granny

when i was young, my maid's friends (other maids) would call my house everyday to chat with her because you know, fillipinos always have a shit load of things to talk about.

my late grandmother hated this and if she happened to pick up the call, she wouldn't allow my maid to speak to her friends because she would yak on and on.

sometimes her friends would try to fuck around with my grandmother too, calling again immediately after she hung up just to piss her off. she would then start spewing all sorts of vulgarities at them.

there was once when i was in primary 2, i think i didn't do my homework or something and my teacher brought me to the staff room to contact my family.

obviously i didn't want her to tell my parents, and besides it was in the morning and only my grandmother and maid were home so i don't know what she wanted to do anyway.

she asked me to call my home, so i did and when my grandmother picked up, i just said hello hello hello hello hello until she got pissed and hung up, thinking it was probably one of my maid's friends again.

my teacher thought i was playing a fool so she made me call again and took the phone. judging by the look on her face, my grandmother probably let loose a nice string of vulgarities at her when she picked up the phone again. my teacher didn't even get to utter a word.

after that she just let me go back to class without any further fuss.

so where do we go

people often ask me if i feel bored just doing "nothing" for so long.

i don't feel bored because in my freedom, each day is unpredictable and has the potential for interesting things to occur, the potential to be special. it is because i have nothing to do that allows me to do ANYTHING i want. if i was so inclined, i could wake up with "nothing" to do and finish the day in another continent.

on the other hand, if i were to be working, i would be occupied everyday but each day i already know what is going to happen. wake up, go to work... repeat. the only bit of excitement could only possibly occur in the short timeframe between ending work and going to bed. there is no element of spontaneity, nothing to look forward to. that would truly be boring.

it's kind of how i felt back in ns. yes, the days were packed with activities, but none of them were particularly interesting or worth looking forward to. each morning when i woke up i already knew with perfect certainty that absolutely nothing would happen that day, and that was a really terrible thing to wake up to.

i need that feeling of unpredictability in my life. without it, it is easy for the weeks and months to meld into one big dull mess and before you know it, it's the end of days.

the end should be a good one

i'm gonna see them tonight. this was the song that got me into them back in 2005 or 2006. the thing that really hooked me was that there was male and female parts to the song and the lyrics were quite moving as well, about one more night together at the end of a relationship.

last night i was thinking, i would totally be spazzing out in excitement if this happened back then.

now the feeling's no longer as strong. it's still gonna be a good experience though.

el todo

"el amor es fragil sin dolor
(love is fragile without pain)
el amor es falso sin dolor
(love is false without pain)"

sweet

i have to go all the way back to late 2004/early 2005 for the last time when i had such a big crush on a complete stranger.

crush? i never thought i would still be using that word at this age.

i have written extensively of the random girls i've fallen in love with for a moment or two, but only in these two instances have the feelings lasted for so long.

what the hell? am i 16 again? next thing i know i'll start developing breasts.