sometimes

"and as the summer's ending, the cold air will rush your hard heart away."
photobooth - death cab for cutie

sometimes i get urges, not those that make me want to stick my hand into my pants, but something more disturbing. and no, it does not involve my ass and a foreign object.

years ago i was at a mcdonalds and for some reason i felt that i wanted to eat some fries off a stranger's tray. and i only snapped out when i was standing beside their table.

now, i sometimes feel like jumping out of my window. i feel compelled to find out what it feels like to be seconds away from death, hurtling through the air, waiting for impact. it's the kind of feeling that no living person has ever felt. and for some reason i want to experience it.

once i considered cutting one of my fingers off just to know what it feels like. the pain, the phantom finger, and what it feels like to be without something that has been with me since the beginning. besides, i don't use all my fingers.

please note that i'm really not crazy or suicidal. i do not get such urges all the time. i think i was just too bored during the holidays. but what i wrote is true. i think i'm just curious. very curious.

i have a feeling that people will think i'm crazy and alienate me after reading this. but i'm gonna post it anyway.

- written sunday morning, 29th may, 1.10 am, and again forgotten till now.

we're all cunts

"niceness is forgotten too easily. evil deeds are easier to remember."
- me

humans aren't really good historians. they tend to forget the past. or more like they tend to remember only the bad things people do.

no matter how many good things you've done in the past, they're all forgotten the minute you do something bad.

it's like a big black stain that covers all the nice golden good deeds. one evil deed overrides all goodness.

and it sucks.

i wonder why people bother to put in so much effort to be nice, only for it to be all gone once something bad happens. just be evil, then at least people won't be remembering you for the wrong reasons.

being evil is more fun anyway.

we're all cunts. we enjoy putting others down. so we remember the bad things they do and forget the good. as such, everyone is evil since goodness is erased.

we should all be angelic and nice; remember the good and forget the bad. this way, everyone would be nice and sexy. and happier too.

hi i'm back

it's the holidays now and i'm too damn bored. maybe it won't be so bad if i start blogggging again. maybe.

anyway i'm gonna write about my belifs in life, which should concern no one but myself. so if you don't agree with me, good for you. drop me a comment and maybe i'll change my mind. maybe.

today it's gonna be pre-maritial sex.


i don't think couples should have pre-maritial sex. because i'm angelic and such, you know? actually that's only partly true.

there are obvious reasons like pregnancy and shitty diseases, which every other idiot knows about. but there is also something about the cheapening of the relationship, i suppose.

suppose a couple had sex. and the guy decides to be nice and gives the girl flowers, just to be nice.
girl: "why is he giving me flowers? does he want sex again?"
girl then gets overly suspicious and fucks everything up.

so then, every other nice deed the guy does makes the girl think he's doing it for sex and nothing else. great.

there are 2 ways to solve this problem.
1) not have sex at all.
2) have sex all the time.

the second way works because the guy would be able to get sex despite what he does, so he obviously won't have to pretend to be nice to get sex. and the girl won't have to worry about him being nice to get sex. everything would be fine.

so i don't think couples should start having sex unless they want to do it all the time. or not start at all.