xxx

i went to watch x-men 3 this afternoon. it wasn't as good as i expected. too much talking, too little fighting.

and it's more disappointing considering how many new characters there are. for example, the fellow with wings was built up to appear like a major character in the trailers, but he only had like 2 scenes in the movie.

anyway, jean grey dissolved a whole group of soldiers towards the end of the movie, and i thought it was rather fucked up.

it's like the soldiers' lives are worthless. poof, they're all dead. it's not as though they want to fight, and then they all die.

one day i'm gonna become a soldier, not that i want to. and if we go to war, i HAVE to be there, although i rather be sleeping at home. and poof, i'm dead. not too cool.

kill the king, not the pawns. pawns are innocent. pr0n is indecent. prawns are ingestable.


now playing
untitled finale - atreyu

sex is good

my maid went back home for holiday last friday. 1 month holiday. which means that there's no one to vacuum the floor, wash/iron my clothes, wash my plates, wipe my ass, etc.

bad shit.

as you should know by now, i'm a lazy bum. it's better to ask me to rob a bank than to iron clothes or to wipe my own ass.

but oh poor me, i've got no choice. it's either me or my mother, and i'm too much of a filial son to do that. maybe i should pay my brother to do it.

i'm trying to recycle my clothes to wear another day, to prevent having to wash/iron them. bloody idiot who invented the iron should die.

so pardon me if i smell a little funky lately.

anyway my sister went to stay with my bastard cousin, so it's only me and my brother in the house during the day. and since he goes out quite often, the house is all mine.

which means that we can do lots of fun activites in there, like humping each other's asses and such. so please feel free to invite yourselves (and your hot friends) over for some pure unadulterated sex.

wheeee

i can't study without stress. the exams start next saturday, but that's still not near enough to cause me much stress.

i took out my textbook at 11am this morning.

- played xbox
- ate breakfast
- watched golf (WTF)
- slept till 3pm+
- ate lunch
- read newspapers
- turned on laptop to 'find lecture slides'
- read blogs
- read random websites
- chatted with random cunts

now it's 7pm. i win.

so how near must the exams be, before i get stress?

it all depends on the importance and level of difficulty.

most of the time it's 2 days before. for certain papers, it's 7pm the night before. this explains my excellent grades.

speaking of grades, i really do not understand why some (MANY) people put such high importance on them. important enough to be studying 1 month before the exams.

good grades = good life?

i dunno, but good grades = good bragging rights for sure.


now playing
M.I.A. - a7x

hehehe

we had a field trip to tiger breweries. the only good thing there was the free bar, which had all kinds of beer that they manufactured there.

i thought tiger breweries only made tiger beer. i was wrong.

there was a $5 entry fee, so i had to make the best use of my money.

oh man, great shit.

i love her

so the tests are coming in 2 weeks time, and my mind is fixated on more important things. my great list of subjects which i have no idea about is growing longer by the day, and i have close to no intention of doing anything about it.

it seems that this year we've got it bad with the teachers.

for example,

"what do you mean by guys are more likely to buy cars than women?! how does this relate to the question?!"

"uh, isin't it true that there are more guys who drive?"

"why don't you go and take a look at how many female lecturers own cars?! how is this a cultural factor?!"

"girls expect guys to drive them around, isin't that a cultural factor?"

"no, are you sure you read the notes?! it looks like you just wrote some rubbish here!"

"yes i read the notes. maybe i made the wrong assumptions."

"yes you did! so what are you going to do about it?!"

"..."

notice that there are exclamation marks to everything she says. i love her.

i'm weird

when i was in secondary 4, my classmate called me one night. he asked me to join the freestyle relay team for the swimming carnival the next day.

of course i didn't want to join it, because i'm a lazy bum and i didn't want to show the world my 8 inch package while wearing a tiny little pair of swimming trunks.

so i told him
1. i have no swimming trunks.
2. i have no goggles.
3. i'm busy.
4. i'm a lousy swimmer.

for which he replied
1. i can lend you.
2. i can lend you.
3. please help me.
4. i can't find anyone else.

so basically i was his final hope. and he only approached me last. great way to boost my ego.

then i realised i can't swim freestyle.

which i promptly told him. he finally gave up and killed himself.

and then i realised i probably sounded like i was bullshitting him about my inability, since i was giving him all sorts of shit (BUT TRUE) excuses before that.

it's like i ran out of excuses and decided to drop the final bomb filled with bullshit.

but the fact is, i CAN'T swim freestyle. i can only breast stroke my way around. of course, i'm excellent at doggystyle.

so you see, i'm weird like that. i should have remembered i can't swim freestyle and told him that from the beginning and saved me from all the trouble.

an interview

conor: well the fever is basically whatever ails you or oppresses you, it could be anything. in my case it’s my neurosis, my depression, but i don’t want to be limited to that. it’s certainly different for different people. it’s whatever keeps you up at night.

and then the mirror is like, as you might have guessed, self-examination or reflection or whatever form. this could be vanity or self-loathing. i don’t know, i’m guilty of both.

the scale is essentially our attempt to solve our problems quantitatively through logic or rationalization. in my opinion it’s often fruitless, but always, well, not always. and the clocks and calendars, etcetera, its just time, our little measurements. it’s like, it’s always chasing after us.


radio: how about this arienette, how does she fit in to all of this?

conor: i’d prefer not talk about it, in case she’s listening.

radio: oh, i’m sorry, i didn’t realize she was a real person.

conor: she’s not, but i made her up.

radio: oh, so she’s not real?

conor: just as real as you or i.

radio: i don’t think i understand.

conor: neither do i, but after i grow up i will. i mean, you know what, a lot of things are really unclear for me right now.

increased bus fares = nicer bus?

saturday, 6 may
election day

"steve chia says he promises to keep transport costs down. the pap guy wants to build handicap ramps and covered walkways."

"so who you voted for?"

"of course pap. handicap ramps is better than low transport costs. transport costs only increase by a few cents. anyway he only say he promise to keep it down."

"you're not handicap, need the ramps for what? in 10 years time a bus ride would cost $10 already."

"at least i can get some of my tax money back, and it's more useful also."


wednesday, 17 may

"how come they have to raise transport costs every year?"

"see, told you to vote for steve chia."


- conversation with my mother, adapted from my memory, edited for fluency


now playing
i won't see you tonight part 1 - a7x

oh mona lisa, who is she

i was walking to the bus stop after school today when a strange fellow approached me. he wanted to give me a booklet.

of course, my first thought was "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" my special ninja training taught me to be wary of strange people, especially if they want to give me something. i briefly contemplated throwing a few ninja stars at him but banished the thought.

i realised that this guy and his male companion were both giving out booklets. because i'm such a kind soul, i always take flyers/booklets/whatever from such sad fucks who give them out, so that they can finish their job sooner and go home.

so i took the booklet and took a look at it. i got a shock after seeing a scary yellow face staring back at me. i nearly stabbed it with my samurai sword but realised i would probably poke my hand.


scary shit.

"a companion guide to the movie or novel!"

and then i realised it's one of those christian books trying to debunk the 'tale' of the da vinci code. except this time they are sly and disguised it as a 'companion guide' to fool stupid kids.

the thing i don't understand is WHY WHY WHY are christians so caught up in this da vinci mess? they claim to know it's a story book, and yet get so worried that people would take it for the truth.

and WHY WHY WHY are they so worried?

if a christian read the book, he'd probably laugh and giggle and die, because hopefully he's smart enough to realise it's fiction.

if a non-christian reads the book, he'd possibly believe it, but SO WHAT? he's not a christian, so why bother about what he thinks?

i read in the straits times forum that singapore should ban the movie, because it's EVIL AND THE WORK OF THE DEVIL. the person even compared it to some satanic book, and asked if the satanic book would be allowed to be screened if it were made into a movie.

seriously, it makes me spazz uncontrolably.

anyway, the straits times forum is 99% filled with people with nothing better to do, and 1% people who have nothing better to do and thus reply the mails from the 99%.

i once read about a person (idiot) who complained about a girl cutting her boyfriend's fingernails in the MRT. the person (idiot) said it was unhygienic because the girl "brushed the clippings and powder on the floor."

the link i'm trying to make is that people who write in to the straits times forum are idiots with nothing better to do, and christians who get their panties up in a knot over the da vinci scandal are idiots with nothing better to do.


now playing
wordplay - jason mraz

let's wait a while

so i was a good boy, i took out my homework to do, because my teacher is evil and i'm afraid of what pains may befall me should i enter her class without doing it.

so i took out my homework and sat down, and turned on my laptop. damn, what a hot day, i shall take a bath, and so i did. i'm going to do my work after this, i thought.

so i took a bath and came out. let's read some blogs first, after all the laptop is on.

and so i read, i'm thirsty, i shall get me a drink. and in the process, i spilled a whole lot all over the place, and proceeded to wipe it clean.

and i drank and drank, and took a look at my pen. what's that? someone messaged me on msn. oh, it's about project work. wow, there're so many people online, might as well chat with them for a while.

and so i chatted, damn i'm hungry, so i went to make some instant noodles. my brother was making popcorn and i helped him mess it up. now i gotta clean the microwave before i can stick my noodles in.

so i cleaned it and made my noodles. it's 7 o'clock, time to watch tv. triple-x is on now! wait a minute, let me blog about my wonderful day.

so i did.

so kids, this is a lesson in procrastination. there is only 1 rule, PROCRASTINATION ALWAYS WINS.

i thought i could beat it by taking out my homework bright and early (4pm), but it turns out that it's all a scam. a little ploy by procrastination to make me think i had the upper hand. and through this little oversight, it thrashed my sorry ass once again with a swift karate kick.


now playing
since i've been loving you - led zepplin

there are aliens in heaven

we all know that the universe is big, probably bigger than you can imagine. and i'm not talking about the new miss singapore universe's big boobies, she's ugly.

so in this bigger-than-you-can-imagine universe, there will be some creatures out there just like us, maybe just green and short and scaly too.

in any case, aliens do exist. and if you believe that there's a heaven somewhere, then you better be prepared to meet some green people.

unless you believe that aliens go to alien heaven and humans go somewhere else. but that's racially prejudiced.

if you believe in god, then aliens are god's children too. they're your brothers and sisters, you can't discriminate them.

so quickly learn to love them, you'll be spending eternity by their side.


now playing
rock the casbah - the clash

i hate you and want to eat your brains

- act cute
- poke my laptop screen
- over-react
- staple papers the wrong way
- smell bad
- think you're better than me
- don't drink
- think i'm an alcoholic
- have no brain
- study too hard
- tYpE lIkE tHiS
- call yourself emo
- don't listen to afi
- listen to afi because they're soooo coool
- speak too much chinese
- go to kbox
- try to be a poseUr
- say that my ex-fingernail is disgusting

if you are guilty of more than 1 of the above, i officially want you dead.

if you have not done any of the above and are female, i love you and want to marry you.


now playing
miss murder - afi
many people are gonna become afi fans after hearing this song, because they're soooo cooool

happy election day

i wake up early in the morning to a freezing room and struggle to entangle myself from my blanket so i can cover myself. ouch! i bent my finger nail. the long one. i go back to sleep.

i wake up for real. i go read the newspapers and fondle my nail. it's like my favourite past time. hm, there's something on my nail. i try to scratch it off. doesn't work.

i look at it. fuck, there's a crack at the bottom. the events of this morning came flooding into my mind. i broke my nail.

my nail that has been growing for 7 months, since last october. my nail that has been with me through thick and thin, to school, to the exam hall, to wipe my ass, to my birthday, christmas, new year, chinese new year.

many have called it hurting names, but i still persisted. "yucks," "sick," "disgusting," "WAH!"
i've heard it all. people were so intolerant towards something different.

it has been through thick and thin with me. i watched it grow from a measly 1mm to its full 2cm glory. but it was broken and i had no choice.

i bit it off.

as tears fell from my eyes, i laid it's body to rest in an old mentos box, and placed it in its final resting place within the depths of my drawer.

R.I.P. my dearest fingernail. i will miss you.


some people may call me a sick fuck for biting it off, but there wasn't really another way. it's too long for a nail clipper, and using scissors is dangerous.

anyway i'm suffering from a phantom fingernail. i still type with my middle finger raised although there is no nail. and it feels so weird when i clench my fist.


now playing
right side of the bed - atreyu

coke ejaculation

a few few days ago, i was bored so i went to drink a coke. but i tought that simply drinking it would be not much fun, so i took a pin and poked it in the can.

the fun stared once i removed the pin. coke shot out of the hole at an extreme velocity, probably faster than the speed of sound. there was coke in my face, hair, my maid's hair, the floor, ceiling, and every other ofrice available.

when the ejaculation process was almost over, i decided that coke was for drinking, not for spraying everywhere. so i drank the remaining 3-quarters of the can through that hole.

when i was done, i realised that the super-acidic coke, together with it's velocity and small area of impact, had dissolved my tooth. fuck.

because i was drinking from a pin-prick, all the power was concentrated on a tiny spot somewhere between my 2 front teeth. it felt like there was something stuck to my teeth when i licked it with my tougue.

i tried scratching it off, brushing it off, nothing worked. i then tried applying toothpaste on it in hope that the flouride would help regenerate my tooth. but of course things don't work like that.

so my tooth is still partially dissolved and there still seems to be something stuck there even after so many days.

oh my exciting life.


now playing
know your rights - the clash