$14

bought dan brown's angels and demons for something like $14. want to see what all the fuss about him was all about.


i think i'm eating too much.

hu h

i got drunk last night. first time ever. not gonna happen again any time soon. vodka smells like nail polish remover. being drunk is irritating. actually it's kinda fun. told a girl i liked her. she asked me what was my darkest secret. trying to take advantage of a drunkard. volunteered to be the pole for the girls to pole-dance about. they didn't think the same way. chased out of the house by another girl for some unknown reason. thought it would be a good idea to go sit by the car/hide behind the flowerpot. worried that my mother would find out and disown me. didn't happen. stepped on and broke the sandals of the-girl-i-said-i-liked. offered to lend her my shoes. got stared upon by old-man-sitting-beside-me on the bus. sms-ed rubbish to various people. decided it would be fun to call anus.

when i'm drunk, i tend to
-laugh a lot
-talk a lot of rubbish and not mean any of it (so much for drunks being truthful)
-stumble and fall around the place
-laugh again
-not care if i appear retarded (probably)
-laugh some more

i'm not proud of myself. everyone should drink a little. probably not as much as i did. heh.

it has turned into an obsession

late dawns and early sunsets
just like my favorite scenes
when holding hands
and life was perfect
just like up on the screen
and the whole time while always giving
counting your face among the living

up and down escalators
pennies and colder fountains
elevators and half price sales
trapped in by all these mountains

running away and hiding with you
i never thought they'd get me here
not knowing you'd change from just one bite
i fought them all off just to hold you close and tight

but does anyone notice?
but does anyone care?
and if i had the guts to put this to your head
but would anything matter if you're already dead?
and should i be shocked now by the last thing you said?
before i pull this trigger
your eyes vacant and stained

but does anyone notice?
but does anyone care?
and if i had the guts to put this to your head
and would anything matter if you're already dead?
and now should i be shocked by the last thing you said?
before i pull this trigger
your eyes vacant and stained
and in saying you loved me
made things harder at best
and these words changing nothing
as your body remains
and there's no room in this hell
there's no room in the next
and our memories deafeat us
and i'll end this direst

but does anyone notice?
but does anyone care?
and if i had the guts to put this to your head
but does anything matter if you're already dead?
and should i be shocked now by the last thing you said?
before i pull this trigger
your eyes vacant and stained
and in saying you loved me
made things harder at best
and these words changing nothing
as your body remains
and there's no room in this hell
there's no room in the next
but does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?

early sunsets over monroeville - my chemical romance
(again)
(what is it that makes me like it so much?)
(i think i love zombies too much)
(maybe i'm just too bored)
(or too easily amused)
(why am i writing in brackets?)


zen micro is playing
early sunsets over monroeville - my chemical romance

nope

"before i pull this trigger, your eyes vacant and stained. and in saying you loved me, made things harder at best."
early sunsets over monroeville - my chemical romance
(i love this song a little too much)

this blog is going to be 1 soon. on july 17. great. since the time i've created this, i never really asked myself what's the whole point of it all. now seems like a nice time.

but as i come to actually try figure out why, i can't. the most pausible reason is that i always have a whole lot of thoughts floating around in my head. and i couldn't forget them because i was worried that they would be lost forever. it's like printing an essay and then burning it. a waste of my brain space.

so i supposed that writing it down would make it permanant, and so i could peacefully delete the thoughts from my head without worrying that they would be wasted.

but that still doesn't justify making a blog, since i could have written my thoughts down in a diary or even on microsoft word and saved it somewhere in the deep recesses of my computer.

as i've said, i always have a lot of crap in my head. and i always wonder if it's just me being crazy or do other people share the same weird/stupid/whatever ideas as myself. like am i being stupid hating on pink wearing fags or do people actually think the same? and a blog would probably help find some answers.

to find these answers, i would need readers. after some time, it seemed that no one was reading the shit i write or they were just too shy to comment. but i still continued. by then, blogging was more for self-entertainment than to find like-minded people. to amuse myself, and still to clear my brain.

a new classmate of mine say that i like to mumble to myself and then laugh. it's all self-amusement, as long as i understand myself. actually i think she's just dumb not to understand my mumblings. i hope she doesn't read this.

having extremely few readers also help in a way that i don't have to worry about offending the people i know. i don't really care about strangers. with readers, especially those whom i know, i have to control myself. i can't say things like my classmate being dumb like i did above.

and as time passed, i also realised that it isin't exactly easy to transfer my thoughts into something more legible, since things are usually a whole big mess in my head. more often than not, the things i think about and the things i type out are almost vastly different, although they still hold the same basic values.

and because of this rough transition, parts of my original meaning are either lost or mashed up or exaggerated to allow for easier understanding to the few readers i have. so don't always take the things i say seriously. you could always ask me if you really want to know if that's what i really think.


the messed up paragraphs of this post is a perfect example of my thoughts not transferring smoothly into words. i hope you can understand this shit.

some time ago

"running away and hiding with you, i never thought they'd get me here. not knowing you'd change from just one bite, i fought them all off just to hold you close and tight"
early sunsets over monroeville - my chemical romance
(it's about dawn of the dead)

my father bought a $400 belkin wireless router. $400. it has 4 antennas. i wonder what's the point. anyway, it couldn't work then. so everyone was sad. then he realised that it was the modem that was fucking up, so he changed the modem. and now it works.

it works. now i can chat with people while taking a shit. fun stuff. and i can blog from my bed. and. anyway. things are getting a little too fucked lately. actually they have been for some time. think my brain still can't adapt to having to think all the time after 6 months of inactivity. i can feel my brain messing up so much so that i haven't been thinking about the things i normally do on a normal day.

let's just hope it clears up soon. i prefer a functioning brain.


and if you happen to see my cip blog, please don't take any notice of it because it is totally bullshit and just basically the complete opposite of what i think. but it's damn school work and it has to be done, whether gay or not. so please don't read it and say that i'm gay. i hope the teacher doesn't get linked here through my profile. heh.

i am

not blogging because my father is back and it's not easy with him walking around probably wondering if i'm surfing porn.


i'm writing shit on my phone again.using my laptop to blog in class is fucking weird with the people beside me trying to sneak a peak on my screen. actually they haven't tried to look because i haven't started blogging.

i thought putting the laptop on my lap would give me a little more privacy but it seems that my balls can absorb wireless internet radiation quite well and so the internet wasn't working. nevermind that a scientist once fried his balls after working for hours with his laptop on his lap. who the hell needs sperm anyway?

which brings me to the point of why in the world are laptops called so if you can't use them on your laps? i'm writing so much shit because i'm fucking bored and everyone else is either doing something or doing something while i sit here stupidly listening to afi's sing the sorrow (the album) and typing shit on my phone. i shall try to do something productive now.

- written monday 10.45am, because class was too damn boring and my balls suck up too much radiation for me to blog.


and i bought this on tuesday. third one already.

nope

my life is brilliant,
my love is pure,
i saw an angel,
of that i'm sure.
she smiled at me on the subway,
she was with another man,
but i won't lose no sleep on that, 'cos i have got a plan.

you're beautiful.
you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.

i saw your face,
in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cos i'll never be with you.

yes she caught my eye,
as i walked on by
she could see from my face that i was, fucking high,
and I don't think, that i'll see her again,
but we shared a moment that will last till the end.

you're beautiful.
you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.

i saw your face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do, cos i'll never be with you.

you're beautiful
you're beautiful
you're beautiful, it's true.

there must be an angel with a smile on her face,
when she thought up that i should be with you.

but its time to face the truth,
i will never be with you.
you're beautiful - james blunt


i haven't heard this song yet.

lonesome crowded west

yesterday, a person i knew for 3 hours said that i looked lonely because i was walking alone. normal people would get alarmed when a relative stranger says something like that to them, since if a stranger can see that you're lonely, then your definitely lonely or some shit like that.

actually i was walking alone because the other people (GIRLS) were walking too slowly. in fact, i seem to be walking alone most of the time because the people i'm with walk too slowly. and for some reason, i can't make myself walk at the same (SLOW) speed as them. i feel that walking slowly wastes more energy than walking faster.

besides, walking slowly in a large group is a hindarance to similar fast-walking cunts like myself because they get blocked by a wall of slow-movers and get forced to walk slowly. then more people get stuck by the wall and cause a jam. then add some butter and bread and you can have breakfast.

on second thought, maybe i should walk slowly instead. nah. energy is very precious to me.

i'm not lonely. i just walk quickly.

part VI

she missed me too much.

Dear Davies,

What is happening.I have not heard from you for sometime.Hope you are okay and please do confirm your interest in assisting me.

Waiting to hear from you.

Thanks.

Debora

my reply:

Dearest Deborah,
I am sorry I have not contacted you for so long. You guessed wrongly; I am not okay, I promise. Something unfortunate happpened recently and I was too devestated to reply or contact your lawyer.

I met a girl recently. Like you, she did not seem to mind that my hands are mutilated. She said she loved me and I believed her. I had my doubts about her sincerety when she seemed to not want to hold my hand in public and always insisted that I stay at least a metre away from her. It seemed that she did not want people to know that we are together.

But I simply thought that she was shy. She was good to me in private, and that was all that mattered. I loved her so much that I even gave her access to my bank account, in case there was an emergency and she needed money.

My life is cursed. On Sunday she dissappeared and all the money in my account was gone. At first I thought she was kidnapped and even made a police report. I was worried sick until she called me and said that she had left the country with another man. She only pretended to like me because I was rich. I was devestated. That was Tuesday.

Now I am left with nothing. I do not have a job. The money I had was from insurance I bought for my mother just before she died of an 'accident'. Credit card companies are asking for payment of the things she bought before she left. Water and electricity to my house will also be cut off soon, and I would probably be unable to contact you anymore.

I am extremely regretful that my life has come to this. Could you please help me get over this though period by sending over a small sum of money? I do not ask for much, US$1,000 would be enough to cover while I desperately look for a job. Such a small sum would surely not be a problem to you.

I really do not know who else to seek help from, as you and my friend in Abidjan are the only friends I have. I am too ashamed to ask him for help, so you are my only hope. I know that I have been unfaithful to you by having a girlfriend, but I hope you would overlook that on account of our deep love. I will remain faithful to you from now on.

Please reply before my electricity gets cut off.

Love,
Davis


i hope asking for money from scammers isin't against the law. it's just a joke anyway. don't arrest me.


go listen to
jet black new year - thursday

damn shit

doing homework while listening to music isin't a good idea. trying to figure out communication breakdowns while having a weird ass voice singing "i want a lover i don't have to love, i want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck," over the speakers is rather distracting, as i've just found out.

in fact, i got so distracted that i'm blogging now. great stuff. back to homework.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

since i'm not gonna do homework, might as well get back in here.


this morning in the bus, i was sitting happily when a rather old malay woman boarded. actually she wasn't all that old, probably 60 or so. anyway, the bus was crowded and she was kinda scanning the area for a seat, or for someone to give up their seat for her. no one did. then she made her way towards me and gave me the evil eye.

like saying "ay, what the fuck, get up and let me the old lady sit." the woman was evil. i could sense it. being the extremely ungentlemanly person i am, i remained seated. i'm so evil. then i experienced some 'instant karma'.

it was raining and there was condensation in the air-con thing. the bus turned and the water spilled/dripped on me. great. if i had given up my seat, the woman would have been the one sitting there getting wet. so i kinda saved her. i feel proud of myself now.

the woman was also holding a press-to-click-to-count device thing, the kind that you press and the number on the dial moves up. and she was clicking on it throughout the whole journey. i thought she was counting the number of assholes who weren't giving up their seats to her. i make up 1 in that number.

air-con?

last night i was watching the news and they were showing a bunch of cunts complaining. they were complaining about how the macritchie tree-top-walk-long-bridge-jungle-trek-see-birds-and-trees thing was too tough for their weak pussy legs to handle.

how much more retarded can my fellow CoUNTrymen get? "i think the walk is too tough for some of the children and old people. also for people like us with babies, we have to carry the strollers and the baby and drop them off the bridge and..." it's a forest trek. you're not supposed to bring babies and strollers to a jungle TREK. if you're too weak to TREK, then go sit in the car or something.

next they're gonna ask for lifts and escalaters and coke machines and people to wipe their sweat. "oh, and it would be better if they installed air-con on the trails."


land of the dead is coming out on 24th june. lords of dogtown is supposed to be already out. my home-made porn video is still seeking actresses.


go listen to
lover i don't have to love - bright eyes

part V

sorry for my bad spelling in yesterday's post. i was laughing uncontrollably after an interesting series of events.

anyway, if you couldn't understand what was so funny about that emo farm video, watch this first to get some background knowlege on emo-ism. if you still don't get it the second time, you're just dumb


Dear Davies,
I have received your picture and look good as a toddler despite the harm.
Here's the contact of the internet director that gave me your contacts.

Phone: xxxxx-xxxxxxxx
Email: xxxxxx_x@yahoo.fr

When you contact do not let him know about the transfer of the funds. Have you contacted the lawyer as i stated to you.Let me know of the contact you made with him.

Thanks.

With love
Debora


now i really don't know what to say. probably wait a few days before i reply her. or just don't say anything until she emails me to ask why haven't i contacted her lawyer.


go listen to
to the end - my chemical romance

lmao fuckging funny shti

watch this shit..

funny stuff.

i love africans - IV

i'm starting to love this 'woman'.

Dearest Davies,
It is with honour, respect and with regard that i read your mail this morning and in all i could say that all glory be to God Almighty for all things in our lives. My coming in contact with you may have been His doing and your deformity has nothing to do with my cherishing you. The more you open up to tell me of your past troubled life the more i get involved because for me honesty, sincerity and openness is the key. I have not seen you or neither have you seen me but my thoughts revolves around you.

You complained of your repressed anger over the years but i give you my words you will get over them when i'm with you. Your deformity should stop being a concern to you. Be proud and give God thanks for your life today and for the things He has given you.

I will try to go and see the internet director today and extend your greetings to him. When i pass you his contact informations you should remember not to disclose anything concerning money which will be transferred to you through me for investment purposes.

Now you should contact the lawyer that will assist us in the transfers of the funds to your country.The lawyer will help in the processing and procurement of all the necessary documents needed in the reclaiming and transferring of the funds to your country through the address and account you will have to provide. He will also make a binding aggrement between us in the transfers of the funds.
HIS NAME: xxxxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxxx
PHONE: xxxxx-xxxxxxxx
EMAIL : xxx_xxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.fr

When you call him tell him you are calling on my behalf Miss Debora Demo in respect to transfer of funds. I have notified him of the contact you will be making with him and you should contact him tomorrow or monday.

I do not need money now except if you want me to arrange coming to see you then i will make a confirmation on what it will take me to arrange for the travel including processing a passport.I will need to start arranging as the transfers of the funds will be in progress immediately you contact the lawyer.

I enclose my personal photos for you to know me.Do send me your photo also.And send me your phone and address.

I am sending you the deposit document of the trunk box at the security company and please do keep it safely as any exposure will not be such good to the safety of the consignments and the funds.

I await your soonest response.

Your's affectionate,
Deborah

i censored his name and contacts because i'm worried he'll do a search of his name/contacts out of boredom/curiousity/whatever and find this place. realised she probably spelled my 'name' wrongly because i've been spelling her's wrongly too. three cheers for sweet revenge. somehow, she mispelled her own name this time. and mine too.

i don't intend to contact her 'lawyer'.

she even included pictures of herself.


anyway, from what i read in the papers, they usually directly ask for money to do the trasnaction. this woman is different. and i kinda gave it away when i asked her how much she needed, since she has never asked for any to begin with. they've probably learnt lots from their past experiences. and i'm helping in their learning process.

the address of her original email is blacklisted here.

my reply:

Deborah my love,
Can you please send me the contacts of my friend? I am desperate and in serious need to speak with him.

I am unable to send you my picture as I do not own a camera due to my inability to operate one. However, I managed to find a picture of myslef from happier times. It is the only picture I have that portray my hands. I apologise for the poor quality of the picture but it was taken more than 30 years ago.

Love,
Davis




in other news,

yesterday - i woke up, went to school for a make up lesson at 11. took a 15 minute walk around school before it began because i was too early and i didn't want to be that early since it was a different class. 1 hour later, class was over. i bought a bottle of peach tea and a box of lime mentos and took another long walk because the next class only starts at 1. finished my walk and met my friend, watched him eat at canteen 1. went for class, and then sports and wellness from 3 to 5.

and as i was walking back from the basketball court, i realised that the only things i 'ate' that day were mentos and peach tea. and water from the water cooler. the interesting thing was, i wasn't the least bit hungry.

from what i gather, thin people like myself have very little stored energy in terms of fats, so i should feel hungry quite often, since energy is used up quickly and there are no reserves. but i don't. on a normal day, i only eat 1 proper meal at best. and this has been going on for about 3 years.

i stopped eating regularly back in secondary 2. we had to read a novel called 'brian's return', about a boy who was stranded alone in the middle of the north american forest after his plane crashed. it's part of a series written by gary poulsen. quite a good book.

anyway, he said something to the extent of "when i was first here, i was afraid of hunger. i had to eat whenever i felt hungry. now, hunger is like an old friend. i know that being hungry will not kill me." i thought it was extremely true, so i decided to follow his advice.

that book is probably the reason i'm not 1.8 metres tall now.

so i think i'm either
1) immune from hunger
2) blessed with an extremely low metabolic rate
3) 'xian'

for those that do not understand number 3, it's a chinese word for god. my relatives always tell me (in mandrin, of course) "you everytime don't want to eat, want to be 'xian' is it?" sometimes i think they're right.

i think that because i don't eat regularly, my stomach is forced to sap every last bit of energy from what little i eat. high conversion efficiency rate. so very little is lost to my shit. and beacuse of this, one meal i eat is probably equivilent to 2 meals in a normal (yes, i'm not normal) person.

and as part of my transformation, my metabolic rate has slown down so that energy is used very sparingly. my body has also adapted itself to use lesser energy to complete its tasks. sort of like energy-saving mode on a laptop, except i'm in that mode all the time.


zen micro is playing
you know what they do to guys like us in prison - my chemical romance

i (really) (really) love africans

she replied AGIAN. she must be really desperate for business.


Dear Davies,
Thanks again for your reply and with all the difficulty you had in typing which took you several hours due to the mishap on your hands.Firstly before i begin,I want to express to you that i got your contact through the help of a friend who works at the internet and he gave me your name amongst other names which i prayed over and selected your name as the the spirit of lord directed me and hence i made contact to you. You should refer to the first email i sent to you.

About your nightmares, however there is no way my father's former bussiness partners should know you in the transfers of this funds.They know me but knows nothing about the money my father kept at the security company and will not know anything about the transfers of the money overseas.It was because of the way that my father was killed through poison that i wanted to keep the transfers private.The funds are quite legal but i want to maintain privacy of it's transfers. Our conversations should always remain private and no one should know anything about it tlill the funds are transferred.

You said that your government does not grant permit to people from Ivory Coast for study and resident. With your utmost concern of trust and sincerity in the course of this transfers i will be able to study in a nearby country to be able to visit you always and for you to always come and visit me.I suggest it will be better that we be together in a country where i will be able to enroll in school.I believe we can have further discussions on this after the transfers of the funds. I too believe you will assist in the proper investment of this funds in good lucrative ventures.

Davies this bussiness is legal and needs every protection from your side and my side because as it involves transfers of huge sum of money i need to secretly transfer it as my father ordered me and avoid dangers of loss of the funds. The friend that gave your address to me who is an internet director i did not even told her that it is money that i want to transfer overseas for my private investment purposes, this is also for security reasons of the funds.

I feel very much sorry for the accident you had as small boy which caused you bodily harm.But i believe you no longer feel the pangs of the accident anymore.I want to assure sincerely that that your openess about yourself has endeared me to you with love and passion.All i would require from you is your trust in safe keeping of the funds when transferred.

One thing i would honestly assure you is that i will always feel happy in your palms provided you assist me in the transfers and investing of the funds.Equally you should learn how to control when i'm with you but do understand that i will treat you as a man knowing what you deserve.

The depository documents of the consignment at the security company are with me and there is no risk involved in the reclaiming and transfers of the funds to your country.As soon as we have clear vision of understanding and your further assurances i will be signing an authorisation letter in your name for the change of ownership of the consignment to your name for it's reclaiming and transfers through the help of the lawyer that will transfers the funds.

Thanks and i remain grateful.

With Love,
Debora Demo


"I want to assure sincerely that that your openess about yourself has endeared me to you with love and passion... Equally you should learn how to control when i'm with you but do understand that i will treat you as a man knowing what you deserve ..." she loves me and wants to fuck me.

my reply:

Deborah my love,
I am horrified that you suggested that I am no longer affected by my childhood accident. Since then, people have been avoiding me where ever I go, and as a result, you and my friend in Abidjan are the only people that i can truely call friends. Not even my handsome looks managed to get me into a relationship because of my deformity. I am deeply traumatised by your comment. Even as I type this, I am reminded of my problem, BECAUSE I CAN ONLY TYPE WITH ONE FINGER!

I am sorry for that outburst. Sometimes I find it hard to control myself, due to my repressed anger over the years, which is why I'm worried for your safety when you're around me. However, I believe you deep love for me will help overcome all barriers

If your friend who is the internet director knows my name, he would surely know me? I am surprised that he managed to get into such a high ranking position only after 2 short years. Please tell him that I am happy for his success. Also, I am in desperate need for his contacts due to personal problems.

How much money do you need me to transfer?

You mentioned that you are from Ivory Coast. Why is this so, since you said in your previous emails that you are from Abidjan? Have you recently moved to Ivory Coast or are you still in Abidjan? Also, which nationality are you of?

I eagerly await your reply.

With my ever undying love,
Davis



damn. assron told me that abidjan is the capitol of ivory coast. so i sent her this.


Dearest Deborah,
I am sorry that I mistook Abidjan and Ivory Coast to be different countries in my reply. I was still angry when I wrote it and thus was not thinking clearly. So please disregard the last pararaph from my email.

Love,
Davis


i know it isin't exactly funny, but i have to show interest and take things slow or else she may feel something wrong. i've got plans, so don't worry.


go listen to
cross out the eyes - thursday

i (really) love africans

Dear ryan,

Many thanks for your interest ao assist me.First i want to assure you that there is no risk involved in the transfers of the funds overseas as all you have to do for me is to stand as the foreign beneficiary of the consignment at the security to claim it in your name through the help of a lawyer that will assist us.

Meanwhile i do not know your friend here in Abidjan and i will like to let you know from now that i do not want anybody to know something involving the transfers of the funds including your friend here in my country.

I think i will not have any problem with you in being together and having t feel me but you should handle me with much respect and care when the time comes after a successful transfer of the funds.

Could you let me know when i should have time to have a chat with on the internet so we can discuss further things regarding the transfers.

I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.

Your's faithfully,

Debora

she knows my name because it's in my yahoo account.

my reply:

Deborah my beloved,
I am happy to hear from you. However you still have not addressed the problems from the first email i sent you, which i believe are crucial in the success of our relationship.

I have had terrible nightmares for the past few nights. I dreamt that your father's business associates killed me and fed my body to dogs by luring me with a promise of US$1,200,000 (One Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) [the amount she wants to give me], after I helped you in your business transaction. As a result, I have been unable to sleep, and live in fear that they would discover our current conversations, and proceed to hunt me down and kill me.

Also, I believe it would be pointless for you to come over here because your aims are to get a residential permit, and to study here. But as I have told you, our local Government does not grant residentship to people from Abidjan.

Besides that, I have also recently spoken to the heads of all the local Universities, and they all told me that they do not accept students from Abidjan because they think you people are stupid. Although Iobviously disagree, I believe that there is no way for you to be able to enrol in a University here.

You mentioned in your first email that it was my long lost friend who gave you my name, so why would you not know him? I have an urgent need to find him due to personal reasons, so I sincerely hope that you would not withhold any useful information from me.

Also, you said that you do not want anyone to know about our business, including my good friend. However, since it was he who told you my name, surely he would have known the intended purpose of it, and therefore be aware of our business? You also give me the impression that the business we are doing is illegal since you are so secretive about the affair.

I believe I would be unable to control myself around you, and thus unable to treat you with much respect you deserve, due to my current position.

I believe we should continue our business through this method instead of through chats. I lost almost all my fingers in an unfortunate accident involving my mother, a hammer and my fingers when i was young. I am only with with my right little finger, and typing this message alone took me more than 5 hours. Thus I believe that chatting would not be effective due to my slow typing speed.

Please help clear my doubts. Once again, I would be happy to do business with you and money is never a problem. One more thing, I prefer to be called Davis because Ryan is the name my mother gave me, and my relationship with her has been very extreme after the unfortunate hammer incident when I was young.

Love,
Davis


go listen to
pretty girl (the way) - sugarcult

i'm (really) bored

"he's not around, he's always looking at men."
to the end - my chemical romance

into the third week of school and i already want another 6 month holiday. as with in secondary school, i have no idea how the things i'm learning now would benefit me in the future. but at least it's not as useless as maths and science.

i'm so incredibly bored that i have nothing to say.


"note to self: i miss you terribly, this is what we call a tragedy."
note to self - from first to last

"your memories will always haunt me like a ghost, to put it nicely i hope you choke"
populace in two - from first to last

"as we kiss hard on the lips and swear, 'this year will be better than the last.'"
jet black new year - thursday

"and it seems your disappointed that i'm not a whore."
cruise control - afi

"thank you for taking me from my monastery, i was dying to get out."
sweet avenue - jets to brazil

"why am i waiting for you to see that i'm alive?"
starry configurations - jets to brazil

"mummy and daddy's got the best cocaine."
bouncing off the walls - sugarcult

"i got my finger on the trigger and you're in my way."
bouncing off the walls - sugarcult

"karma police arrest this girl, her hitler hairdo is making me feel ill."
karma police - radiohead

"from all the unborn chicken voices in my head."
paranoid android - radiohead


zen micro is playing
memory (acoustic) - sugarcult

i love africans

"you're such a sucker."
cute without the 'e' - taking back sunday

i got my very first african scam mail today. interesting as to how people manage to get tricked by their bullshit. actually it's not that interesting; dumb people still exist.

Hi Dearest One,
permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you , l got your name and contact through the help of a friend whoworks in internet here in Abidjan and l prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to its esteeming nature and the recommendation by the director for a reputable and trustworthy person l can do business with and by the recommendation l must not hesitate to confid in you for this simple and sincere business.

holy shit. that was one whole fucking sentence. no kidding. her teacher must have forgotten to teach her punctuation. notice that she uses 'l' [L] instead of 'i'.

I Am Miss Deborah Demo Francis, the only daughter of late mr and Mrs Demo Francis.My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan here, the economic capital of Ivory Coast, he was poissoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on business.

heh. then it goes on to the money business and such, needing to transfer money so she can study here and secure a residential permit. she also wants me to serve as her guardian during her stay here.

my reply:

Hello my dearest Deborah,
I am pleased to recieve your mail and I would be glad to offer my assistance in any way possible. However, I am extremely regretful to notify you I am facing several reservations in extending help.

Firstly, your father was poisoned by his business associates, and I fear that a similar fate would befall me should I help you.

Secondly, I believe that it is in your best interest that I should inform you that the standard of the local Universities is rather poor, and it would probably cause more harm than good to your academic persuits should you decide to enrol with them.

Thirdly, from the research I have done, it appears that our government do not give out residential permits to people hailing from Abidjan due to the aparrent civil unrest there.

I had to think hard and long before I made the decision to reveal this final information to you, due to its portrayal of myself in quite a bad position.

I do not believe that I am in a suitable position to serve as your guardian due to my current deposition. As you may have heard from my friend over in Abidjan, I am currently 40-years-old, single, and a fair bit desperate. I fear that I would not be able to control myself when I am around you, and thus bring unnecessary harm to yourself.

Thus, you should seek solutions to the above problems before deciding on the best course of action. Again, I would be glad to offer any futher assistance. Money is never a problem to me.

Other than that, could you please notify my friend in Abidjan that I have lost his contacts and that I have been desperately searching for him during the past 2 years? It would be most beneficial to me if you would send me his telephone number and email address in your reply.

Love,
Davis

i'm so fucking polite that i even bothered to strain my poor little finger to type Proper Casings when necessary. and i have no idea why i signed off as davis. yes, i did send that to her.


zen micro is playing
populace in two - from first to last

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my template got fucked, and the site wouldn't show. so i had to re-edit it again and force myself to re-remember some non-existant html skillz. anyway, i have enough skillz to get this up and running again, so everything's fine now.


zen micro is playing
sweet avenue - jets to brazil

imaginary imaginations

last friday i was in sports and wellness, known as physical education back in secondary school. we all had to choose a sport and stick with it for the entire semester. being extremely lucky and loved by the person above, i got into basketball. everything's fine, except that i fucking hate basketball.

but that's not the point. i made an extremely interesting discovery that day. halfway through (attempting) shooting baskets, i realised that the little part of my brain that controls the need to check out girls, just to see who's pretty and who's not, was not functioning.

and then i came to the horrific realisation that i actually haven't been looking at girls for quite some time now, not just in basketball. and i had to find out why.

i had to actually think for quite some time before i managed to remember the last time i wasn't interested in girls. that was after the first time i saw her. (don't ask why i look at girls in swimsuits) i think got infatuated with her back then. (yes, i get infatuated with pictures of girls) other girls didn't interest me because they couldn't even match her perfection. heh, i'm so fucking cheesy. anyway, i soon got over her and started looking at girls again.

so now i've come to the conclusion that i'm infatuated with someone. the problem is, i'm NOT. not that i know of, anyway.

now things get messy. i think i'm either
1. infatuated with someone and unaware of it,
2. still in love with her.
3. gay (FUCK NO!)

i KNOW i'm not gay because i don't look at guys either. which leaves me with either 1 or 2. or maybe i'm just un-sexed. like a neutered cat.


zen micro is playing
saying goodbye - sugarcult

omg omg

wow. i'm blogging on a weekend! WOW!

just kidding.

i'm bumd

"now i'm staring at the sun, waiting for it to explode. because the day is gonna come, don't know when but it will come. and then we will finally know the way out of here."
from a balance beam - bright eyes

seems like every 'first lesson' we have to do an introduction. and it doesn't seem to matter that we already know each other. and today we had to do yet another introduction. only this time it was oral communications class, so we had to talk a whole lot more. and i hate fucking introductions.

introductions are just so damn fake and plain weird. talking to so many people at the same time is worse. it's the kind of thing that anyone in the right state of mind would never do on a normal basis.

and because i hate doing introductions, i was sitting there silently, hoping to either go last or just get missed out because of lack of time. hopefully just get missed. lo and behold, the teacher was wiser than me. 6 minutes from time, i got called. fucking shit. 6 more minutes and i'll be free.

since i had a false sense of sercurity that i would NEVER be up there talking to everyone, i really didn't make any preperations at all. and then, it was my turn. wow. so i mumbled and scraped my way through, thinking that everything will be fine.

and after class darran told me that we're being graded for that. hm. nice.


got some radiohead songs a few weeks ago. it's interesting how they can make everything seem so bleak and hopeless in their songs, and yet still manage to have a tinge of hope. and it's even more interesting as to why i'm listening to them, since i stopped listening to from a balance beam by bright eyes because of this, except there doesn't seem to be any hope in the song. i'm just weird.


go listen to
radiohead - fake plastic trees

hug me too

not too long ago, i thought that only couples hug each other. or parents and their little kids. or gays and their gay friends. the only other hugging i saw was on tv. my perception of hugging came crashing down on me on tuesday.

as i was happily sitting in the bus going to school, a girl boarded and spotted her friend. she shrieked and proceeded to hug her. "hm," i thought. "must be long lost friends." besides, the hug was one of the most bullshit ones i've seen. from what i know, chests should touch when you hug, right? at least that's what i think. but their hug consisted of putting their arms just slightly around each other's shoulders, and erm... hugging?

then i got down the bus and as i was happily walking down the overhead bridge, there was another shriek. i looked down and saw a girl giving another girl walking in front of me a hug. "hm," i thought. "must be long lost friends." the hug was yet another bullshit one, as described above. they then proceeded to shatter all my previous expectations of retardedness when one of them said "see you later in class."

THEN, as i was happily sitting in the canteen waching people eat (i don't eat because i'm anorexic), a guy walked up to another guy in front of me (who stood up to greet him) and fucking hugged him. "hm," i thought. "must be gay." in case you were wondering, their hug was not a bullshit one, which is further proof that they are gay.

i am seriously wondering since when has hugging people of the same sex become fashionable here in singapore? the only people i would ever hug are girls. hot girls only. i will never ever hug a guy. so girls, if you want to hug me, go ahead. i won't stop you. guys can to hu[mp]g themselves.