never enough

the number of shoes you should own is n+1, n = number of shoes you currently own.

there's currently 4 pairs of new shoes in my room that i wear and walk around the house in, and i think i like this more than actually wearing the shoes when i go out.

why? because once they're worn and dirtied, they'll just be sitting on the shelf, waiting together with all the other pairs for the day when they can finally get on my feet and see the world again.

in my room, i can wear them whenever i want to. i can fondle them, smell them, lick them, gaze at them all day and appreciate their beauty.

addiction

back during our BMT days, the requirement was for us to keep our boots black. just mash some black kiwi in with the brush and that was good. simple enough, until one day close to our POP date, some asshole decided to polish his parade boots till they were shiny.

we looked at his gleaming boots and looked back at our crusty ones. this wasn't going to end well. out came the equipment: water, cloth, some bigger assholes even upped it with cotton wool and lighters to burn the polish.

we didn't have much free time back then, but still managed to spend a sizeable amount of time sitting in the corridors polishing our boots as though we had nothing better to do. all this for the sake of looking handsome on our POP day.

in our minds, we pictured ourselves standing in file, so tall and proud and our boots would glimmer in the sunlight, reflecting the light all the way to our loved ones in the stands, and they'll be in awe of how handsome we looked.

and when that day finally came, all our trouble was for nothing. i can tell you, not a single parent/sibling/girlfriend gave even a tiny fuck about how shiny our boots were. and looking at the indistinguishable mess of people in the stands, it was obvious that we looked just like a bunch of green fucks to them too.

i thought my boots were shiny then, but who knew that it was after my POP that i would learn just how damn shiny boots could be. on the first day, our instructor was telling us our uniform requirements, how our uniform should be ironed (FUCK) and how our boots should be shined.

"i want to be able to count my teeth when i inspect your boots!" i think some of us might have stifled a laugh there. was he joking? how the hell can we do that? that was until he showed us his own shoes. FUCK.

and so out came all the equipment again, and this time it really turned into an obsession. we were voluntarily spending literally hours polishing our boots. yes, they were shiny enough to pass the uniform inspection, but they sure as hell weren't shiny enough for us!

for 8 months, we polished away. things really got out of hand closer to our POP date. we learnt nothing from the past, and started having the same grand images in our head again. this time though i think our boots might have left at least some impression because they were really shiny as hell.

after that day i was like fuuuuuuck this shit and i didn't polish my shoes for the entire year i had left. recently i had to go for reservist and i pulled my shoes out of the closet. the plan was to kiwi it a little but things quickly escalated...



i managed to stop myself halfway through before things got crazy so they're not up to my standards yet. it kinda irked me knowing that i couldn't count my teeth in them. recently i bought some shoes for work and i'm already harbouring dirty thoughts...

my name is ryan and i'm an addict.

now you know

one night last week i was on my way home when i saw a small cat under my block. it looked to be about 6-8 months old maybe, and it was just standing there staring at me so i walked towards it a little to see wtf was up but it ran away immediately.

i continued towards the lift and as i passed one of the doors to a room that banglas use to store their equipment, i noticed a tiny little kitten in the gap under the door. i watched it for a while and saw that there were 3 of them, cute as hell.

a few years back there were kittens in that room too, and they were very friendly when we fed them. i moved towards them because i figured they were probably too young to understand danger or feel fear, but they scurried under the gap and into the room.

later that night i went down with my sister and mum to feed the kittens and saw the first little cat there with them too. wtf, is that their mother? if it were, it would be like the feline version of 16 and pregnant.

the cat was hissing the fuck at us when we went close so it was definitely the mother. my father was on the way home and he saw us there and he was like fuck this shit "just leave the food there and go home."

he went home with my mother but after a while still sent my maid down with a fork to dig the food out so that they could eat it easier. i think i must have inherited this trait from him, "fuck this shit but i still secretly care i just don't want you to know."

meanwhile we were there trying to feed the cats but they were scared as shit but we managed to lure them out in the end. as usual, my sister wanted to bring one home and i found out from her that my mother was egging her on too, telling her to ask my dad about it.

i've known this for a long time though, my mother is always enthusiastic when it comes to bringing new kittens home, but at the same time she's the one that's always complaining about our current cat.

stupid cat scratching the sofa, stupid cat bite my hair, stupid cat drop his fur all over the house, blah blah. so why the fuck would she want TWO?

my sister just wants it because it's cute without thinking about the consequences. as for me, i'm ok with it but i gotta be the rational one. firstly it's gonna lead to more nagging from my mother in the future. secondly our cat is gonna freak the fuck out if we bring home another animal.

the next few days a lot of people discovered the kittens and they had a hell lot of food. my mother said they've grown a lot bigger. recently though i haven't seen them and i suspect that they may have grown too big to squeeze out from under the door so i guess they'll have to live in there until the day a bangla comes and opens the door.

xx

some new albums have been released these past months. there was once when i knew about all the new releases of my favourite bands and i would download/buy them ASAP. these days though, it's a different story. sometimes i'll be reading wiki or wherever and i see WOW NEW ALBUM?!

so anyway, new albums...
blaqk audio - bright black heaven
the xx - coexist
billy talent - viking death march
stars - the north
metric - synthetica

i was in HMV the other day browsing through as usual and then suddenly OMG BILLY TALENT NEW ALBUM IS HERE? quickly grabbed it, and then i glance down and OMG BLAQK AUDIO TOO?!?!?!? grabbed it immediately.

walked around and saw all of the above albums there and i thought if i were to buy them all i'd be $100 poorer, and fuck that so i only bought the blaqk audio album for now.

anyway some time back i saw people posting the xx's new singles on fb, and after a couple of listens, i decided that it was going to be the worst album ever. if these were supposed to be their hit songs, then i guess it was hopeless.

their old album had some catchy songs and the rest were some kinda spaced out music and from that 2 songs, it seemed to me that they had given up their catchy tunes for the spaced out music. the album would just be zzz.

well i ended up downloading the album anyway (boredom forced my hand) and surprisingly as a whole it was quite good. the songs blended well together and i just felt the melodies were more subtle but really stayed there once it got into my head.

and although it is after just one listen, i think the biggest disappointment would be metric. listen for yourself.