where do we go

my exams ended on 30 june and since then i haven't done much at all. the first month or so was fine, but as with all holidays, i started going to bed later and later into the night and thus waking up later and later in the day, and also sleeping for longer hours. sleep went from 4am-10am to now 6am-3pm.

the days now seem to zoom by so quickly and this probably means that it's time i should start doing something or making some changes.

i've thought of going out on a trip but if i were to travel alone, the places i would visit would tend to be more on the 'adventurous' side, like trekking through the mountains or whatever.

i'd be happy to travel, as long as i have a clean place to shit and i get to wash up at the end of the day. the problem with these 'adventurous' places is that such things don't really exist. shit in a hole and go 3 days without a shower?

i did that in the army and instead of making me tougher, it just made me not ever want to go through it again. once is enough.

so what should i do? exam results will be out on 17 august and the i have reservist at the end of august. we shall see...

fragile

some time back i read this cracked article about riding a motorcycle and i found it was mostly bullshit except for #4.

#4 is true. especially when i first started riding, sometimes i would notice the road rushing past me, then i think holy shit, it's just air separating me from the road. the painful, bloody road.

after 3 years of riding it doesn't affect me that much anymore, but i still feel it. a fall at 35kmph is enough to kill, and that's slower than what usain bolt runs in the 100m. flesh and bone won't stand a chance at expressway speeds.

but i feel that it really reminds me that i, as a human, am just a weak creature. so fragile in my existence against the power of the world. you need to feel the power to understand your weakness.

other occasions when i have felt this power was in the sea and in the moshpit. the sea is just water right? until i feel the waves hit me or the current drags me and then i realise that this water can destroy me so effortlessly.

and in the moshpit, when i feel the crowd surge or maybe sometimes when i'm unfortunately being trampled, it makes me understand how people can die in stampedes. against a crowd, you're powerless, and to think it's only made up of other weak humans.

slow fade

sometimes i feel like i'm forgetting bits and pieces of my past, the events and emotions that brought me to who i am today.

is the past really that important? or is it sufficient for me to be an entity of the present, knowing what shaped me is now gone, but at the same time remains in me even though i might not remember?

i once read that each time we recall something that happened in the past, we remember it slightly differently and this new memory will replace the old one. so i guess we're all made up of false memories, and in that vein, forgetting these bits of my past shouldn't really matter.

z-z

the euros are over and i didn't even manage to watch a single match in full.

i had to stream the matches online and most of the time i got bored and went to surf the net instead, only switching back when i hear the commentators getting excited.

other times the streams were shit and i got too annoyed to continue.

from the semi-finals onwards, i found out that they were available free on tv so i got comfortable in front of the tv and... fell asleep. 3 times.

anyway from what i saw, nothing from this euros really impressed me. no stand-out players, no exciting teams, the most interesting moment was probably when balotelli took off his shirt and got photoshopped a million times online.

and i suppose the one good thing was that spain stopped their annoying 100% possession football.