brb

"what if i could go to sleep for days, would you count the hours
or would your restlessness consume fading memories of me?"
at a glance - afi

i fell sick for what must be the first time in here, on the day before OBS. what great timing! oh and i'm expecting to lose about 2kg+ there due to lack of food. don't think i'm brave enough to eat the stuff that we're supposed to cook.

and there i go

tonight is the last night i'll be out of camp until 16 april. why? because we have to go to OBS at ubin for 16 days. it starts on april 1st and i was telling my friends that on the first day there, the OBS people will tell us "APRIL FOOLS! you're gonna be here for 21 days!"

i've been to OBS for 5 days back in sec 3, which is like whoa 6 years ago, and i thought it sucked major balls. seriously i think it's much better to go to field camp than OBS. so if 5 days was so terrible, just imagine 16.

i think the worst thing they told us to do was to wash our mess tins in the sea after eating and to use sand to scrub the insides, and then rinse with water when we wanted to eat. needless to say, the mess tins smelled like shit and i ate dry food throughout. some brave souls still cooked with the mess tins and i don't see how they managed to eat without puking everything out.

so 16 days. after that we're left with exactly 3 weeks so i guess that's sort of a bright light at the end of this stupid tunnel.

problems:

if you don't care, no one else would.

and if no one cares, the problems may as well not exist.

solved.

those damn spiders

a little while ago i was cleaning our future juniors’ room (for a little while anyway, before i decided to sleep on the chair by the corridor) because they’re coming in next monday. 1990 jc batch so we’re really like big brothers, unlike when we came in and our seniors were almost all a year younger.

so i was happily sweeping cobwebs off the walls and ceiling, and there were a hell lot of cobwebs, when i decided that it was too warm and so turned on the fan. i then watched in amazement as the cobwebs started floating about like ethereal strands of confetti, most still anchored to the walls or furniture and were fluttering vertically, trying to break free.

i guess it would have been quite a pretty scene if not for the fact that they were fucking cobwebs and i was at a great risk of them sticking to my body and/or hair. for the fun of it, i left the fan on and proceeded to swat the cobwebs out of the air with my broom, just for the fun of it. and then i continued sweeping the rest of the cobwebs and had more fun watching them in the wind.

written today at 4:15pm

FFL

i've got less than 2 months left in here and i'm very sure that it'll be over in no time, but it's just getting quite unbearable with all the waiting and waiting and waiting.

i know that 2 months is a very short time, especially given that we've already been in here for close to 6 months now, but it just gets to me that i have no other choice but to wait.

i think i need to buy a new pair of shoes, because wearing new shoes always make me feel like there's something special going on in life. it's like the ground i'm walking upon is no longer the same as before. maybe i'm just weird.

but anyway because i'm fucked for life, i find it impossible to find a single pair of shoes here that i would want to wear. just like how i've been trying to buy a nice plain white t-shirt since forever and am still unable to find one.

it's really strange because you'd think that something simple and plain and well-fitting and relatively affordable should theoretically be very easy to find but NO. everything out there is either expensive or fanciful or ill-fitting or just simply looks like shit. best if it's all of the above.

so as you can see, I'M FUCKED. i think i should start my own company manufacturing clothing that i would want to wear but am unable to find anywhere. at the very least i'd have clothes even if nobody else wants to buy my stuff.

now what?

some events i witnessed during my attachment has led me to wonder if it is really right for me to put myself at risk of death or serious injury by buying or riding a bike. i know it is very easy to say things like if i die, so be it, it’s fated, we all die someday etc.

dying is actually the easy part. the trouble is when your relatives and friends try to come to terms with your loss. is it ok to put them through such pain? you’d be dead, not feeling a thing, while they’re there grieving over your body. you got the better end of the bargain.

i saw a girl dead on the bed from a bike accident while her family and friends were crying and screaming around her. her pain has ended but theirs has just begun, and is going to last a long time. what if that happens to me?

one fine day

i've been wanting to punch someone, anyone, for the longest time now. never tried it before but i think it might be quite fun, to bring pain upon those who piss me off. it's not good to hold everything in the way i do.

and some recent events have just increased this little itch in me. i'm really just waiting for the wrong person to cross my path, and he (i don't punch girls) will be the proud recipient of my virgin punch.

maybe he will punch me back and i'll get it bad, but i really think it's gonna be worth it. it's not just about the punch, it's telling myself that no, i'm not going to be taking shit any longer.

of course i know there are better ways to do this, but fuck none of them are as fun as simply giving a punch, and none of them will get rid of my itch.

hopefully i won't enjoy it so much that i'll start punching everyone who pisses me off after this. that'll just be a disaster. but a good one.