the truth will set you free

the blog was closed because the girl had committed suicide. i cried when i saw her pictures on a news article at work today.

why? that's all that came into my mind. i thought i'd never get to see the world through her eyes, but i never knew that she wouldn't even be around to see the world.

why? i didn't know what to do, so for the first time in ages, i prayed. i prayed for her, that she would be in a good place, that she would not have to be in torment forever.

why? i prayed that my prayers would work, because i know that she deserves so much.

i really hope she's fine. please be.

another one bites the dust

i like to read blogs, those of strangers especially. gives me a little glimpse into a life that i will never know, and through their eyes i see the world.

some blogs i've read for years, quietly in the background. i never ever comment, for i am just an observer, and i do not want my words to taint the purity of this.

i read about their lives for so long that i feel as though i almost know them, but of course i am more than aware that this is just a side of them that they chose to show.

(although now that i think of it, that's just how life works. you choose which part of you to show to others, and which parts to keep secret. no one will ever know you in your entirety.)

thus it always pains me when i visit my favourite blogs and find out that they've been removed. it's like now there's one less part of the world for me to see, for i can no longer see through their eyes.

but nothing beats having a blog password-locked, or 'friends only.' ARGH. it's so painful because i know that it's still there, i know that i could still potentially see it, but i can't.

today, another one of my favourite blogs have died. friends only.

read your damn book

perhaps the weirdest of all is one who observes the weirdos.

the library is the perfect place to see weirdos in all shapes and sizes. the silence allows you to notice each individual in all of their glorious weirdness, and it makes them stand out so painfully obvious.

in a place where one is expected to be quiet, those that create noises are just screaming LOOK AT ME! i'm weird! i can't control myself! i know they probably don't mean it, but that's why they're weird.

take this indian man beside me for example. he's sitting there reading a book, probably an engineering book because i see figures of sound waves and stuff. an intelligent man, i suppose. an indian national, perhaps.

the thing about him is that he keeps making these smacking and slurping noises with his mouth, and drums on his book like everyone around is dead. strange spasming guy, and the noises are pissing me off.

and then of course there're socially retarded people like this bloody china girl with a bloody irritating ringtone talking on her phone like it's the fucking market.

hello? yes everyone can hear you fucking bitch. and the great thing is that she refuses to turn off her ringtone despite it going off several times. answering her phone, maybe i can understand, although it is absolutely not necessary nor acceptable to fucking CHAT on her phone.

if i could kill her i would. seriously.

written yesterday, edited today.

and of course i realise that i've described 2 foreigners, but that's not to say that locals aren't weird. in fact, i've seen some that are so weird that i don't even know how to put their behaviour down in words.

into the gates

i was riding home on the expressway this evening, the sun was out shining behind me, and straight ahead, the entire sky was covered in black clouds. black.

it felt like i was riding into hell, with lightning streaking across the black skies, while the rays from the sun still warmed my skin and lit the road around me.

it was really an amazing and awesome sight, and i wished i could take a photo of the whole spectacle, but it would probably really cause me to ride into hell.

once i rode under the cloud cover, everything turned dark in an instant and the winds started howling. i was in hell's gates, and the winds pushed me left and right in the crazy traffic.

such cool experiences makes it almost a good thing to be riding in such crazy weather.

so much for being kind

a little while ago, the cat came slinking into the room, all wet from a bath. apparently my maid didn't dry her up.

aw, how pitiful, i thought, as i looked at her, shivering slightly and looking so skinny with her matted fur.

so i picked her up, went over to the dressing table, and turned on the hair dryer.

as soon as it started blowing, the cat immediately freaked out and twisted, scrambled, jumped, ran the fuck away.

wisdom -20

yesterday i went to have my 2 remaining wisdom teeth removed. i was feeling rather nervy about it because it involves 2 things that disgust me: injections and cutting.

it didn't help that i've done it before last year, because the first time just allowed me to experience just how disgusting and disturbing it's gonna be. the first time i went i wasn't bothered at all, since i didn't have the benefit of such 'knowledge.'

and so before i knew it, i was lying on the dentists' chair, awaiting my fate. "i'm gonna put some cream to numb your gums," the dentist said. she did, and barely a minute later, she came with the injection needle. it was fucking long.

fuck, i thought. couldn't she wait longer for the numbness to set in? i could see the needle because i wriggled till the cover over my eyes went askew (self-inflicted misery). previously the dentist only jabbed me 3 times, so i prepared myself.

aaargggh the needle went deep into my gums. fucccking long neeeedle. normal injections don't hurt, they just disgust me. this one hurt and disgusted me. awesome. and then she jabbed me again and again. 3 times, i thought it was over.

then she did it again and again and again... at least 10 shots, fuck me. my head was shivering. she was done and we waited for the anesthetic to set in. wait wait wait, before long, she popped out again. that's so soon! i could still feel!

"are you numb yet?" she asked. "erm, not really." "ok, see if you can feel this." and SHE FUCKING JABBED ME AGAIN, just for kicks. i felt it, fyi. and then before i knew it, she was drilling in my mouth. this means that i didn't feel her cutting me, which means that she freaking cut me when i thought it was another jab.

she started to push HARD against my tooth. i was seriously damn worried that whatever tool she was using would slip and rip my mouth open, so i kept turning my head to reduce the pressure.

now everything is fine and i just hope it doesn't swell up as bad as it did. maybe female hands are gentler thus lesser trauma. hopefully.

pack rat

many guys are pack rats by nature, preferring to hoard their stuff rather than dump them. "you never know when you'll need it, it'll be useful one day" they say.

it's gotta do with a man's usefulness about the house. being able to seemingly magically pull out items to fix problems is one thing that every man wants to be able to do, and what every woman wishes her man could do.

i used to keep a whole lot of stuff too, when i was young. of course i don't hoard junk, just things that could (or appears to be) potentially be useful.

it came to the point where my drawers were filled with so much stuff that i couldn't keep any more. i would periodically throw away some stuff that i REALLY found to be useless, so that i could add to my collection.

i had to clear my drawers recently, and i found lots of buried items that i haven't seen in years. some were kept for emotional reasons, some practical, others i have no damn idea why they are there.

put away some stuff to throw, moved the rest into a box, awaiting their new home (still not bought). i then started to shift my clothes. midway through, i realised that i didn't have a place to hang my belts.

hmmm... i looked over at the stuff i planned on dumping. there were some colourful paperclips that i had straightened for a project i did in sec 1.

for 9 years they lay in my drawer, buried under tons of stuff, awaiting their day of glory. this was their time to shine.

don't use bleach

the violence that has erupted in bangkok is perhaps the most talked-about here, because everyone is surprised that it actually happened. even when there were thousands of red shirts holding protests in the middle of the city, i still know of people who continued with their travel plans.

too much faith in the thais? it doesn't matter where or who, any place where there are thousands of people gathered is not a good place to be. and any place where there are thousands of people holding a freaking protest can turn into hell in an instant.

but perhaps the thing that went wrong was how the government dealt with it, turning a sorta peaceful protest into this. we all know that when dealing with emotional people, we have to attack their emotions. however they decided to attack them with weapons, which is erm not a wise thing, especially with thousands of emotional people.

one thing i noticed was that there were two factions involved, the red shirts and the yellow or pink shirts. this led me to wonder: what if a guy in the red team washed his shirt and it faded into pink? will he be mistaken for the enemy? dangerous times.

belated boomz

ris low is funny, she makes me laugh. i don't hate her nor detest her, although i know many many people do. but why? she's just like your average singaporean, it's not her fault that she won miss world, it's not her fault (mostly) that her english is wonky.

so why do they all hate her so much? because she is your average singaporean, and we don't like to be found out. singapore is one of the most (or THE most) westernised asian countries, and it leads to a lot of confusion and pretense about our culture.

we'd like the western world to think that we're one of them, we'd like the 'backward' asian world to think that we're not like them. we're so inherently asian in our values and culture, and yet we try to be something that we're not. it's embarrassing, really.

and when something like this whole ris low saga comes along, we are ashamed, fearful that the world will see that hey, singaporeans are like that. that's why they rage, they hate, they want to say "no, no, we're not like her, she's just an anomaly!"

oh well, we can continue to pretend. look around, you'll see a whole lot more of this.

*pls quote me if any one of you decide to write a full article on this. make me famous. or at least a little?*

i am my best friend

i say "i realise" very often because that's just what it is. i think about things all the time and make lots and lots of 'realisations.'

i always analyse myself and come to find out a whole lot of new things everyday. it's like i'm a treasure chest of realisations waiting to be uncovered.

i think about my past, my present, my future. i think about the things i've done, the things i've loved, the things i've regretted. i think about how to make myself better, about the wrongs i've yet to make right.

i probably spend 90% of my thinking time analysing myself. i'm not being vain or self-centered, it's just like my hobby.

no wait, actually i am self-centered. i mean, everything in my world is about me, right? just like everything in your world is about you.

and besides, if i don't think about myself, who the hell is going to do that for me? no one cares about me as much as i do.

that's life

the grass is so green,


the sky is so blue,


but never together.

lol

after checking out some lolcats, i realised that my cat always looks very photogenic. maybe one day i'll catch her on a bad day and she too will become a lolcat.

noobs

i came across an australian kids educational game show this morning. in the one segment which i saw, the kids were supposed to fill in 4 blanks in a sentence with several choices available.

the kids were about 10 years old, and they had to drag the answers into the blanks on their individual computers.

after a while, i realised they were all just trying their luck and dragging the answers one by one, since only the correct answers would stay in the blanks. the wrong answers would jump back to the original positions.

one kid was randomly dragging the answers, and even repeatedly dragged in the wrong answers. it's like if you're gonna be guessing, at least do it systematically right?

besides, the question honestly wasn't really difficult at all, even for a 10-year-old.

and since it's a game show, i'd assume the participants should have been at least above average in order to take part, but they were all relying on trial and error, and not were even very efficient at doing that.

channel 8 is full of shit

i've been watching bits of channel 8 series recently, and one recurring thing i noticed is that they advocate 'fighting for love,' aka 'if you love someone you gotta do everything to get her.'

i find this idea very strange. i've been thinking about it a little, and i just cannot grasp it. to do this fighting-for-love thing, it suggests that one believes that love can be manufactured or produced out of hard work. it also advocates one-sided love, something else which i can never ever comprehend.

does it really work that way? really? because for me, it's either yes or no, very clear cut. love can become no love, but NEVER the other way round. i don't understand how you can make someone like you.

there's a lot more to this that i don't know how to put to words, but basically i just find the whole idea very creepy.

another part which i found stupid and very misleading to young viewers was when this girl (bitch) dumped her bf and was going out with a rich man. the girl's brother then encouraged the bf to 'fight for his love' and win her back, by showing her that he's still the best man for her. he agreed and of course in the end he'll get her back somehow.

erm, this is so stupid on so many different levels that i don't even know where to begin. perhaps the most apparent would be that if a girl is gonna leave me and go out with someone else, then obviously she's a damn bitch and not worth a second more of my time.

but well, that's just me. what do you think?