(almost) a month on

i think the one thing i miss most about my hair is feeling the wind blowing through it. it just feels more organic that i have something fluttering when the breeze comes, like part of me is bonding with nature. (i sound gay, i know)

the (real) reasons i cut my hair:
1. i was traumatised
2. i needed to change something [anything]
3. i needed luck [2006 was shit]
4. i was bored [related to (3)]
5. i was irritated by my hair
6. i couldn't remain a longish-haired cunt my whole life

thanks

to the old man who gave us tickets because they were all sold out.
to the cute girl who asked the old man for tickets.
to the 55,000 other people in the stadium.
to the clouds for holding back the rain.
to the team for winning.

it sure was fun.

we had our fun, now it's time to leave

today was possibly the last day my class would be together in a classroom. next semester, new classmates for everyone.

i suppose it's been a good 2 years together despite the many problems that happened on the way.

being a 'neutral' for most of the time, i can safely say that we had a good class with good people. it's just a pity that these good people aren't too good with one another.

so now it's gonna be exams in 2 weeks, holidays in 3 weeks, new semester in about 3 months.

i'd be happy if my new class was half as good as this one.

pen on paper / pen in my chest

once upon a dream

i was going to fight in a war and before i left, i gave the girl of my dreams (literally) a hug.

at that moment, everything felt so peaceful and natural. it was like nothing i've ever experienced before.

laugh or cry?

when in doubt, it's always better to laugh before you cry.

this is because while you are busy crying, you can always take a moment to wonder WHY THE FUCK were you laughing only a moment ago, and start laughing again at your own stupidity.

i do that all the time.

because i'm cooler than you

Ryan is a name from irish gaelic meaning 'little king'. it derives from the old irish word rí, meaning "king", combined with a diminutive suffix, -án. traditionally a surname, Ryan has passed into use as a given name since the 20th century.

hail to the thief

i don't dare to look old people in the eye when i see them. i feel like i've stolen their youth.

there's this old man and old woman who sit on the bench below my block. they sit there everyday. i've been seeing them since i moved here in 1998 and i've watched as they grew older and older. back when they were fit and healthy till now when they can barely get around with their walking sticks.

i've watched as they waited to die, waiting on the bench.

i don't dare to look at them in the eye because i have stolen their youth. they seem to have so much that they want to do but are unable to because of their age. and there is so much that i can do but i'm wasting it all away.

youth is so precious to them and i'm treating it like a commodity.

it's like flushing food down the toilet bowl in front of starving africans. i feel ashamed. that's why i look away.

stagnation causes early death

"i would tell you that i love you if i thought that you would stay, but i know that it's no use and you've already gone away."
boys don't cry - the cure

right now i'm waiting for school to end in a month or so, waiting for the holidays. i don't know why i'm waiting because i know that i would be so incredibly bored during the holidays.

and then i'll be waiting for school to start.

but there is nothing else to look forward to, so this is the best of the shit that i have.

i'm determined to make 2007 a good year, even if i have to beat the shit out of it for that to happen.

i need someone to save me.

i'm lying just to keep you here

i thought that shaving my head would bring about some drastic changes, maybe for the better.

but it's still me, and i'm still fucked.

changes on the surface will never affect what goes on inside.

what i like to call rationality is actually cowardice in disguise, and it's a very very lousy disguise.

maybe i just have to wait, after all changes do not happen overnight.

when my eyes close for the last time

the remembrance ballad - atreyu
this song plays at my funeral.
listen to it here.

"what if i could take back all those misspent days?"

how much fun

sososo you know i'm a baldie now, and people have been asking why.

the most common reasons i gave are as follows:

1. i went to jail
2. stress-related hair fall (half-truth)
3. i got traumatised (most truthful)
4. i was bored (quarter-truth)

pros:
1. i don't have to dry my hair
2. i don't have to worry about what it looks like
3. my eyes don't get stabbed when it gets windy

cons:
1. my head gets cold on the bus
2. i can't cover my eyes with my hair and secretly look at chicks
3. there are wrinkles on my forehead
4. my ears stick out

seriously, this shit better bring me some good luck.


now playing
bend your arms to look like wings - funeral for a friend

bloody ingrate

i was happily surfing pr0n when i saw a mosquito flying around my screen, distracting me from the hardcore action going on.

it was an aedes mosquito because there were stripes on its body. i wanted to slap it, but decided not to, because it's only a cute innocent little mosquito. (and because i was watching pr0n)

then a while later, i saw the same mosquito flying around again, except that this time it had a big and red stomach.

THAT FUCKER BIT ME! AND IT'S AN AEDES MOSQUITO! DENGUE FEVER!

so i slapped him and took delight at the sight of the bright red smudge of blood on my palm.

at least i know what to do if i get a fever now.


now playing
the end - bullet for my valentine

resolution

1. learn to stand up straight
1. learn to recognise my blad reflection
1. drink more
1. get married
1. become EXCELLENT in at least one of the following- skating/ football/ studies/ hooking up with hot chicks, failing which i will kill myself

bless me

my hair has been long-ish for the past 2 years or so. my mother said that i suffer from bad luck because the hair covers my forehead.

2006 was fucked, and 2 hours into 2007, bad shit happened.

i was worried the the bad shit would continue for the whole year, so i decided to shave my head and fucking HOPE that good luck would follow.

i'm a baldie now. if it doesn't work, i'm FUCKED.

no reason to live = good reason to die

oh fuck, i'm still alive.

"turn off this machine, cos this is the only thing that's keeping me alive."