the sun conspires to kill me

each day i get more and more irritated by the heat. there is really no escape from it in this little island.

every time i want to go out, i look out of the window and immediately feel like changing my mind.

most of the time i'll be brave and step out. within 5 minutes i'll be sweating and praying that the bus would come quickly so the aircon can save me.

i've been sitting at the computer for some time now, and the wind is blowing in through the window beside me. great, except that the wind is hot and it's making me sweat.

i turned on the fan but it's blowing directly against the hot hot wind and the wind is winning the battle. i can't even feel the fan's breeze.

this is really pissing me off and it's building up day by day. i need to escape.

beauty

i don't know what is this BUT I WANT IT NOW.

your history is mine

"has nobody told you when you look away
the stories they told you still run through your veins."
cries in vain - bullet for my valentine

i like to share my stories with people who i care about. such stories are part of my history and they're the things that made me. in telling these stories, i'm giving a piece of myself to them, to better understand who i am.

and maybe, hopefully, the stories will affect them just as they did to me in the past when i first experienced it. perhaps this would be a way through which my memory is kept alive, long after i'm gone.

physical objects may be discarded or kept hidden away in boxes, but these stories will remain with them, leaving an indelible mark on all whom i've been fortunate enough to share my life with.

especially the first one

it seems that there have been quite a number of photo blogs around these days, or maybe they've been around for a long time but i haven't found out because i've been living under a rock.

anyway what's great about them is that almost all of them love to carry photos of naked (or almost naked) girls, classic bikes/cafe racers, vintage cars, a teeny bit of fashion, architecture, interior design and random nice photos. it's great because these are the things i love too.

perhaps the only gripe is that they all get too similar after a while, but i don't know why am i complaining since they're showing the things which i like.

yimmy's yayo
one man's style
them thangs
endless me
johan + francoise

issues

this chinese new year's discussions have been mostly centered around my brother's long hair, when am i finishing ns, and where am i going to be studying after this.

my brother's hair is about shoulder length. they were all saying he looks like a girl, and then they said that my hair was like that too. firstly, my hair was never ever close to that length, because it always got too ugly to keep, and secondly, my brother's hair actually looks normal, while mine was seriously god-dammed ugly but i just couldn't see it back then.

i'm finishing ns on 9th may 2010. the end is near...

what am i going to be studying? i still have no idea. everyone says i should study something i'm interested in, but anything +study = not interesting. i'm interested in studying nothing at all. i was just looking through the SIM programmes, praying that there'll be something available that i would be vaguely interested in. nothing.

but i'll still end up studying somewhere, because i have to, and i'm not against the idea of going to school anyway. going to school is great, i can go out with my friends and meet hot chicks etc.

the weather was nice

last sunday i'd probably have witnessed a guy being hacked to death if i decided to take a walk rather than go home and watch soccer.

i really wonder what i'd have done. it's easy to say, but not when you're right there and your life and death is just a flash of a blade away.

a day late

i haven't changed the 'about me' section on the right in years. right now it should go:

ryan is 21 and gay. he was from bpps and then sji and then np. he is currently rotting life away in ns. he likes listening to music as well as fondling his balls.

as you can see, not much has changed over the years. i won't edit it because i will forever 18 here.

we

every night when i go to bed, there is probably someone doing the same just 2 metres above me, and another person 2 metres below me.

we spend our entire lives in such proximity and yet we know nothing about one another.

so close yet so alone.