voyeur

i found this on the floor in a pub. it was a folded up piece of notebook paper. i put it in my pocket because i was too inebriated to read. italics are what i think he's writing.

front
bathe in another man's grave and time will follow. Our father who art in heaven, save me from the wreck I'm about to drown in.

Our father who art in heaven, save me from the wreck I'm about to drown in, didnt i learn ANYTHING?

back
ananias, i think there's something wrong with the teleport operator. It has more impas without the commas or the purple butterflies. do you ever wish you could stand on the rings of saturn? or be the opposite of saturnine, and sit with Luke and mariko and drink wine and smoke cigarettes. where did colors come from and who would we be without them? And If you could go into someone's room and pour salt on their wounds, who would It be? do you think you are normal? what is the definition of normal? who would you be without vocabulary? If there was no such thing as individuality, would you live to see it?

my god, life ends soon and I'm not ready for it. fancy seeing you here. AllO! Qu'est qu'il ya? comment t'apelletu? Why do you do what you do? What is your color? would you have to invent a new one, or mix invented ones together? how are guns useful? bears brains, we spit into them, you hurt pots? fuck that. will you keep this forever? Avec rotve francais accent. cafe a' demain, s'il te plait, next valentines day i'll fuck you in the ass, bitch i'll kill you in more ways than one. I'll stay up more nights in a row than my body allows because my body is as good as dead. Ambien and vodka frees you forever. today I'm going to go and find france. what are you doing?

wishful thinking

"because what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is."
lua - bright eyes

i dunno why, but there is something about the nighttime that makes me do stupid things. of course it doesn't feel that stupid in the night; it feels almost natural, like i should have done it ages ago.

and then i wake up in the morning and go "WTF did i do?" perhaps it was too rash, too stupid. perhaps i thought too highly of myself, gave myself too much credit. perhaps i'm a superhero at night, that's why i felt so bloody invincible.

sometimes this feeling of invincibility is alcohol-induced.

anyone else is a superhero at night? we can join forces.

oh, fate

"I think fate is like floating through a field of black holes. The black holes are the people you fall in love with. Sometimes you can see them coming, because you’ll see their event horizon ominously blotting out the bright stars behind them. Or perhaps you’ll feel the gradual pull as you get close. Or perhaps you just won’t see it before it’s too late. They are hard to spot, after all.

But you can control fate at this point, to some extent at least. Go this way, that way, avoid one, head for another – whatever you like.

But once you’re inside a horizon, its singularity is in your future. There is no device in the universe which can set you free. If you’re lucky, you’ll love it all the way down, though you’re torn apart, exposed, fucked and helpless to prevent yourself moving in any direction but in. And once you arrive – at the singularity, her soul – let’s hope she notices you there. Or else your broken body will feel quite alone.

You’ll have no control over that fate."

- loveisacunt.com


if this is true, then i'll be stuck in this black [ass]hole for a long long time to come.

the washing is the highlight

i decided my hair was getting long and my mother decided to take me to her hairdresser.

so i was sitting quietly in the chair when a woman came from behind and said "i'm gonna wash your hair now."

it was my first time at a hairdresser (yes, i'm a noob), so all i could think of was 'WTF?'

i quickly smsed my mother, must wash hair? i thought i could refuse.

yes, she replied. but by that time, the woman had already slapped a bunch of shampoo onto my head and was quite engrossed in rubbing it around.

i must say, it definitely felt bloody weird, having a strange woman wash my hair and giving me shampoo-y massages on my temple and behind my ears.

and then came the rinsing, which was the worst part because i didn't know where to look, at her face or at the ceiling, or if i should close my eyes, which felt hella weird too.

it wasn't comfortable at all. i don't like to have strange people touch me. unless they're hot and female and it involves my genitals.

then the hairdresser came and cut my hair and it was all over. i look weird now.

the past was great fun

“nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness.”
- andre gide

i saw the quote on the www and i have no idea who that andre guy is.

i don't particularly agree with the quote, since it seems to suggest that past happiness should be forgotten. i think that the past should never be forgotten, much less the happy moments.

however there's no point in thinking about it all the time. just know that it's there but don't pretend it didn't happen.

people often say they want to forget bad experiences and move on. i think a person can only move on when he accepts, rather than forgets the past, or else it would only come back to kick you in the ass when you least expect.

anyway if we could forget every bad experience, we would only remember about a quarter of our lives. the remaining three-quarters are forgotten bad memories. that's just sad.

perfection is an illusion

"i cannot stay here, i cannot leave
just like all i loved, i'm make believe.
imagined heart, i disappear
it seems no one will appear here and make me real."
this time imperfect - afi

last semester, i had a bad start.

today, i woke up at 8:50 for a 9am lecture. i then went back to sleep till 2 in the afternoon.

during this 5 hour sleep, i had a dream in which a girl and i were in love, but i didn't know her.

maybe somewhere in the universe, this strange girl dreamt of being in love with a strange guy too.

cheers to all the great things that passed and all the great things to come.

oh school, i miss you so

"and all i had was the memory of what was,
so let's pretend it never mattered to us.
i hope this message finds you well,
i never thought i'd live to tell."
pens and needles - hawthorne heights

when this holiday started, i thought i would be doing some of the following
1. skate
2. exercise
3. work
4. driving lessons
5. hot dates with hot girls
6. go overseas
7. get drunk
8. bum

now i'm staring at the end of the holiday, and i've only accomplished bits of #1 & #2 and got drunk once. the one thing i've been successful at was bumming a whole damn lot.

i suck so badly.

obviously the most disappointing would be #5.

watching the fantasies decay

so the 3 of us have been lurking around the freshmen orientation camp, pissing random people off because we're supposed to be leaders of some sort and are obviously not fulfilling our duties. we don't even know anyone in our orientation group.

we got harrassed by no less than 3 different people, all of whom we do not know, but they know us because we're so popular. i do wonder why i attended the orientation, given my obvious disdain for such events. i think i was bored.

interesting events:

1. i hate overly-enthusiastic people. i wish to perform euthanasia on them. there are always a couple of them in every orientation group and you can spot them from a mile away, with their too-loud cheers and exaggerated actions.

there were 2 in my group. i wanted to slap them, but i didn't because i'm kind towards animals. one of them cunts scolded a bunch of girl-leaders who were hanging around the back of the room just like me, instead of doing cheers and playing dumbfuck games. i was waiting for cunt to scold me too so that i could destroy him. unfortunately he didn't.

i've thought about it for a long time, but i am still unable to pinpoint what exactly is it about these creatures that pisses me off. maybe they're just like that hyper-active dog that refuses to shut-the-fuck-up and stop prancing around. maybe they're just too attention-seeking and 'oh look at me! i'm so funny!'

actually they're just a bunch of cunts.

2. we were watching the pageant today to crown the business and accountancy king and queen! we readily agreed that the contestants didn't possess much beauty nor brains, sadly.

i know it's not their fault that they were selected, but at least make the most of it and not give stupid answers to the questions segment like

"what would you say to the president if you get the chance to meet him?"

Stupid Boy: "ask him to gimme more money."

i refuse to believe that a 17-year-old Business Studies student lacks the intelligence to figure out the missing logic behind that 'answer' he just gave, or that he actually gave such an answer.

but he did, that's why he's called Stupid Boy.

so you DO come here

"you said these thoughts would fade away
but knowing this, waiting takes so long"
seven months - letter kills

this could well be the weirdest, sickest game i've been in. hiding and pretending we don't care, when the truth is just the opposite. it makes me sad.

it's really not our fault that things got too weird, too sick. so who do i blame?

2004

i was reading some of my old posts and i realised i was so funny back then.

i'm not funny anymore.

"and all this came after mr. osama bin laden conviniently sent out a video threatening to blow up a few more buildings just days before the elections. this caused stupid americans to believe that bush was superman in disguise and could protect them from their greatest enemy, whereas kerry the peace-loving hippie can do nothing to help them."
- november 4

"then again, there are people who genuinely suffer from severe brain damage resulting from oxygen deficiency due to being stuck inside their mothers' womb for too long while she was in labour because they didn't like the bright light that was shining into the hole and funny noises coming from out there going "PUSH! PUSH!". this causes them to like taiwanese gaybands like f4, 5566 and energy. other side effects include TyPiNg LiKe ThIs. poor little things."
- november 5

at least there were girls to look at

"i only dream of you and you never knew."
sing for absolution - muse
i gotta find a way to stop you falling into my mind.
visit to the temple early on a sunday morning. the adults' idea of friendly banter involves trying to find out who has the worst children, as though they would win a prize if their kids suck.

whose kids are too lazy to work? - me.
whose kids work 3 days and use the remaining 4 days to spend their salary? - my cousin.
whose kids work full time because he's hardworking? - my other cousin.
even as far as whose kids has the most pimples? - my brother.

needless to say, my mother ranks quite high in the 'my kids suck' league. maybe she's proud.

or just an illusion

"why are you so far away?" she said, "why won't you ever know, that i'm in love with you?" that i'm in love with you (i've got secret message too!)
just like heaven - the cure

maybe 2008

this was my hand on the 6th of april last year. i still have that nail in a box in my drawer.

i wonder how long it would have gotten if it didn't break.

i realised that i'm still quite a bit excited with what my life will bring, after thinking of all the (good) shit that happened since a year ago.

it's just that i don't so much look forward to tomorrows, but rather prefer to look back after a few months and think "wow, that was fun!"

i guess things are always more fun in retrospection.

bb, bee

one didn't know what to say, the other didn't want to say anything. both were fucked.

it was a damn shitty ending, but at least it's not hanging around like a fucking irritating itch at the back of your head.

=)

i had six too many drinks last night

top 5 songs at the moment

1. your ex-lover is dead - stars
2. how about enough - a vacant affair
3. new slang - the shins
4. i don't love you - my chemical romance
5. i only listen to four songs