daisy
lyrics
sometimes when you find that nothing seems to work, you gotta allow yourself to be reborn. it'll be alright.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
lyrics
sometimes when you find that nothing seems to work, you gotta allow yourself to be reborn. it'll be alright.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
million dollars
"well theoretically speaking we could be in love right now. but the problem is, i don't believe in love."
silence.
"ok i lied. the problem is you."
silence.
"ok i lied. the problem is you."
free time
i have about 15 minutes before soccer starts so here's a little something to pass the time.
on love:
love is only love when it's in the steady state, when both parties have recovered their equilibrium from the initial euphoria. 1 year, maybe 2.
of course people feel that they're in love at the beginning, but that's just the chemicals messing with their heads. they're crazy, not in love.
sometimes i feel rather uncomfortable when couples use the word love, because more often than not, getting together is just the beginning of the end.
maybe it's because when love comes so easily, it'll leave just as easily too.
on love:
love is only love when it's in the steady state, when both parties have recovered their equilibrium from the initial euphoria. 1 year, maybe 2.
of course people feel that they're in love at the beginning, but that's just the chemicals messing with their heads. they're crazy, not in love.
sometimes i feel rather uncomfortable when couples use the word love, because more often than not, getting together is just the beginning of the end.
maybe it's because when love comes so easily, it'll leave just as easily too.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
legend
he glimpses a future society where infection is normal and he, neville, is a murderous biological deviant. as he turns away and swallows the pills, neville grasps the reversal that has taken place and that just as vampires were legend in pre-infection times now he, an obsolete exemplar of old humanity, is legend in the eyes of the new race born of the infection. the sheer ridiculousness of it all causes neville to chuckle as he dies, his last thoughts being "[i am] a new superstition entering the unassailable fortress of forever. i am legend."
- wiki
sorry if i spoilt it for you, but i am going to buy the book even though i've read it all on wiki.
- wiki
sorry if i spoilt it for you, but i am going to buy the book even though i've read it all on wiki.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
it's time
it's almost exactly 2 weeks to my exams (4 papers in 3 days) and i think very soon i'm gonna have to start learning stuff from wiki again.
some of my courses require us to exhibit wider knowledge of the subject, none of which is imparted to us by our lecturers. so where else is better than wiki?
it gives a good enough overview without me having to delve too deep into unfamiliar waters. i don't want to know everything, i just need to know up to the limit where i'm not busting my brains.
i've been studying very selectively too, and only at times when the feeling comes. otherwise i just find myself reading and re-reading the same sentence over and over.
i see some of my friends putting in a full day's shift, 7 days a week plus OT, and i admire their determination, but i know i wouldn't be able to learn anything that way.
just hope everyone comes out fine. i don't think i've faced such a great threat of failure since... sec 4 amaths.
some of my courses require us to exhibit wider knowledge of the subject, none of which is imparted to us by our lecturers. so where else is better than wiki?
it gives a good enough overview without me having to delve too deep into unfamiliar waters. i don't want to know everything, i just need to know up to the limit where i'm not busting my brains.
i've been studying very selectively too, and only at times when the feeling comes. otherwise i just find myself reading and re-reading the same sentence over and over.
i see some of my friends putting in a full day's shift, 7 days a week plus OT, and i admire their determination, but i know i wouldn't be able to learn anything that way.
just hope everyone comes out fine. i don't think i've faced such a great threat of failure since... sec 4 amaths.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
an examination playlist (everything will be alright)
1. foals - two steps, twice
2. ladytron - destroy everything you touch
9. yeah yeah yeahs - heads will roll
3. kanye west - stronger
4. crystal castles - celestica
6. joy division - she's lost control
5. warpaint - composure
8. kevin drew - fucked up kid
7. yeasayer - madder red
10. love me butch - hollywood holiday
11. arcade fire - wake up
i haven't tried it yet.
edit: i tried it and it didn't really work. new arrangement.
2. ladytron - destroy everything you touch
9. yeah yeah yeahs - heads will roll
3. kanye west - stronger
4. crystal castles - celestica
6. joy division - she's lost control
5. warpaint - composure
8. kevin drew - fucked up kid
7. yeasayer - madder red
10. love me butch - hollywood holiday
11. arcade fire - wake up
i haven't tried it yet.
edit: i tried it and it didn't really work. new arrangement.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
excerpt
"HEYYY!" the voice snapped him out of his thoughts. he had spotted her through the crowd and was having a heated internal debate on whether he should approach her, but she saw him and saved him from having to make a decision. he was struck by her apparent nonchalance over the issue, as compared with what had gone through his mind earlier. it was almost as if he didn't matter.
"hiii," he said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as he could muster, as she leaned in for a hug. it was awkward. this girl whom he once knew so well, she now felt strange and foreign in his embrace. "how have you been?" she asked, and continued talking while her voice trailed off in his head, lost in the flood of his own thoughts. he had not planned on seeing her again for the rest of his life, or at least as much as he could avoid it, since the day he said goodbye for the last time.
in the 3 years that passed, his stance had softened considerably, the ebb of time washing away his hatred, blurring the details, and as much as he hated to admit it, left behind mostly happy memories. at times, he questioned himself. could he have done better? was he to blame for the breakdown? sometimes during idle moments or when he passed one of the places they used to hang out, he'd even wonder how things would be now had they stayed together.
"yea, yea, i've been good..." he found himself saying. he didn't realise it but for some time now, she had been holding his arm, perhaps trying too soon to return to the familiarity they once shared. quite suddenly and painfully, he noticed her hand holding him. he didn't like it, this strange girl holding him like that. he looked at her face and into her eyes and couldn't decide if she'd really changed that much or had his memory of her fade so badly?
remember only the good things, he nearly smiled to himself, as though he found vindication to his arguments. she looked much uglier than he ever remembered. who is this girl? and if something as basic as what she looked like he had trouble recalling, he couldn't imagine how terribly warped the rest of his memories of her could be. "sorry but i have to go now," he said. "i'm running late." he didn't even bid her farewell because goodbye was 3 years ago.
"hiii," he said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as he could muster, as she leaned in for a hug. it was awkward. this girl whom he once knew so well, she now felt strange and foreign in his embrace. "how have you been?" she asked, and continued talking while her voice trailed off in his head, lost in the flood of his own thoughts. he had not planned on seeing her again for the rest of his life, or at least as much as he could avoid it, since the day he said goodbye for the last time.
in the 3 years that passed, his stance had softened considerably, the ebb of time washing away his hatred, blurring the details, and as much as he hated to admit it, left behind mostly happy memories. at times, he questioned himself. could he have done better? was he to blame for the breakdown? sometimes during idle moments or when he passed one of the places they used to hang out, he'd even wonder how things would be now had they stayed together.
"yea, yea, i've been good..." he found himself saying. he didn't realise it but for some time now, she had been holding his arm, perhaps trying too soon to return to the familiarity they once shared. quite suddenly and painfully, he noticed her hand holding him. he didn't like it, this strange girl holding him like that. he looked at her face and into her eyes and couldn't decide if she'd really changed that much or had his memory of her fade so badly?
remember only the good things, he nearly smiled to himself, as though he found vindication to his arguments. she looked much uglier than he ever remembered. who is this girl? and if something as basic as what she looked like he had trouble recalling, he couldn't imagine how terribly warped the rest of his memories of her could be. "sorry but i have to go now," he said. "i'm running late." he didn't even bid her farewell because goodbye was 3 years ago.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
man vs cat
a few days ago i noticed the cat had a little patch of fur missing from his chest, and the skin was a little red. then it got worse and the skin was kinda scabby so my brother brought him to the vet yesterday.
i think steve irwin had lesser difficulty in wrangling crocodiles than we had with trying to get the cat into the basket. that little fucker was twisting and turning and struggling like we were gonna cook him.
when they came back, the cat went slinking about the place, obviously had the shit scared outta him at the vet. my brother said the cat just sat on the table quietly and allowed the vet to examine him. definitely was scared shitless there.
at night, we had to feed him some medicine through a syringe, and it was yet another steve irwin moment. we decided the best way to subdue him was for my to wrap him in a blacket while my sister fed him the medicine.
good idea in theory, but in practice it was a different story which gave me more respect for steve irwin (RIP) and other animal-guys.
wrapping him in the blanket prevented the use of his claws and limbs, but it turned him into a sort of gigantic fat worm that wriggled and struggled, twisted and turned, hissed and meowed, and was one hell of a struggle trying to contain.
in the end he lashed out with the only weapon he had left - his teeth - and bit my hand. we figured that the task at hand was way too dangerous and gave up soon after. we'd probably have more success wrangling a crocodile than this damn cat.
i think steve irwin had lesser difficulty in wrangling crocodiles than we had with trying to get the cat into the basket. that little fucker was twisting and turning and struggling like we were gonna cook him.
when they came back, the cat went slinking about the place, obviously had the shit scared outta him at the vet. my brother said the cat just sat on the table quietly and allowed the vet to examine him. definitely was scared shitless there.
at night, we had to feed him some medicine through a syringe, and it was yet another steve irwin moment. we decided the best way to subdue him was for my to wrap him in a blacket while my sister fed him the medicine.
good idea in theory, but in practice it was a different story which gave me more respect for steve irwin (RIP) and other animal-guys.
wrapping him in the blanket prevented the use of his claws and limbs, but it turned him into a sort of gigantic fat worm that wriggled and struggled, twisted and turned, hissed and meowed, and was one hell of a struggle trying to contain.
in the end he lashed out with the only weapon he had left - his teeth - and bit my hand. we figured that the task at hand was way too dangerous and gave up soon after. we'd probably have more success wrangling a crocodile than this damn cat.
endlessly
"oh no, my feelings are more important than yours
oh drop dead, i don't care
i won't worry"
razorblade - the strokes
i was listening to this song earlier today, and it made me think...
when people fall in love, it's always with the best intentions, with the "i'll do anything as long as you're happy" mentality. a part of it is because they think that their partner is perfect.
they always seem to be perfect, the one who will complete your miserable soul. well, most people think that way. maybe some narcissistic fuck will think that they're the perfect one, but whatever works for them...
besides, no one will fall in love if they think their partner is not perfect. why would they settle for less? anyway at this point it is unlikely that they'll spot any deficiencies. so yes, perfection.
when faced with this perfection, they feel insignificant. they will give up anything because they are nothing compared with that shining light of pure awesomeness over there.
the good thing here is that their partner probably thinks the same of them, thus the relationship now has 2 of the most perfect people in the world ever. everything will work out at this point of time.
then comes the one fateful moment when they first realise that hey, i guess i fell in love with a human rather than a god/goddess. it could be anything that triggered this reaction, because if you'd realise, everything about them weren't perfect to begin with.
so what do they do now? nothing much actually. just try to paper over the cracks when they get spotted (all the time), while getting more and more frustrated as time goes by.
first they get angry with their partner. why aren't you perfect, dammit! then they get angry with themselves. why was i so blind, dammit!
they start thinking why are they giving in all the time and getting so little in return? why are they always the one giving a damn, why won't their partner consider their feelings? emotional times here.
the sad thing here is that their partner probably thinks the same of them again, thus the relationship now has 2 of the most fucked up people in the world ever. nothing will work out at this point of time.
the final thing that will determine their fate is how long they will allow this to carry on.
oh drop dead, i don't care
i won't worry"
razorblade - the strokes
i was listening to this song earlier today, and it made me think...
when people fall in love, it's always with the best intentions, with the "i'll do anything as long as you're happy" mentality. a part of it is because they think that their partner is perfect.
they always seem to be perfect, the one who will complete your miserable soul. well, most people think that way. maybe some narcissistic fuck will think that they're the perfect one, but whatever works for them...
besides, no one will fall in love if they think their partner is not perfect. why would they settle for less? anyway at this point it is unlikely that they'll spot any deficiencies. so yes, perfection.
when faced with this perfection, they feel insignificant. they will give up anything because they are nothing compared with that shining light of pure awesomeness over there.
the good thing here is that their partner probably thinks the same of them, thus the relationship now has 2 of the most perfect people in the world ever. everything will work out at this point of time.
then comes the one fateful moment when they first realise that hey, i guess i fell in love with a human rather than a god/goddess. it could be anything that triggered this reaction, because if you'd realise, everything about them weren't perfect to begin with.
so what do they do now? nothing much actually. just try to paper over the cracks when they get spotted (all the time), while getting more and more frustrated as time goes by.
first they get angry with their partner. why aren't you perfect, dammit! then they get angry with themselves. why was i so blind, dammit!
they start thinking why are they giving in all the time and getting so little in return? why are they always the one giving a damn, why won't their partner consider their feelings? emotional times here.
the sad thing here is that their partner probably thinks the same of them again, thus the relationship now has 2 of the most fucked up people in the world ever. nothing will work out at this point of time.
the final thing that will determine their fate is how long they will allow this to carry on.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
lol sry bro
during his holidays my brother is more or less a big lazy bum, playing on his computer through the night and sleeping till late in the afternoon. this holidays though, something was different.
he would play on his computer through the night, sleep a few (very few) hours, wake up and go out, coming back only at night. what a strange and drastic change in behaviour!
it took me a little while to notice this change, and a little while more before i figured he had gotten himself a girly-friend of some sort (not a guy, i hoped and prayed).
ah, the heady days of blossoming romance. i too had experienced a time where i could sustain on 2 hours of sleep for the sake of this, so i guess it runs in the blood.
then earlier in the week, he shocked the whole family by bringing her home. record-breaking event! first girly-friend ever to come into my house, under the status of a girly-friend.
i didn't see her, but my sister said she's "very short," gesturing to her shoulder-level. my mother said my maid, who is about as tall as my sister's shoulder-level, also told her that the girl is "very short," gesturing to her own shoulder-level too.
which makes her kinda like a... midget?
he would play on his computer through the night, sleep a few (very few) hours, wake up and go out, coming back only at night. what a strange and drastic change in behaviour!
it took me a little while to notice this change, and a little while more before i figured he had gotten himself a girly-friend of some sort (not a guy, i hoped and prayed).
ah, the heady days of blossoming romance. i too had experienced a time where i could sustain on 2 hours of sleep for the sake of this, so i guess it runs in the blood.
then earlier in the week, he shocked the whole family by bringing her home. record-breaking event! first girly-friend ever to come into my house, under the status of a girly-friend.
i didn't see her, but my sister said she's "very short," gesturing to her shoulder-level. my mother said my maid, who is about as tall as my sister's shoulder-level, also told her that the girl is "very short," gesturing to her own shoulder-level too.
which makes her kinda like a... midget?
no sar-vivor shit
i used to enjoy watching survivor back in the day, something like 10 years ago to think of it. a little check on wiki tells me that i stopped watching after the 8th season in 2004.
survivor was great fun. scantily clad women, bitching, backstabbing, everything from the best to the worst of human behaviour.
season 8 was the all-star season, and i think i stopped because there was really nothing else to see after ALL STARS, right? what could be better?
some months back, i happened to chance upon the first episode of the new season of survivor. wtf? it's still around? amazing! i saw boston rob was in it again. he was the biggest villain in season 8, but he brought a girl he liked with him to the final 2 and married her after the show.
another check on wiki told me that it's the 22nd! season of survivor. amazing! i sat through the episode and my long lost love for survivor was quickly brought back, possibly boosted by the 4 sexy girls in this season.
although it's already episode 9 now, you can still watch it on youtube, and you should, because it could be the funniest and most entertaining season yet. (and the girls...)
survivor was great fun. scantily clad women, bitching, backstabbing, everything from the best to the worst of human behaviour.
season 8 was the all-star season, and i think i stopped because there was really nothing else to see after ALL STARS, right? what could be better?
some months back, i happened to chance upon the first episode of the new season of survivor. wtf? it's still around? amazing! i saw boston rob was in it again. he was the biggest villain in season 8, but he brought a girl he liked with him to the final 2 and married her after the show.
another check on wiki told me that it's the 22nd! season of survivor. amazing! i sat through the episode and my long lost love for survivor was quickly brought back, possibly boosted by the 4 sexy girls in this season.
although it's already episode 9 now, you can still watch it on youtube, and you should, because it could be the funniest and most entertaining season yet. (and the girls...)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
for all the wrong things
"you have enemies? good! that means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
i've seen this quote floating about the net for quite some time now. what do i think of it? let me share with you a little story.
i was watching a reality tv show some months back, and there was this contestant, a young man. fun-loving, devil-may-care attitude. the thing is, having fun was the only thing he cared about.
often on the show, he would play silly pranks on the other contestants in the house and piss them off. they went from liking his attitude to hating his guts.
no one was even interested in his pranks anymore. he was just doing it for his own amusement.
one day, one of the guys spoke to him and asked if he would just tone it down a little. some fun is ok, but not when everyone's getting mad, right?
no, he disagreed. "i ain't gonna change for anyone," he said. 'love me or hate me, this is who i am."
so what do i think? let's just say hitler had a lot of enemies too. i don't see many people praising him for it.
i've seen this quote floating about the net for quite some time now. what do i think of it? let me share with you a little story.
i was watching a reality tv show some months back, and there was this contestant, a young man. fun-loving, devil-may-care attitude. the thing is, having fun was the only thing he cared about.
often on the show, he would play silly pranks on the other contestants in the house and piss them off. they went from liking his attitude to hating his guts.
no one was even interested in his pranks anymore. he was just doing it for his own amusement.
one day, one of the guys spoke to him and asked if he would just tone it down a little. some fun is ok, but not when everyone's getting mad, right?
no, he disagreed. "i ain't gonna change for anyone," he said. 'love me or hate me, this is who i am."
so what do i think? let's just say hitler had a lot of enemies too. i don't see many people praising him for it.
Monday, April 11, 2011
i'm alive
"january febuary march april may, i'm alive
june july august september october, i'm alive
november december, yeah all through the winter
i'm alive"
calendar girl - stars
a week or so back, i was chilling at home when i realised it was april fools that night (just past 12am). so i wondered if i should come up with some april fools joke since it's been some years since i've done one.
"april fools... april fools..." something felt very strange about that. then it came to me: OH FUCK IT'S APRIL ALREADY?
i feel like i haven't done anything this year except stay at home 90% of the time and try to study, and not very successful at that.
january february march april may. the months seem to speed by but the days are long, the hours longer.
june july august september october, i'm alive
november december, yeah all through the winter
i'm alive"
calendar girl - stars
a week or so back, i was chilling at home when i realised it was april fools that night (just past 12am). so i wondered if i should come up with some april fools joke since it's been some years since i've done one.
"april fools... april fools..." something felt very strange about that. then it came to me: OH FUCK IT'S APRIL ALREADY?
i feel like i haven't done anything this year except stay at home 90% of the time and try to study, and not very successful at that.
january february march april may. the months seem to speed by but the days are long, the hours longer.
Monday, April 04, 2011
man vs wild
my cat has been here for almost 5 years now, and was only a few months old when it came. after being around humans and ZERO cats for this long, it is quite interesting, yet often overlooked as to how its behaviour came to be more cat-like rather than human-like.
is it really through instinct alone that makes it behave like a cat? if so, how much of our humanity is instinctive, and how much is through nurture? how correct would it be to say that it's the instinctive side, the things that are just there inside each and every one of us, that is truly human?
i think it's through this understanding that'll allow us to know what we really are, what's real and what's just an imprint of society.
feral children are known to take the traits of the animals that cared for them, but is that because of their human-like ability to learn and imitate? following that, is my cat still cat-like because of its inability to learn? are humans merely empty vessels that will be filled by whatever that comes our way?
does this mean that it is truly a human quality to take to the traits of our society, such that whatever which comes of it is 'real'? i wonder how much of society is imprinted upon us to the point that we believe it IS a part of our being.
even something such as the concept of love, everyone accepts it as just being there in us, but we seldom question why. if it were really a part of us, then it should be ever-present, in every culture and every society. i don't know if it is, but i'm not discounting the chance that there could be a culture out there where love doesn't exist.
if that's possible, then where does it leave our love? for something that almost everyone place such great importance in, it may well be just... not real.
is it really through instinct alone that makes it behave like a cat? if so, how much of our humanity is instinctive, and how much is through nurture? how correct would it be to say that it's the instinctive side, the things that are just there inside each and every one of us, that is truly human?
i think it's through this understanding that'll allow us to know what we really are, what's real and what's just an imprint of society.
feral children are known to take the traits of the animals that cared for them, but is that because of their human-like ability to learn and imitate? following that, is my cat still cat-like because of its inability to learn? are humans merely empty vessels that will be filled by whatever that comes our way?
does this mean that it is truly a human quality to take to the traits of our society, such that whatever which comes of it is 'real'? i wonder how much of society is imprinted upon us to the point that we believe it IS a part of our being.
even something such as the concept of love, everyone accepts it as just being there in us, but we seldom question why. if it were really a part of us, then it should be ever-present, in every culture and every society. i don't know if it is, but i'm not discounting the chance that there could be a culture out there where love doesn't exist.
if that's possible, then where does it leave our love? for something that almost everyone place such great importance in, it may well be just... not real.