please be nice

hello, my name is ryan. i am a nice boy. i always try to be polite when people are irritating or rude to me. i make myself believe that it is not their fault, that they are not being irritating and rude on purpose.

i do not confront them because they might not be aware that what they are doing is wrong. maybe their parents have taught them to be irritating and rude from a young age. they are just doing what comes naturally, i cannot blame them for that.

however, i feel extremely hypocritical. this is because i pretend to be polite when in fact, i wish to do unspeakable evils to them. this hypocrisy has caused me much mental discomfort, because i am unable to be truthful to myself.

another thing is that i do not understand is how people can be so consistently irritating and rude? why can't they all be nice and polite like me? have their parents really taught them to behave like that? or perhaps their parents failed to educate them in proper manners and behaviour.

so my dear friends, please be nice to me, because i am a nice and polite boy and i do not wish to be disrespected. i also do not wish to disrespect you by confronting you about your lack of manners and brains in general.

leg pain

yesterday i ran up the stairs to my house again, 1 minute and 55 seconds.

next time i'm drinking

i had a class bbq yesterday, and by the end of the night, i was still very much sober. it was some sort of new experience, since i'm usually one of the spazzing drunkards.

and i must say, it's not easy being un-drunk. i had to be a good responsible classmate and try to stop the rest of them from falling onto glass tables and such related fun activities.

and looking at them, i have come to realise how funny i must appear to be when i'm drunk.

me: "are you ok?"

classmate: "YAAAA i'm fine..."
classmate then drops to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

but it was really one of the most exciting bbq/drinking sessions i've been to.

i saw it

last saturday evening i was on the bus and i happened to look out of the window. i was overawed by the sight. the sun was setting and the red glow reflected off some clouds and it looked like the sky was on fire, especially since the background was filled with dark rain clouds.

and i wondered, at that moment how many people had noticed this absolutely beautiful sight. i looked around the bus and no one seemed to know. i looked out the bus at pedestrians and no one seemed to know as well.

then i got onto the train, and continued looking at the sky on fire. no one seemed to notice again. and then, barely 10 minutes later, the sun had set and the clouds dissipated.

i thought what a waste it was, that such an amazing sight was seen by so few. such things should be seen by everyone, and then we can all bask in its beauty. it also made me think about how transient and fleeting things are. one moment of beauty that lasted all of 10 minutes, and then it's gone forever.

what's important is that i got to experience it.

i keep forgetting to add titles

i've spent well over 5 hours doing the compilations for my survey, and it's not fun at all.

and i've gotta say Thank You to all you nice people who did the survey for me and not just put 11111111.

anyway i went to get my hair cut and i looked like a bengZ after that, very fun. maybe a sexy lianZ will fall for me and we'll get married and live happily ever after.

but i'm afraid

"and time still drags you forward although you keep resisting,
because you know it is what you leave behind you will soon start missing."
a new arrangement - bright eyes

i can't find a reason to wake up, but i still do because i'm afraid i'll die if i continue sleeping.

not like death's a bad thing. or is it?

"cause it's been seven long full months,
since i could ask you about your day
and know that i would be the first to hear you say.

you say that i'm in love
would that bring too much?
you said these thoughts would fade away,
but knowing this
waiting takes so long."
seven months - letter kills

edit, i did

i have been told a post i did a few days ago was too scrambled to be understood, so i edited it. after all, what's the point of posting something that no one understands? hopefully it's clearer now. hopefully.

the rise of the emo

i bought 2 pairs of boxing gloves yesterday and so have spent the night inflicting and getting pain inflicted upon myself by my cousin and brother. it's fun, really.

anyway my puberty has ceased. the pimples are gone, but the deep voice remains. and erm unfortunately i haven't grown any breasts nor pubes.

i also need to strike 4D soon so that i can spend with wild abandon before the great singapore sale ends, mostly on cds since hmv is having their 10th anniversary sale and gramaphone's going 20% off.

and an excerpt from one of the most funny conversations i've experienced.
"is it a characteristic of the emo, that they don't like to talk? because when i talk to them, they just look at the floor. i think "are you stupid or what?""
- old malay shop keeper at peninsula shopping centre

OUCH

the cure, august 1, $180.
funeral for a friend, spetember 8, $75.
total $255.
i am going. who wants to go?

for better or worse

"oscar wilde, who has never been wrong, famously said, “the first duty in life is to assume a pose.” the point is to be conscious of the artifice you’re building." - source

as we grow, it is only normal that we go through changes, most prominently in our personalities and identities. we change to fit in, to be special, to get girls. whatever, it doesn't matter. the important thing is being self-aware and know what is going on with yourself.

'assume a pose.' we all do that, the only difference is in the severity in which we change, and if these changes are beneficial. sometimes the changes that we decide to undergo can become too drastic in a bad way, and this will be detrimental to both ourselves and the people around us.

you just have to be smart and notice the changes going on, and the effects of these changes. know why you are changing, and know when to stop if the changes prove to be absolute shit.

what you should not do is be ignorant. don't pretend to be too cool to notice if your new pose is causing problems. don't pretend to be too cool to try to change, ironically.

so change all you want, but please do so with your eyes wide open. always be aware of the motivations behind your actions.

seriously though

i'm currently undergoing a second puberty. my voice is getting deep and husky and sexy, and pimples are making an unexpected re-appearance on my face.

oh my, maybe soon i'll even have pubes!

hopefully this time round it'll be more exciting, since my first one was rather bland, to say the least.

i didn't have an angsty phase. i didn't have sex when i was 14. i didn't scream and shout at my parents. i didn't skip school to go smoke and hang out with delinquents.

i didn't do any of those exciting stuff and now's my second chance. i shall grab it with both hands and start humping it.

ouch

the free-standing tickets to the cure costs $180. which is great, really.

and now it's june?!

so more than a month ago, there were some movies i said i wanted to watch.

the only one that has eluded me is blades of glory. the rest, i have conquered.

the best one obviously was priceless, i swear it's not just because of audrey tautou.

and the worst, pirates of the caribbean. i'm just too much of a normal person to be able to comprehend pirate-talk, so i was lost in all the double-double-double-crossings and random going-ons.

i realised there's no title [13 june]

i like to look at squashed animal carcasses, the type that have been run over by countless cars, flattened into an unrecognisable sheet of stuff-that-was-once-an-animal.

in fact, i've looked at so many squashed animals that i can tell what they once were. i can recognise the unrecognisable (cos i'm pro). i've seen birds, rats, lizards, fishes (wtf?), snakes, and possibly some others i can't quite recall now.

i thought i've seen it all. then on saturday, i witnessed something i've never seen before. it was kinda like a flat, oval thing, the size of my palm, lying on a grass patch.

i knew it was an animal (cos i'm pro), but i couldn't figure out what animal.

then i remembered, i saw a terrapin crawling around the staircase landing a few days ago. someone must have stepped onto the poor fucker and squashed him into oblivion. or maybe a car ran over it, since the road was just a few meters away.

quite a few people saw the terrapin, but no one wanted to do anything, including me. actually even if we wanted to help, how the heck should we go about doing so? put it in a box, maybe, or carry it and go around knocking on doors, asking "did your terrapin escape?"

my inactivity resulted in the death of an innocent terrapin.

RIP, innocent wandering terrapin.

hangover

so after all that anberlin excitement (oh yes, it was exciting), i've been feeling extremely vacant this past week. there's just nothing to do (doing projects don't count), or the things to do just aren't as exciting as anberlin.

so you know, it kinda sucks. and it sucks more that i have to wait until august before i can experience my next foreseeable exciting event when the cure comes. and then funeral for a friend in september.

guess i'll have to wait for this hangover to pass, and then i can live normally again.

in the meantime i shall listen to more anberlin. funny thing is, i wasn't into them at all before this. i just didn't wanna miss it and regret, like i did when muse came. and i'm VERY glad that i went.

THE CURE

WEDNESDAY 1ST AUGUST
SINGAPORE INDOOR STADIUM
SINGAPORE
ONSTAGE 20:00
(FOR AS LONG AS WE WANT?!!)

TICKETS: On sale 9am June 13th
Sistic - Hotline + 65 6488 5555
www.sistic.com.sg

- thecure.com

i can't wait wait wait wait.

invisibles are spoiling my day

my stomach feels like it's being squeezed like a stress ball by an invisible (and huge) hand. so i'm in pain, wondering if i should curl up and die or try to counter the squeezing by punching my stomach.

ouch, there it goes again. stupid cunty invisible hand.

i had a great plan of completing my 10 page report through the night, but this invisible hand obviously has other ideas for me.

there's also another invisible hand that's scratching my throat and it makes me cough. it also hurts like heaven when i swallow.

oh damn you, invisible hands! maybe it's a good time to start some violent payback.

perhaps a kind-hearted invisible hand would type out my report for me? i shall leave my laptop on and go to sleep.

ignore the last paragraph

the problem with me is that once i listen to any band or artiste and i think they're good, i'll have an intense urge to get my hands on all of their albums somehow.

right now the urge is on of montreal, the new pornographers, the shins and bright eyes (since forever).

actually that's not really The Problem. The Problem is that i always have trouble in buying them, either because they're not on sale here or they're too damn expensive (hmv).

so then i'll be very sad, although it's probably a good thing because i would have spent literally thousands of dollars if they were available.

i also tend to buy cds and not listen to them much, so they're pretty much just display items on my shelf. big bad waste of money, i know.

of course, i can obtain them through other means (NOT downloading, eeehehehehehe), but it's just not the same as owning the cd, you know? for one, i can't fondle mp3 files like i can do to cds.

i think the smell of cds make me horny. i'd probably fuck all my cds if my dick was small enough to fit through the hole.

it was great fun

3 gigs in 3 days. saturday invasion, largely for love me butch. sunday anberlin and copeland. monday anberlin and copeland acoustic. that would be $80, thank you sir.

the one i enjoyed most was today's acoustic set.

in other news, i ran up the stairs while returning home from school today. 21 floors in 2 minutes and 21 seconds. for no reason in particular.