noped

sometimes i feel the worst part of this job search thing is that i can't ever seem to get anyone's opinions on any prospective job that may or may not be interested in.

basically everyone (EVERYONE) thinks that i have been jobless for long enough that any job would be fine at this stage.

let's say i see a job ad for a road sweeper and i'm considering the pros and cons, so i ask my friends for some opinions.

hey what do you think of this road sweeper job?

yeah i think it's not bad!

but it's a road sweeper. i'm gonna be a road sweeper.

i really think it's not bad! you gotta start somewhere! can't expect too much from your first job! no harm in trying it out!

yeap those 4 sentences in the last line are what everyone is telling me. should i listen?

anyway this came to mind because i saw some openings in banking compliance and i was thinking about it in my semi-desperation, despite having no intention to join the banking or finance sector previously because it sucks so terribly and i feel like i would lose my soul.

i was about to ask some friends what they thought about this, but i already knew what they would say...

ok i shall try asking just to prove my point.

dmfk

one afternoon i was on the bus, standing as it was quite crowded but not overly so. midway through the ride, i realised that this fucking secondary school boy was leaning on me. his back was facing my side and his schoolbag was pushing into my arm.

i looked to his front and it was nowhere crowded enough for him to be squeezing against me. mofo. i started to apply pressure back at him, hoping that he would get the message and move away. but this mofo! he started pushing back!

let's get this straight, he was leaning against my arm, and he was now leaning in more when i tried to get him off? of course i applied more and more pressure and so did he. and then to confirm that he was indeed pushing back and not being squeezed by the crowd, i suddenly moved away and he stumbled!

LOL what a dumb fuck! and it was really only this mofo leaning on me because no one around him was even slightly affected when he stumbled.

i thought that would be the end of things but fucking hell he started to lean on me again. i pushed, he pushed back, and when the pressure was at its greatest, i moved away again, and again the fucker stumbled and nearly fell down.

seriously what a dumb fuck, he wants to play and yet didn't learn anything from the first time. and of course because he is a bloody fucking mofo, he started to lean on me again. this time i was cautious, because i didn't think anyone would be so fucking stupid to fall for the same trick thrice.

i pushed back, but did so by shifting my feet closer to him, so that if he tried to pull my own trick on me and suddenly moved off, i would just be standing there unaffected.

i really allowed the pressure to build this time, and this fucker was persistent. when i thought he would least expect it, i gave him one hard burst of pressure and when he pushed back equally hard, i stepped away and i really had to stifle my giggles as he fell for it again FOR THE THIRD TIME.

my only regret being that he didn't fall to the ground, because aside from the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, i was rather pissed off at that point too. i might have just fallen on top him and maybe bounced around for a good measure.

anyway fortunately for both of us, some people alighted at the next stop and we both moved to separate areas of the bus. i do wonder if he tried to lean on anyone else that day.

dprs

i know i'm not the most optimistic person around (some call me negative, i call it realistic, but actually i'm an idealist at heart), but damn, sometimes people's views of the world really make me feel so depressed.

for example i was listening to 2 of my friends talking about work, they were like blah blah job description etc.

friend A: so do you like your work?
friend B: it is shit, but show me someone who truly loves his job. you have no choice, you just have to do it.

and of course, what else depresses me more than work? relationships. as people grow older, their relationships are based less on feelings and more on criteria, and to me this is just so totally sad.

this one i am really unable to comprehend. what is the purpose of being with someone other than for love?

if we display this as an equation,
relationship = love
relationship - love = SYS ERROR
UNABLE TO COMPUTE

they say that this is life, perhaps i don't want anything to do with this life.

bye bye beautiful

i got on the bus and there was only one seat available, next to a girl who was slouching deep in her seat. she was just a normal girl, not particularly good looking, pale, and she was was tiny, even more so with her posture.

only other thing i noticed was her top because it looked quite cute on her, a blue blouse with a sort of floral pattern. aside from that i didn't pay her much attention and soon dozed off.

suddenly the bus made a turn and my head bumped into her shoulder. the impact was rather hard since my head traveled quite a distance as she's so tiny. it woke me up and i immediately apologised.

"sorry," i said. she turned to me and smiled.

oh my god.

she is beautiful.

the special kind of beauty that i could see myself marrying someday.

cherry red lipstick, it was that smile that captured me. i was awestruck.

i spent the remainder of the ride sitting there uncomfortably, forcing myself to stay awake least i bump into her again, but mostly yearning for a second look at her beauty.

alas, she was too close for me to look without appearing creepy. i thought i could steal a glance when she was alighting, but didn't manage to as well.

so now all i'm left with is that single second and this post to remember her by.

the red devils

i've been feeling rather riled up lately regarding the state of the team i support. it has been in a state of decline for the past 3-4 years now with little improvements being made. sure, they won the league, but anyone can see that this team is nowhere near what it once was.

and then today after getting more annoyed by their incompetence in signing players to shore up/replace glaring weaknesses in the squad, a moment of clarity finally descended upon me.

what makes a club? it is the fans, the players and the history. how empty it would feel if a club simply got rid of its players the moment their performances dip, regardless of their past success, loyalty and hard work. it is especially cold when their loss in ability is purely resultant from aging and getting past their prime.

i now realise what the manager have done in the past years was to allow his old, aging, injury-ridden squad to play to the best of their abilities. sure, they might not be as fast, as skillful or as exciting as they once were, but he used them in ways that brought the best out of them. he could just as easily have gotten rid of them for new, younger players, but he remained loyal to the men that have worked for so long with him.

that's what good management is all about isn't it? bringing the best out of your men and giving them all the support they need to flourish. we'll just have to wait and see whether the new manager has this quality in him too.