on the way there, i realised that my zen micro was really fucked. the headphone jack was loose. rozales' had the same problem too.
i'm gonna encourage people to buy bloody ipods instead. they're 15 gigs bigger and not much more expensive. and at least they don't have loose headphone jacks. but i would still think that zen micros are better if they didn't get fucked so easily. they are smaller and a whole lot nicer.
i know that i can change them but there's no guarantee that it won't get fucked again. besides, i would have to transfer all 843 songs to my computer and then transfer them back again. and what am i gonna do when the warranty runs out?
fuck them creative fuckers.
i watched the afi hard rock concert video today. it only served to further prove how godly afi is. i seriously need to see them live.
AFI = GODLY
it is national day
"mother knows, it's the life you choose, you choose, you choose, and it tears her apart."
saturday - go betty go
i went into the istana on sunday. there was an open house and we were bored. they had metal detectors and x-ray bag-scanners, like an airport. as my bag came out through the x-ray machine, the guy asked "whoose bag inside got scissors?" there was another girl in front of me and we both shook our heads. and i realised i had a pair in my pencil case, which was in my bag. i didn't tell him because i thought he would forget about it. after all, what harm can i do?
but i was wrong, and he put the bags though another round of x-raying. his superb skillz told him that there was indeed a pair of scissors, which i then took out and pretended like i didn't know about it(which is half true).
i had to surrender it at the counter and get it back when i left. we began walking in, and after about 50 metres, realised that the damn road is fucking long and the sun was fucking hot. and there was nothing to do in there anyway. so we turned around and left.
my istana adventure, lasting only 10 minutes.
how in the world he managed to tell that it was a pair of scissors remains a mystery. lets hope they have skillful people like that working all around the world. beside the scissors is my new favourite toy, which was in my bag that day too. lucky he didn't think that it was a bomb.
the fucking fighter planes just flew by my house. i heard that they were using faster and newer planes this year. fuckers didn't realise that faster and newer planes means more fucking noise for us innocent citizens. and these faster and newer planes fly so fucking low, because if they fly at normal height, no one can see that they are faster and newer and then think the government cheat our money.
one thing i hate about national day is that all the damn channels only show the damn parade. ALL of them. nevermind that it is one fucking stupid and boring parade. so poor me has no tv to watch. i went to one way back in 1995 with my father. from then on, i decided that i fucking hate that shit. basically because its boring, boring and really boring. nothing much.
i've always wondered why people bother standing for hours to get some tickets to a bore-fest. maybe the lure of a fucking goody-pack is really mighty.
my mother always watches the parade on tv. i think she loves this country.
story of a walk
"look how pretty she is, when she falls down."
bleeding mascara - atreyu
sunday 7th august
0800 - wake up
0830 - go meet people to study damn stats
0900 to 1400 - 'study'
1500 - go to orchard
1500 to 1830 - walk around and around
1840 - go to bukit batok
1845 - recieve sms about watching soccer match
1920 - reach bukit batok
1925 - board same bus in opposite direction
2020 - meet anus and rozales at doby ghaut mrt station, as well as some other random cunts
2025 - realised that we are watching it in some bar
2025 to 2200 - bum around
2200 - match starts
2200 to 2400 - watch match and hear retard sitting beside me shouting "go man u," in the chelsea motherfuckers against arsenal match; found out that some kind of beer doesn't suck as much ass; cringed as the chelsea motherfuckers won; made worse by a dogba double; at least arsenal sucks
2400 - start walking to takashimaya to take night rider home with anus and rozales
0015 - arrive and find out that there is no night rider on sundays
0016 - made the life-changing decision to walk home
0016 and 30 seconds - start walking from orchard to choa chu kang
0016 and 30 seconds to 0455 - walk walk walk, and then walk some more; decided to go by holland road; rozales and anus realised why i said that holland road is never-ending; rozales sprinted down the hill at ngee ann poly to go shell and take a shit
0455 - get home; anus and rozales continue walking towards their destination
0500 - bathe and find out that my thigh is full of rashes after being abraded by my jeans
0515 - sleep
0830 - wake up to go study some more; decide to sleep
0900 - wake up and go meet people to study
1000 to 1500 - realise that i cannot learn anything because my brain only had 4 hours' sleep
1530 to 1630 - attempt to sleep in library
1630 - continue to study
1730 - test starts; thought i did alright; but realised i thought i did alright for all my tests and sucked ass at most of them
lesson learnt - sleep well before tests; 5-hour-long walks the night before are not advisable
matic
"so suck your so called pity down. hey, that's not so bad, is it?"
checkmarks - the academy is...
a long time ago, i got stressed over an exam. for some reason yet unknown, i got into a mini-depression after the exams were over. that was in secondary 3. so i decided never to get stressed again. being depressed isin't exactly appealing.
now i believe that all problems will solve themselves in due time. i only ever try to fix those that are really important or easily fixable. maybe i have attained nirvana. life feels easy.
sometimes i see people getting stressed over problems, thereby increasing their magnitude. i think a person chooses the amount of stress a problem would bring to them. and because of this, all problems are small problems.
a top student failing an exam and a stupid student failing an exam is basically the same problem. but the top student would probably get more stressed over it. it's all self-inflicted misery. just think of things differently and everything would be fine.
soma
"soma is what they would take when hard times opened their eyes."
soma - the strokes
that song is from a book. brave new world by aldous huxley. which i just finished reading. i think it sucks. it does have some interesting bits though. i hated it partly because the book smelt bad. stupid library books. one of the reasons i do not like to borrow books from libraries.
soma is a drug people take to make themselves feel happy. everyone takes it so everyone is happy. the book thinks that it is wrong because there would not be any happiness without the contrast of sadness.
today i was going to school and it was raining beautifully. i felt that the only weather there should be is rainy. then i realised i actually need to skate some times. i was worried that no one would know that i thought the rain was beautiful if i suddenly died for some reason.
then i realised that no one would know many many things about me if i died. and i thought it would be wise to write a will in case i die. at least someone would know.
scam me some and random retardation
"bless me dark father i have sinned, i've done it before and i'll do it again. cos it keeps me warm and makes you smile, been beneath me all the while."
hell yes - alkaline trio
i just recieved another scam mail.
Attention
You have been contacted by us (CITI BANK UK) as regards asisting in the
transfer out from our bank the said funds of 18million British Pounds ,
that
has been unclaimed , as we found out that the owner of the funds was a
victim of the Bomb Blast here in Uk .
If you hence forth reply this email indicating your interest ,you would
be
disbursed 20% of the funds
Noting that trusworthyness and confidentiality matters in this
transaction
Waiting for your urgent reply to the bank branch manager on :
****starstar@gmail.com
people died and they are scamming me. fuckers. i don't intend on playing with these people though. deborah was more fun. seriously though, they should consider typing with better paragraphing and punctuation and such. it's hard to believe the autenticity with such shitty english. and it's supposed to be from damn CITI bank.
there's a retarded girl in my class. i've suspected that she's retarded since the first time i met her. now my suspisions are confirmed. in fact, there's a whole bunch of retards in my class. not including me, of course.
anyway, some random cunts have been making fun of another random cunt in class. what i cannot understand is that people of my age are supposed to be mentally sound, in such a way that they do not find fun in talking thrash about someone else. i thought we are at least old enough to realise that it IS fucking wrong to be doing such things.
such things were supposed to be reserved for primary school. we are 17 now. brainful people. 17-year-olds don't point at others and shriek like retarded fools. we don't call people hookers behind their backs. it's wrong. i wonder why they can't seem to get that point.
maybe it's because they are retarded. actually, they ARE retarded. i wonder when would they realise this and stop.
we're
"you took me hostage and made your demands, i couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one."
this could be love - alkaline trio
"don't be gay lah." that's probably the worst thing to say when you want to get someone to do something they don't want to. kinda like some sort of stupid assed reverse psychology shit where he believes the challengee would be afraid of being called gay and so give in.
like "don't be gay lah, just go a while only." any challengee with half a working brain would then want to prove a point that they don't care about being gay by being exceedingly stubborn and refusing all further offers.
this would then screw things up for both parties all because the challenger was too dumb to realise that people have more brains than normally given credit for.
- written monday night, 20th june, 10.40pm, and consequently forgotten until now.
