316

"ten year-old enemy soldier, our falling bombs are her shooting stars."
iou - metric

it is 3.16 am and i am supposed to be sleeping. i am currently wondering why in the world am i not doing the previously mentioned activity. finding activities to do while suffering from sleeping disorders is kinda hard. when i am feeling normal, the internet would be full of fun and wholesome activities for me to enjoy. but when i cannot sleep, the internet becomes a wasteland of dumb and dumberer things.

weird thing is, i somehow managed to stay awake for hours in this boredom.

i somehow forgotten to post this and it is now 3.58 am. congratulate me.


zen micro is playing
blue carolina - alkaline trio

collection

"draw diagrams of suicide on each other's wrists, then trace them with razorblades."
jet black new year - thursday

grand list of cds i own:

AFI
- answer this and stay fashionable
- very proud of ya
- shut your mouth and open your eyes
- black sails in the sunset
- the art of drowning
- sing the sorrow

Beatles
- yellow submarine

Godsmack
- faceless

Modest Mouse
- this is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about
- lonesome crowded west
- the moon and antartica
- good news for people who love bad news

The Cure
- boys don't cry
- disintegration

The Strokes
- is this it
- room on fire


grand list of cds i want to buy:

Alkaline Trio
- good mourning

Bright Eyes
- fevers and mirrors
- i'm wide awake it's morning

Coheed & Cambria
- the second stage turbine blade
- in keeping the secrets of silent earth: 3

From First To Last
- dear diary, my teen angst has a bodycount

Jets To Brazil
- orange rhyming dictionary

My Chemical Romance
- i brought you my bullets, you brought me your love

Sugarcult
- start static
- palm trees and power lines

Thursday
- full collaspe
- war all the time


i wish my mother owned a music store. or my father. or anyone related to me.

ima slacker

"i see the world in a swirl of hues, but my favorite colour is shame."
gatsbys american dream - theatre

i've made the life-changing decision to skip all lectures for eternity. the holidays made me realise how much fun it is not to be sitting in a lecture hall attempting/not bothering to listen to lecturers trying to teach something. so far, i've learnt a grand total of zero things from lectures. that's how useful they are.

i used to skip only the REALLY useless ones and imagine that i'm learning something from those i do attend. i'm not gonna lie to myself anymore (actually i'm just lazy). yeah, life is gonna be so much better.


zen micro is playing
gatsbys american dream - theatre

i am suck

"the sedatives tell you everything is alright."
jet black new year - thursday

the much dreaded common tests are over. they weren't as bad as i've expected. probably because there was only econs which i had to really attempt to study for. 3 tests, 1 open-book, 1 too dumb for me to bother.

i think i didn't do too badly. i hope. but being able to 'not do too badly' with what little information i had is kinda unsettling. because i either actually didn't do alright, or i really managed to do alright.

in the first case, i'm fucked. in the second, i feel kinda guilty to be able to do 'alright' while slacking my balls off all the time. people like my mother would probably think that her son is actually so fucking hardworking when i am obviously not.

i feel bad when people give me praise which i do not deserve. although my mother doesn't praise me.

reminds me of back when i got my o'level results. my aunt thought that i did well, and said that i was smart and good and godly. i felt bad because 19 obviously sucks balls. even if 19 was good, i felt i didn't deserve it because i put VERY minimal effort in my studies.

interesting

heh, it has been a hectic week in the singapore blogging community. spg decided to strip at the blogger conference and press her tits against malaysia's very own kenny sia, who is attached. and someone took some pictures. i guess rozales was right about malaysians being dumb.

then xiaxue got hacked, and all her posts got deleted. boohoo. maybe she would finally shut up now.

and then, there's me.


some people (bloggers) have the strange ability to make everything seem interesting. even the most inane incident like a piece of shit in a toilet bowl can be blown up into an interesting post. unfortunately i can't do that. i lack the skillz. my life is so boring that even the greatest of shit-blowers can't make it appear interesting.

and then i wonder, do these shit-blowers really find that lump of turd interesting or are they simply making it sound interesting? i mean, it's a fucking lump of shit. how interesting can that be? and yet they manage to do it.

i think there's a certain tint of hypocricy in making things sound interesting, even though it's the most retarded incident to ever befall you. forcing yourself to warp stupid incidents into something 'interesting' just so people will continue typing your blog address into their address bar every day. by the way, mine's www.gayfag.blogspot.com.

i dunno, maybe they really find turds in toilet bowls interesting.

[by the way, the 'shit in toilet bowl' thing is totally fictional. no one that i know of was bored/desperate enough to write something like that. or maybe someone really did...]


go listen to
paper rock scissors - back to trinidad

yayy

1:30pm - told myself that i would start studying for my damn econs test at 2.
3:24pm - blogging about wanting to start studying at 2 and not doing it.

heh. i really think i should start. especially after the shock i got during the statistics test yesterday. i thought i knew enough shit about statistics. aparrently i was wrong. luckily it's a damn open book test. econs isin't open book. great.


zen micro is playing
the ghost of you - my chemical romance

diediedie

"i've been looking so long at these pictures of you, that i almost believe that they're real."
pictures of you - the cure

i wonder what's wrong, are people becoming more retarded or is the world getting more fucked? i somehow believe that they are both related. the general retardation of earth's population is causing it to get more fucked. some alien would probably think that us earthlings should be getting more intelligent and less barbaric with the never-ending technological advancements and such. too bad aliens don't know better.


every other spazzy teen is suicidal nowadays. random cunts going on about how their lives suck and how they wanna die. depression is in fashion, it seems. actually i don't refute their claims that their lives suck. in fact, i kinda agree. god didn't make us equal. the spazzy teen may really have a fucked life.

depending on how you look at things, everyone's lives are fucked. after all, we are working and working only to die and lose everything one day. how fucked is that?

anyway, they hate their lives and want to die. it's either a desperate attempt to seek attention or they simply want to die. i believe in either case, they should just go ahead and die.

i think if a person is really serious about suicide, no one should try to stop them. they want to die because their lives suck. you cannot guarantee that their lives WILL get better someday. what if they decide to live on and then realise that nothing's changed when they're 50? their lives still suck as bad, only they managed to go through another 30-odd years of suckyness.

i don't think you would want to be held responsible for that. you don't know if their lives are gonna stop sucking. so while you try to find out, let them die. it's their lives and their responsibility.

if i find out that my life is going to be shit when i'm old, i'll die now. no point in wasting time living a shitty life.

so kids, the moral of the story is,
if your friends want to die, let them die. you cant be sure that their lives are going to be better.


anyway, this is not a post to encourage all spazzy cunts to go kill themselves. i'm just saying that people should not stop others from killing themselves. suicide is a personal issue.

done

"yeah we might die from medication but we sure killed all the pain."
lua - bright eyes

last night, i sent blank sms-es to 3 people and deleted all the notes in my calendar. interestingly large amount of damage done by an unlocked phone in my pocket. normally it just gets into wap and burn some cents into my phone bill.

i still only lock the keypad occasionally.


one week of study break gone. i still haven't started studying. who fucking studies in the study break anyway?

i'm normal.


zen micro is playing
the modern age - the strokes


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


holy shit.
i just realised that this shit ass blog is ONE-FUCKING-YEAR-OLD!
happy birthday.
365 days of blogging and i'm still the same old retarded self.
i feel i've lost some great deal of the imagination i once had.
i've lost my skillz.
this blog should die.
really.

2 gays in a foreign land

"standing on a beach with a gun in my hand. staring at the sea, staring at the sand. staring down the barrel at the arab on the ground. see his open mouth, but i hear no sound."
killing an arab - the cure

this is a story of 3 gay cunts. the first gay cunt is 10-years-old. she shall be known as gaykid. the second gay cunt is gay. he shall be known as simplygay. the third gay cunt is the writer of www.gayfag.blogspot.com. he shall be known as gayfag.

one day, gaykid was stuck in batam with nothing to do. so simplygay and gayfag decided to go visit her. they faced countless difficulties but still managed to get on a ferry and ship themselves over. gaykid met them at the ferry terminal with an suv. gayfag had serious confidence problems with gaykid's driving skills, since she is after all only 10.

fortunately for the 3 gay cunts, gaykid had enough driving skillz avoid getting killed in a crash. so for the rest of the day, gaykid drove the 2 other gaycunts around batam in search of cheap clothes, good food, transvestites, more food and pirated cds.

simplygay and gayfag even tried their hands at driving, and were seemingly successful, although simplygay had some close shaves in the process.

simplygay and gayfag hopped on a late ferry and got back to the comfort and non-transvestite-infested lands of singapore. gayfag was questioned by taxi driver on the way home if he was there to look for girls. taxi driver thought gayfag was not singaporean, old, and had a family.

gayfag thinks taxi driver is blind and stupid. taxi driver told gayfag about his 78-year-old friend who has a 40-year-old second-wife in batam who recently concieved a baby. gayfag is struggling to figure out how this is related to himself.

« the end »


zen micro is playing
killing an arab - the cure

damn

"f-i-r-e-i-n-c-a-i-r-o."
fire in cairo - the cure

i'm on a week's study break now. the sick stench of tests are wafting towards me. wave after wave of nauseating fumes are suffocating, ripping the breath from my lungs. it gets worse whenever someone messages me and get shocked when i tell them i haven't started studying yet, while they have completed whichever chapters.

this break sucks, much unlike the 6-month-long one. there was no pressure back then. i could do whatever i wanted. mostly just bum around. now, there's the common test to look forward to. i can't bum in peace, knowing that I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING. even now, as i type sentence upon sentence of meaningless nonsense, i am reminded of that dreaded phrase, haunting me like a gay song stuck in my head.


bought 3 cds yesterday.
the strokes - is this it
the cure - disintegration, boys don't cry

now i'm kinda broke. i shall extend my congratulations to gramaphone and hmv for being able to burn some money off me. congratulations.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


life sucks. especially if you have friends like this.


hi ******. we all know that you're gay.
[name and face censored at request (i'm such a nice guy)]

dreams

"i can remember, dreamt them so vividly, soft creatures draped in white, light kisses gracing me. i can remember, when i first realised, dreams were the only place to see them."
the great disappointment - afi

i think the song is about him believing in god but the only place where god has appeared was in his dreams, and so he got more and more disappointed and decided to give up on religion altogether.

which is why dreams suck. i hate dreaming. basically dreams can be classified into good, bad or neutral. and i hate all of them. why? because they always seem so real, until the point where i wake up and realised i've been cheated by my own brain yet again.

if it's a good dream, i get happy. and then i wake up and see that it's still the same shit. i've been happy for nothing. the money i won is not around. i can't fuck the hot girl again. my sister is still alive.

if it's bad dream, i get sad for nothing. even though i wake up and realise that the shit is fortunately unreal, i still suffer from the trauma of the bad things that happened in my dream. needless suffering brought by my over-active brain.

and if it's a neutral dream, then it's even a bigger waste of time. i hate neutral dreams because it's all pointless and stupid. i'd rather spend my sleeping time actually sleeping than dreaming of meaningless shit like going to a supermarket or anything like that.

in a nutshell, i hate dreams because they're not real and yet always seem so real. i hate to be cheated.


yesterday, i met my first sadistic motherfucker.

"hey lizard."
*kicks lizard*
"look, it's paralysed."
*walks toward lizard*
"huh? you're not paralysed?"
*kick*
"huh?!"
*kick*
*stomp*
(we walk away at this point)
"so did you kill it?"
"dunno. i think it was paralysed in pain."

i don't think i'm suitable to judge him. after all, i put salt on slugs.

empty

"whenever i'm alone with you, you make me feel like i am free again. whenever i'm alone with you, you make me feel like i am clean again."
lovesong - the cure

it seems that my mind has been really blank recently. no interesting thoughts, no sick thoughts, nothing. not that i'm brain-dead or anything, but most things i think about now involves school and/or work. totally un-interesting and inane.

sometimes something interesting comes up, and i think "hmmm, fuck that," and forget about it. i think i'm trying to clear my brain. hopefully it won't remain clear for too long. maybe i need another long holiday.


i was looking around trying to find out what's my body mass index. i found this.

they were teaching people how to measure their height.
"stand with your head, buttocks, and feet touching a vertical wall. if this is not possible due to large amounts of body fat, simply stand erect, with hands relaxed at your sides."

by the way, my bmi is a measly 16.3. i'm trying to get FAT now.

10

the 10 most played songs according to my zen micro

1. haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh - bright eyes
2. my eyes burn - matchbook romance
3. i'm not okay (i promise) - my chemical romance
4. pretty girl (the way) - sugarcult
5. cross out the eyes - thursday
6. the calendar hung itself - bright eyes
7. cute without the e - taking back sunday
8. saying goodbye - sugarcult
9. a winter's tale - afi
10. jet black new year - thursday

this is not meant to carry any hidden/secret/special/spastic meanings.

i was just too bored. go download all those songs if you wish. you probably should.


zen micro is playing
early sunsets over monroeville - my chemical romance

full of shit

i finished reading angels & demons yesterday and have come to the conclusion that it sucks. it is a fictional book filled with real places, organisations, historical happenings and lots of useless but interesting trivia. and it's fictional. so i was constantly wondering if the seemingly nonsensical things he was writing about were real or not. and somewhere in the middle of the book, i decided to treat everything as fictional.

and the book still sucked. it appears that the author was too engrossed in making his book interesting and suspense-filled to the point where everything got out of hand and turned retarded. having 20,000 twists in a story isin't exactly ingenious. he trys to make readers feel in suspense but he sucks too much to make it work.

an example of why the book is full of shit -
"nonetheless, more out of paralysis than hope, he clenched in his hands the sole object he had grabbed from the chopper on his way out the door. it was an odd momento, but it was one that for a fleeting instant had given him hope. the windshield tarp had been lying in the back of the helicopter... langdon had grabbed it, slid his hands through the loops, held on, and leapt out into the void. his last act of youthful defiance."
page 506 - angels & demons

he just happened to grap a piece of cloth which then happened to be strong enough to save his life. who the hell doesn't agree how bullshitty this is? maybe it would have worked in a brainless action movie. but this book was supposed to have some depth other than the great list of historical happenings and other assorted bullshit.

maybe i was expecting too much. i'd rather read harry potter. the new book is coming out soon.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------


in other news, a russian woman is suing nasa because they launched a projectile at a comet to try find out more about its past.

in moscow, meanwhile, a russian astrologist said she was filing a lawsuit against nasa on the grounds that the bombardment of tempel 1 would both upset her horoscope and violate her spiritual rights.

marina bai said she was demanding 8.7 billion rubles (302 million dollars) compensation from nasa via the agency's representative office in russia.

wah

my msn nick for tonight was 'i wish i had bigger breasts' and anus decided to message me. he thought i was serious about it. as i've said in a post a long long time ago, i don't mean half the things i say online. cos the internet isin't real. i dunno. maybe that's just what i think.

weird

on a sunday afternoon not too long ago, i was hungry. so i decided to eat some maggi noodles. then i turned on the tv, and there was a movie on. it was called moonwalker, starring michael jackson. it was about a robotic himself which could turn into cars, spaceships and such to rescue children form evil motherfuckers. basically it was bullshit.

everytime i watch such futuristic sci-fi bullshit movies, i get nauseated. this is 20,000 times worse because michael jackson was in it. as he magically transformed into a giant spaceship and shot all the evil motherfuckers to death, i was not-so-happily eating my noodles. then i got more and more nauseated to the point when i dumped the noodles and watched channel 8 instead.

thanks to that movie, i am now disgusted by maggi noodles. my mother got my maid to cook some just now, and i couldn't make myself even lick one strand of it.

sometimes i wonder why i'm so weird. i dont intend to watch a.i. this weekend as well, because it contains the same futuristic sci-fi bullshit. the only difference is that there's no michael jackson turning into spaceships.

by the way, i didn't switch channels earlier because my brother and cousin were happily watching him busting baddie ass.


wimbledon women's finals is on now. tragically, sharapova is out. whats worse is that one of the gorilla-like williams won her and is on tv now. the interesting thing is, the gorilla's nipples stick out during the match too. i'd rather watch sharapova (not because of her tight ass and nipples sticking out) because she is a better player.


go listen to
whatever happened? - the strokes

800

is the number of words i have to type or my essay on occupations and perceptions. and i've come to the painful realisation that blogging and writing an essay are miles apart. now that i can't write crap, i can't fucking write anything. i'm so great. blogging is destroying my ability to write. the irony of dying on your birthday.

this 'project' has to be submitted by 11am tomorrow. it's 1.59am now. i've got 409 words and running out of ideas. not writing crap is hard.


zen micro is playing
hells bells - ac/dc