ho

my father is coming back, so i probably won't be around again. anyway, go watch this shit. and then go watch the videos on the site.

the killer maid from mars

my sister's lunch. bacon and rice. lots of bacon. she's gonna get salted to death like that slug.


my brother's face. stuffed with bacon and bread. lots of it. he's gonna get salted to death too.

my maid is a genius. she wants to kill us all so she has less work to do. too bad i'm a bigger genius; i don't eat her food.

top 5 things she does to kill us/make us commit suicide:

1) she has lots of friends who love to call her/be called by her.
and they're stupid, which is where the problem comes. they call her, she's not at home, they call again. and again. fucking hell, when no one picks up the phone, it means that no one is home. calling 10 more times doesn't change anything. sometimes when i bother answering, they call back 10 seconds after i put down. smart people.

2) she spews crap at a fast pace and it's in fucking tagalog.
in case you were wondering, tagalog is what they speak in the philippines. as known from point 1, she has a fucking lot of friends, and they like to call/visit each other. and when a group of filipinos get together, it's hell for the innocent bystanders. even when she's alone on the phone, the noise is deafening and fucking irritating. plus, she likes to use the speaker on the phone/handphone so we can hear both sides of the conversation.

3) she cooks shit and thinks it's nice.
she's been working here since 1990. here in my family. after 15 years, she still cooks shit. i mean, don't skillz improve after that many years? if i were to cook for 15 years, i'd be working as a master chef in france already.

4) she was an english teacher and her english sucks.
yes, it's true. i wonder what kinda crap she taught her students. she thinks 'heat it up' is a term. "i heat it up the food ok?" and that's just one bit of the crap she says. the good news is, despite living with her for 15 years, i haven't picked up anything bad from her. too bad my sister has. a lot.

5) she likes to talk to the television and thinks the characters will listen to her.
"oh shit, oh shit!" "no don't listen to him!" "ahhh!!! snake!!!" those were all spoken to the tv. no shit.

she does all these in hope that we will get too pissed off and jump out the window. it's a sure kill from the 21st floor. the only one who seems immune to the shit is my sister. i think she's gonna migrate to philippines in the future. after all, she is already one of them.

i'm reeelie stupid

i wonder why people pronounce 'really' as 'reely'. it's fucking dumb and iritating. reely. like that fat woman from the big unknown 2. "i reely enjoyed blah blah, everyone here is reely nice to me." bleaurgh. fuck off.

teenage everything

watched an advertisment on tv yesterday. a girl asked a minister about what he thinks of teenage smoking. there's been all kinds of shit about teenage everything that is bad. smoking, drinking, sex, drug abuse, whatever. all of a sudden bad things seem worse when they're done by a teenager.

but is there a difference? i don't think so. an old man smoking is just as bad as a teen smoking. except maybe the young guy has a few extra years to burn his lungs.

maybe it's because we're still kids. little kiddies, no different from a 3-year-old. when i was 10, i thought i was old enough. my brain felt developed. now when i look at a 10-year-old, i tend to think they're stupid. like i can talk shit and confuse them without them knowing. then i remember, i was not stupid back then. or at least i didn't feel that way.

so maybe them adults are thinking the same way. "ooh, he's just a teen. how can he do such things?" and everything bad gets multiplied 10 times.

like my bastard cousin and his sister. my other cousin went to malaysia with them. at the shopping centre, bastard and his sister were pulling each others' pants down. "you fucking shit," his sister said, in front of everyone, after her pants got pulled. she is only 8.

come to think of it, it's quite the norm with us teenagers. we hurl vulgarities at each other in public. a lot. just for the fun of it. we definitely don't find that offensive. but i don't think that way regarding my cousin. just because she's young.

death at 101

"you read about people looking peacefully asleep when they're dead, but they don't. johnny just looked dead. like a candle with the flame gone."
ponyboy - the outsiders

someone died last friday. she was my mother's mother's mother's sister. so i suppose she is my great-grand aunt. she was 101. she looked after my grandmother after her mother died, so i suppose i wouldn't be around if not for her.

it's the 5th funeral i've been to. some say that dead people look like they're sleeping, but the dead people i've seen just looks dead. they look artificial. like wax figures. maybe it's because of the preservatives used. my cousin said she looked peaceful.

i was wondering if there was more to it after a hundred and one years. something more than a cease in existance. a hundred years to live compared to eternity is very short. one day i'm gonna find out first-hand. but if it's just a deep sleep like i tend to believe, then i wouldn't ever know, since it's impossible to realise you're sleeping when you're asleep.

i think it's a bad ending. being dead and not knowing it. like watching a play and suddenly all the actors stop acting. you wonder if the play is over or if that's just part of the show. but you never know.

garrr

go read the life section of the straits times. paying a thousand dollars for a pair of jeans that says FTW is stupid. $1000, all for the sake of exclusitivity. why not just go buy like 200 pairs of cheap pants and write FTW all over them? wouldn't that be more unique since no one has the same handwriting?

rumble mumble gamble gamble

wow. the government has decided to build a casino. 2 casinos actually. and they also decided to call it an integrated resort to give it an air of innocence. that's almost as bad as calling satish a human being. i'm pretty sure they already made the decision a long long time ago. but being a 'democratic' country, of course they had to seek the permission of the masses. i do believe that many people were against it, but as i've said, it was only a feeble attempt to seem democratic when they've already decided to continue.

i was watching the parliment talk on tv last night. and i nearly fell asleep. i wonder how the mps manage to sit through hours and hours of that crap. and they're not even allowed to say things like 'bullshit', which some guy painfully learnt after he was reprimanded and whatnot after a fellow mp sabo-ed him.

anyway, they were showing various mps giving their opinion about the issiue. like how they would have special councellors to help people who are identified as hardcore gamblers. wow, how very kind of them. it's like feeding shit to a person then providing them with a stomach pump for FREE.

back then, channel news asia sent gurmit singh to genting to interview the people. so what's the point? not as if they would have some fucking incredible tales to tell or anything. the locals would obviously say that casinos are good, since they would be laughed at if they suggested otherwise. gamblers would obviously say that casinos are good, non-gamblers would say no. interview? bah.

"hey hey, let's interview that guy over there!"
"hi sir, how do you feel about the casino?"
"oh the casino sucks. casino is evil. no casino!"
"but you just stepped out of one."
"..."

i love singapore.


found a slug in one of the potted plants outside my house last night. i sprinkled salt on it, thinking it would dissolve. but it didn't, much to my surprise. it just shed it's slime-skin and continued on its way. for some reason, my maid was really freaked out by it, screaming and shouting. in fact, it was she who notified me about it through her screaming.


slug in hiding. look at the bit of slime-skin still attached to the tail.


shedded slime-skin.

interesting though, for she once told me stories of how they would remove leeches with bleach back in philippines. and the slug was not even anywhere near her. guess she lived in comfort for too long. anyway, in her freaked-out state, she gave me a whole tablespoon of salt.


aftermath of salt attack.


saw the new pope live on tv last night. he is 78-years-old. the last one died at 83. guess his reign won't last too long.

lists

grand list of things i don't eat, much to the dislike of my mother:
1) butter
2) margarine
3) luncheon meat
4) skin
5) cucumber
6) most/all of my maid's cooking
7) fried rice with fake char siew
8) white milk
9) cheese
10) maggi
11) mayo
12) tartar sauce
13) steamed fish
14) fats
15) shellfish (sometimes)

i'm sure there are others that i can't think of right now. butter is oil. margarine is fake oil. oil is fats and i don't fucking eat oil. luncheon meat is disgusting. white milk is smelly. cheese too. maggi and fried rice were nice until i over-ate them. then they sucked as well. mayo and tartar sauce are shit. i wonder why people eat them. steamed fish is fucking slimy.

shellfish eats shit at the bottom of the sea. and people eat them. i used to eat shellfish too. sometimes when i rip open one, it smells of diarrhoea. think some fishermen had a stomach upset and shat in the sea. if you squeeze the back part of a shellfish, shit will come out. actually i'm not sure if it's the shellfish shit or shit the shellfish ate. maybe it's shit the shellfish ate converted into shellfish shit. hmm...

my mother seems to be against me not eating such things. like when she gives me a slice of butter bread (WTF?! oil and bread?) and i refuse to eat it, she calls me stupid and proceeds to eat it herself. it's not as if she doesn't know that i don't eat those things, and yet she continues to ply me with them.

of course, not including 'food' items like shit and soil in the list doesn't mean that i eat them. i was kinda hoping you people had more brains than to suggest so.


and since i'm damn bored now,
top 10 songs to download:

1) this time imperfect - afi
2) god called in sick today - afi
3) morningstar - afi
4) 6 to 8 - afi
5) wester - afi
6) the prayer position - afi
7) ever and a day - afi
8) the lost souls - afi
9) the despair factor - afi
10) narrative of soul against soul - afi

oops, all afi songs. for the sake of non-afi fans,
top 10 non-afi songs to download:

1) the calander hung itself - bright eyes
2) haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh - bright eyes
3) i'm not ok (i promise) - my chemical romance
4) my eyes burn - matchbook romance
5) mr. brownstone - guns n' roses
6) think about you - guns n' roses
7) capital h - motion city soundtrack
8) blue carolina - alkaline trio
9) take me out - franz ferdinand
10) blood red summer - coheed and cambria


zen micro random play all:
seven months - letter kills

ack

word of the week : matriculation (noun)
- to admit or be admitted into a group, especially a college or university.

went to the ngee ann poly matriculation last friday. matriculation?! what the fuck is that?! imagine what all the bengs and mats would say. "eh hi, i'm here for the ma... mat-tri... ah chee bye what the fuck is that thing..." registration is so much easier.

on the way there, i realised that there is a school called trinity theology college at bukit timah road. since it's filled with what seems to be foreigners, it should be some kind of united world college kinda school, except lousier and cheaper.

"hiii..." seems pretty normal, except that it sounded extremely feminine/gay. and it was from a guy. at first i thought he was kidding. then he began speaking in that extremely feminine/gay voice.

he then told us to attend some camp shit which was supposedly compulsory for all business and accountancy students (in his unique voice). the previous guy was more interested in speaking to the 2 girls in front of me, and told them a whole lot of shit about registering at the counter. so i wanted to ask him about that, but i decided against it.

voice."make sure you all atttend ah?" he said. "especially you," he said to me.

now i really hope he isin't gay. just REALLY REALLY feminine.


new word of the week : mulatto (noun)
- an offspring of a black and a white parent.

school was once filled with poseurs and other assorted idiots. now, it's still the same deal, except that they can dress in anything they want. hip-hoppers can dress in their hip-hop clothes, poseurs can dress in their posing clothes. normal is a word that doesn't exist here. maybe except for me.

some people say being normal is conforming to society, being a good boy. people want to be abnormal because they don't want to be normal, because they think being normal sucks. but isin't that also conformity?

i don't smoke because i know that it kills, not because i'm a good boy. it's not as if "smoking kills" was created as part of a propoganda campaign to put people off the stick. it's the truth. smoking for the sake of smoking is conformity. not smoking is using your brain.

people claim that they like to be themselves, and their clothes help bring out their character, make them feel unique (ie. hip-hopper dress in hip-hop clothes, etc). all's well and fine with that, except that their unique dress code is copied 20,000 times over by other various hip-hoppers and such related people. so how unique is that?

besides, wearing lots of 'diamond' jewellery is just screaming "WHOO!!! LOOK AT ME!!!" in other words, it's attention seeking. maybe it's just me, but i think that uniqueness does not need to be expressed through clothes. if a person is really unique, there isin't a need to wear a shirt that says "i'm unique, look at me!"

1) conformity rules.
2) not-conforming for the sake of it is conformity.

i am a conformist through the first rule.
however, i conform by my own rules. does that make me unique?


transferred all my old songs from the laptop to me zen micro. so i'm gonna be listening to poppy nonsense for some time. listening to old songs brings back memories. singers like jason mraz and eminem remind me of the time i was in sec 3, studying for my final year and listening to perfect 10, while britney spears and m2m remind me of my primary 6 days.

i'm bored - part 2

i was bored yesterday, so i went online to search for things other people do when they are bored. it seems that bored people do this. since i am a bored person too, i did this.




in case you were wondering, yes, i have nothing better to do.

crappy craps and more crap

last saturday when i was going home, i saw this:

that dude chose a wonderful spot to die, right in the middle of the road. aparrently he hit the car and rolled to the middle and got run over by the tibs bus. as he lay dead, traffic was blocked as buses could not follow their usual route down the road.

then, there were the onlookers, standing intently by the road, perhaps hoping that he would suddenly turn zombie and eat all of them up. or maybe they wanted to see some ghosts. fuck, it's a dead man. covered in cloth. there's nothing to see. no brains, no blood, no shit. just a bulging white cloth and a wrecked motorcycle. even the people in the bus started moving to the front to have a better view, craning their necks, trying to get a glimpse of nothing.

and i was stuck in the bus for close to 20 minutes before they moved the body. the great thing was the bus stop was only aboout a hundred metres away.


went to get a 'proper' hair cut for the first time since last august on friday. and it turned out as fucked as when i do it myself. so what's the point of spending $10 to get fucked hair when you can do it yourself? i wonder. and i still spent the money. my mother came home and thought i cut my own hair again. so she said it was ugly. then i told her the truth. and she said it was actually quite nice. opinions change so damn fast.

40 years

this is what 40 years of independence and a multi-cultural society produces.


the mat:
fake von dutch cap, anarchy t-shirt, studded belt with plastic studs, tapered pants and slippers.

i've always wondered how they manage to fit their feet through the tiny holes in their pants. and i thought anarchy was illegal?


the gay chinese boy:
spiked hair, oversized pink giordano shirt, oversized bermudas and beat-up nike dunks.

pink should never be seen on a guy. spiked hair is stupid. people should learn to buy new shoes.


the black dude:
curly and oily hair, gold chain, tight black t-shirt, gold ring, bell-bottom jeans (ocasionally shiny) and fake 4-striped adidas superstars.

for some reason, they like to wear black. maybe it gives them a sense of homeliness. and i thought bell-bottoms died out after saturday night fever? it's 2005, not 1985. 4-striped shoe wearers should die. gold chains and rings gives them a false sense of richiness.


the hip-hopper:
beanie, lots of bling, oversized basketball jersey, more bling, colourful boxers, baggy pants, shoes that are 5 sizes too big.

i actually prefer spelling it 'poser', but since 'poseur' is the correct spelling, i shall try to follow. hip-hoppers are not locally produced, but come from america. i think that the 2 worst products of the us are hip-hop and george bush. however, they come in a variety of races instead of just white. the hip-hopper thinks big is good, and definitely doesn't agree that less is more. so they always wear the biggest set of everything they can find.

hip-hoppers wear beanies because it's fucking snowing in singapore and it's damn cold out there. they wear lots of 'diamond' jewellery because they don't realise how ridiculous it looks. big basketball jerseys because it's played in america, the land of hip-hop, and not because they play basketball. they sometimes wear baseball jerseys instead.

they hang their pants around their dicks because everyone else does it, and also to show their boxers to anyone who cares to look. big is better, so their pants are made to fit an elephant. so are their shoes. some stupid hip-hoppers wear skate shoes instead, because they're stupid.


everyone wants to be unique now. in the future, everyone would be so fucking unique that a normal person would look unique instead because he's the only one who doesn't dress and act like a fucktard.

and it's raining again

i think i'm the only one person around here that misses the heat wave we had not too long ago. too bad i always don't get what i want. but the rain offers a tiny bit of consolation. "after all, it's raining and i can't go out," i tell myself, when in fact, there isin't any place to go, or anyone to go out with me for that matter. everyone are either at work or school. or they just don't seem to be able to type a proper sms to reply me with.


i once read that people who are born blind can dream too. and they actually DO see something in their dreams. scientists say it's inherited memory. like when you put a worm in a maze, and after it finds it's way out, all of it's offspring will be able to do so as well without any difficulty. maybe the dream you had, about you fucking some hot babe. the one that felt so real, maybe it wasn't just a dream.


i realised that the 3540mb of space left on my zen micro is meant to be filled up. so i decided to outsource from the better artists of vans warped tour '04 i got from bin, and downloaded 38 songs.


zen micro random play all:
my michelle - guns n' roses

5938

people celebrate days. stupid girls celebrate their first month aniversaries with their 'bf'. then second month. then half a year. actually i think it's kinda unfair. cos when they compare their relationship length with their friends, the months are different. like couple a were together during january and couple b were together during febuary. both of them were 'bf/gf' for a month, but couple b's period is shorter by 3 days.

people should start counting by days. a person who lived 80 years could have a shorter life than another 80 year-old who had the luck of living through a few more leap-years. i'm gonna celebrate my 5938th day alive. WHOOOOHOOOO!!!!11

it seemed like not too long ago that i was doing research on pope john paul 2 for my computer lesson website, wondering who the fuck was the 'po-pi'. that was 4 years ago. now he's dead. i do hope that god, in his sense of the word exists. it would be very tragic for someone who devoted his entire life working for god to die and realise that it's zeus, and not jesus.


spent the entire morning removing sticky gunk left behind after i tore off the griptape from my old skateboard. i could never have done that in the past, since i would have seen it as a complete waste of time. but now i have so much time on my hands that i can spend 3/4 hours removing gunk and not think "hey, i could have done so many things during that time." and i love this.


got the motorcycle diaries from bin. he said i'm not going to enjoy it after i told him i was not interested in watching a show about a retard in forrest gump. and i would have to agree although i haven't watched it yet. i do think it is quite offensive for actors to act as retards or other assorted handicapped people. no one wants to be retarded, and yet they act as retards. they should cast retards in roles of retards. watched 28 days later last week. nice show, even though the general focus was not on the zombies.

2 months

if i'm not wrong, school's gonna start on 24 may. which gives me 2 more months to rot at home. actually this is quite fun, since it's the longest holiday i've had, and possibly the longest i will every have. or at least till the time i retire in 50 years' time.

i've never seen the point of studying or working. everyone should live like i'm doing now. the government should make robots to farm and give us free food. money would not be needed since no one works. then everyone can do anything they want and be happy. we all study to prepare for work, and since working is pointless, so is studying. you work and work, the odd lucky fucker becomes a millionaire, while the rest just slog off their entire lives, only to realise that hell money is alot cheaper and easier to come by.

in other words, they die and realise they've worked for nothing. i doubt anyone in hell would bother listening to you boast to them that you owned a ferrari while you were living. and that's considering there is some form of an afterlife. if there isin't, then good luck. nothing really matters when you're dead.

anyway, what i'm trying to say is that working is useless, studying is useless, and the government is useless because they're unable to provide us with robots to farm. but actually, robots are not really needed. they just need to capture a few slaves like satish to farm for them. ALL HAIL THE SLAVE TRADE.

ps. the last sentence was a joke. however, the one before it comes from the bottom of my heart.