erm so i worked today and sold an amazing TWO cameras in 10 hours. that's $11! you know, i'd rather spend my time sleeping at home. and the sad thing is that i found out i'm only working thursday and friday, once again a reserve for the weekend.
it's so sad because the big money only comes during the weekend and i won't be around for it. now everyone's just scouting around and wasting our time. the point is, please come down tomorrow if you wanna see me or you might never have a chance again for the rest of our lives.
i promised myself i am going to get $100 worth of commission tomorrow, and pray that i can work the weekend too. i am working with a bunch of weird and strange people which invaribly leads to a lot of funny incidents, but that's another story for another day.
and so after a tiny bit of drama, i am once again working this weekend, selling ohlampus cameras at comex. maybe you could come visit me, or if you're shy, just hide in a corner and sneek a peek.
even before work starts tomorrow, i am already thinking that i am not cut out in sales. what i've learnt from my job 'training' is that i must SELL SELL SELL. customer welfare is not important. the customer is just an object though which i can earn commission, and i MUST do everything in my ability to sell.
morals and ethics are thrown aside; lie and cheat and do anything just to get that little bit of commission.
perhaps it's not as bad as i make it seem, but that's the way i see it. i am unable to put aside my morals for a few dollars. maybe my thoughts will change after this weekend, and i will become a merciless salesman.
other than that, i've been drinking slightly more than healthy amounts and been witnessing many interesting drunken antics in the process. i have come to the conclusion that the best way to deal with such embarrassing drunken activities is to either pretend that nothing happened, or pretend that it wasn't a big deal at all.
"take only what you need, my love, and leave the rest behind don’t be afraid of where we’ll go, my love i promise you will be fine now you are the only one that's mine" tereza and tomas - bright eyes
so i've been reading the unbearable lightness of being, and in it, it says that there is 'lightess and heaviness', and that it is unknown as to which is positive or negative due to the fucked up nature of humans.
heaviness is characterised by being tied up to many issues in life, and that it makes you feel very 'heavy' with burden.
lightness is the opposite of this, being free of all burden, and therefore 'light'.
the problem is that neither lightness or heaviness is positive nor negative, and although you'd expect them to be easily differentiated, they are not. i am currently having a severe problem witht his heavy and light issue, and i assure you that it is not fun at all.
we just met a british girl who was arrested in singapore and charged with possession of marijuana, which she confirmed was true, and "they tested my piss and found it in there too."
marijuana brings a 10-year prison sentence, but somehow she managed to have all charges dropped against her. i think she is extremely fortunate, but she seems to be unable to recognise this.
she is currently waiting for university admission in the UK, and i do think that she is going to get into a whole lot of trouble there. good luck to her, because she didn't learn her lesson here and is going to have much trouble elsewhere. i hope she is going to be alright.
"i swear that you don't have to go i thought we could wait for the fireworks i thought we could wait for the snow to wash over georgia and kill the hurt i thought i could live in your arms and spend every moment i had with you stay up all night with the stars confess all the faith that i had in you too late, i'm sure and lonely another night, another dream wasted on you" three cheers for five years - mayday parade
"and if you go, i'll be gone and you'll be left alone to live your life, as you please but someday you'll agree that i was always meant for you you were always meant for me and you will see: that you're impossible" the big sleep - streetlight manifesto
top 5 things i'm glad i don't see often anymore 1. pink polo shirts 2. white framed specs /EDIT: handbags on guys (aka tote bags) 3. stupidly coloured hair 4. mats in striped shirts 5. multiple piercings on bengz
"we all want to die like movie stars," you said as you jumped from the height of our cutting room floor, while above us, glowing, exploding, our dreams burst forth in light and death. hold me and tell me "we'll burn like stars. we'll burn as we fall. watch as city lights dance for us." kiss and control - afi
i am very sad now because i was supposed to be working at comex fair next weekend after which i would become very rich, but my hopes are all dashed as everyone got the job except for 2 lucky individuals, and i'm lucky enough to be part of this small group of special people.
so now i've got no source of income and there goes all my grand dreams of what to do with the money, although it is not like there are really MANY things for me to buy, but it is good to feel rich once in a while, you know?
next weekend i shall stay home and mourn while my classmates go out and make themselves richer.
according to kundera, "being" is full of "unbearable lightness" because each of us has only one life to live: "einmal ist keinmal" ("once is nonce", i.e., "what happened once might as well have never happened at all"). therefore, each life is ultimately insignificant; every decision ultimately does not matter. since decisions do not matter, they are "light": they do not tie us down. but at the same time, the insignificance of our decisions - our lives, or being - is unbearable. hence, "the unbearable lightness of being". - wikipedia
most of the time i'm a very rational person, or at least i'd like to think i am. occasionally, i'll come across something like this, or just have sudden impulses and ideas which would make me do things according to my 'feeling'. after all, all my actions and decisions will not be of any consequence in the big picture, right?
wrong.
the actions may be a one-time event (insignificant, "what happened once might as well have never happened at all"), but the problems they bring are definitely long-lasting. it is only when i feel the pain and regret of my actions many months down the road that i realise that following my feelings suck big balls and that i should always be rational at all times.
i must think twice before doing anything, and then think again just to make sure. please slap me if i try to do anything stupid. i will be eternally grateful.
"and i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose but i know that that is impossible now and so i drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories because i just can’t think anymore about that or about her tonight" if winter ends - bright eyes
i've been exercising my liver the past 2 nights, drinking slightly more than i should be doing. but as they always say, you can never drink too much. so tonight it's round 3. my classmates are crazy.
all this drinking hasn't been kind on my wallet (although i don't have one) and i bought 2cds just because they were cheap and sooo good. the first is by bright eyes and was produced when he was only 18, which makes me wonder just WHAT am i doing with my life now.
my mother thinks that i should go learn driving and i'm not against the idea, except that we don't have a car and i don't have anyone to chaff around anyway. or maybe we'll buy a car and then its only purpose is to drive myself to school and back everyday, which just further enhances how freaking lonely life is.
besides, i think driving is a hassle. it's so much easier to take a bus or a cab and i don't have to worry about getting into accidents because if i die and someone else is driving, at least i can say that it's not my fault. and i'm also worried that i'll cause the deaths of others when i drive, because it's so tempting to knock down some people just for the fun of it. cheap thrills, they say.
i think i'm going to learn driving. i need things to occupy myself with because this holiday is going to be long and i need to stop my mind from wandering off into the distance and visiting the graves of the dead.
so as you should know, there's been an earthquake in peru last wednesday and many many many people are dead or dying and many people are suffering now.
the sad thing is, i just realised that i haven't even bothered about them. i've been seeing news about this for the past week and i just think "oh." not a bit of sympathy or sadness, not any prayers for them (if prayers actually work), nothing. just "oh."
i think that sums up what a nice person i am.
i've always thought of why shitty things always happen to me, but now i realise that it's because i'm quite a shitty person myself.
i was switching channels when i came across tyra again just now. as usual she was wide-eyed and talking about some lame shit. i realised that she likes to tilt her head forward when talking, which enhances her already gigantic forehead.
also her hair covers most of her cheeks and she ends up looking like an alien. the brown part is her hair and the circle is where her head is supposed to be. her forehead is much larger than depicted.
my sister can sit and watch tv and finish off a whole box of chocolates in 15 minutes and she does this quite often. i think she's gonna become quite fat and unhealthy in the future. my maid loves to buy chocolates for her. i think she wants my sister to become as fat and unhealthy as herself.
my mother told her many times to stop buying chocolates because it's a waste of money and my sister is gonna turn into a fat bitch. she always says ok ok ok ok, and then a few days later more chocolate will mysteriously appear in the fridge.
she says "not my fault loh, your sister want me to buy." i say "is my sister your boss?"
it's always the case in here. mother says no, sister says yes, maid follows sister. most of the time it's because she stands to gain from following my sister, and if anything goes wrong, just say that it's not her idea.
obviously there is something wrong with her logic and thinking, as it doesn't seem to register that a 40-year-old woman should be the one making the decisions rather than a 14-year-old. however i find that it is impossible to instill logical thinking into her, and thus have given up all hope. anyway it's not me that's gonna turn into a fatty.
"boi" is a term often used within the gay community to refer to a young-appearing (and in reality relatively young) bisexual or homosexual male, especially one who is somewhat effeminate, or who merely wishes to distinguish himself with a different term from heterosexual boys. the term boi is also commonly used by those who are female to male transgendered. - wikipedia
ryan gay gayfag now even boi has homosexual connotations.
a man was knocked down and killed on the road across from my house last week. i walked past the spot today and saw the dark streaks that was his blood, flowing down the slant in the road.
i thought how little his death meant to everyone. i think when a person dies, only about 50 people are affected, and maybe only half of them are REALLY affected by the death. the rest of them just think, "oh, he died. i'm sad. boo." and then go on with their lives like nothing's changed.
in the grand scheme of things, we are really not even worth a shit. 50 years later no one will even remember that you once existed. i find this to be rather depressing for a large variety of reasons which i shall not articulate.
my mother told me that my grandmother's sister (grandaunt?) is suffering from cancer and her medicine costs like $400 every 2 weeks or something. she said she's gonna sell her house to pay for the medical costs once her savings run out.
i couldn't help but wonder why does she bother staying alive if life's gonna be so damn sucky. she is not married and has no children, she lives alone in an apartment that is soon going to be sold, she has cancer, she is going to suffer a lot even if she seeks treatment.
maybe i'm just being extremely cynical, but she seems to be in a tunnel, except there's no bright light shining at the end of it. it's just a long and dark tunnel that would only end at her death. even if she recovers from her illness, what else is there for her?
shit, i almost sound as though i want her to die, which is very untrue. i'm just curious about humans.
i was watching martha on tv the other day, and i just thought she gave off an incredibly evil aura. she looks like the type who would cook little children for lunch, and then invite their parents over to share the meal. yes, that kind of evil.
anyway i also realised that she's quite a shitty host. she was trying to cook some potatoes i think, and i counted her saying 'errr' 10 times in a minute (yes i'm very free). that's 600 'errrs' in an hour. how the heck did she get so famous?
"this is errr the potato and errr we're gonna errr cook it, but first errr we need to cut it up errrrrrrrrrrrr." is she suffering from brain damage? if so then i'm terribly sorry and hereby retract all my comments.
of all the talkshows, i think opera is the best because she gives lots of gifts to her guests. ellen is second, although most of the time she seems like a rather demented woman. tyra is rather crap, all she does is open her eyes really really big and gasp and say "oh my god..." whenever her guests say something even vaguely emotional. and of course, martha is SHIT.
i'm really not that gay and i don't watch talkshows frequently. REALLY.
i've only got 3 papers to study for, and it would be complete BALLS if i failed to do well. but of course, there are always reasons to not study.
like how my eyes are blurry, and i can't see clearly. i can read things on the computer but i can't read my notes (seriously) and i get very irritated because i can't see.
maybe i'm just irritated by notes in general.
forget about studying. let's just listen to music.
"do you know that i still think about you? even though i know that it's too late. do you know that i'm still missing you? especially right now you're far away. there's no need for you to tell me that i'm sorry, there's no need for you to tell me that i'm sorry, said i'm sorry, said i'm sorry..." find a way - plain sunset
i am rather pissed off because the wind blew a bamboo pole down and some cunt stole my pants off the pole, leaving behind the rest of the clothes intact.
however i am unable to release my anger because there is no outlet. the closest culprit i can find is the wind, and i can't punch the wind or shout at the wind. of course i would punch the guy if i see him wearing my pants, and then strip them off him. (really)
would it be against the law for me to rob someone of my own pants? we shall see.
in the meantime, my anger is being repressed, forced deep into my consciousness.
whenever i go out, i am always plugged into my mp3 player from the moment i step out of my house till i get to my destination. very anti-social, i know.
once in a long while, i would decide that my mp3 player is too bulky or unnecessary and just leave home without it. and i would ALWAYS regret my decision.
like for example today, i went out without my mp3 player. i got on the 67 and within 2 seconds, there was a family of 3 sitting behind me. i am absolutely sure that they weren't there when i was first seated, but decided to sit behind me because i'm so sexy.
from what i could hear, i deduced that the father was old, like 50+, the mother was vietnamese (vietnam bride?), and their son was like 3 years old.
i wanted to kill their son. he was 'talking' in a very loud, fast and high pitched voice. i say 'talking' because i don't think the semi-nonsense that he was spouting could be considered as speech.
he was telling his father (and the rest of the bus) about his "fah-foh-mer" (transformers) and how it could fight or some shit.
then he asked "why why why gibberish gibberish why why why," and his father couldn't understand his gibberish and couldn't answer his question so he continued asking "why why why."
and his mother would once in a while start talking in vietnamese and i wondered if she was talking to herself because her husband never seemed to be able to comprehend her. but their son seemed to understand because he would reply her, although i don't know if the reply is in gibberish or vietnamese.
then this part nearly made me laugh out loud. boy: "i bite you ah, i bite i bite!" father: "OUCH YOU BITE MY EAR! YOU BITE MY EAR! you see lah, ang ang (red) already."
apparently he really DID bite his father's ear, and quite hard as well, because the father was shouting quite loudly.
next time i'm on the bus, i must remember to stay away from the following: kids, china-people, vietnamese, fillipinos, indians, mats, minahs, bengs, lians, aunties, uncles, squealing girls, roaring guys, etc.
actually i should just stay away from humans in general. except pretty and sexy girls of course.
i went to the movies and dinner (and drinking) with my (loving) classmates yesterday, and i must say, THANK YOU all for the care and concern you showed to a half blind man. it felt rather weird to have so many girls and guys fussing over me, forcing me to go to the doctor and even offering to pay for it, and asking me if i'm fine almost 20,000 times.
but of course it is very much appreciated.
that's my right eye yesterday. now both eyes are like that. it's so swollen that i even have double eyelids.
i had a fever this morning and i woke up sweating like shit, wetting the bed and everything else on it. my maid thought i had peed on the bed. i went to the doctor with my mother and he said that long john didn't cause my eye problem. he said it's a viral infection.
i think it was from moshing at baybeats, with all the mat juice flying here and there. something must have found its way into my eye.
doctor: "you know, there's a slight 1 or 2 percent chance that you will go blind, but that's ok, as long as you don't die."
i was eating at long john's just now. i was jabbing at my fries when a piece of oil/crumb flew into my right eye. i didn't feel any discomfort so i just wiped it away.
then about an hour later, my cousin told me there was still oil on my eye. i wiped it and sure enough, there was a yellow substance. but i knew that it wasn't oil, it was something that was coming out of my eye.
it looks like mucus but with the yellowish colour of pimple pus.
that happened at around 9pm just now. my eye is still ejaculating at the moment. it's not a HUGE amount, but it accumulates enough to bother me every half hour.
just so you know what happened if i go blind tomorrow.
it's baybeats again, and my body is sore after 2 days of moshing. yes, it looks incredibly stupid but it is also incredibly fun. and also painful.
i saw a dumb mat 'bodysurf' into a circle without anyone standing inside. i heard his head smack into the floor and he lay there while i laughed quite hard.
and then there were the girls. oh my, girls are fucking scary when they mosh. that's because those that dare to mosh are the real hardcore and violent ones. they hit me and i don't dare to go near them because they are girls and i don't wanna accidently touch them here and there.
then there were 4 cute girls pushing me from behind. when i say cute, i mean really CUTE like when you would describe a puppy or something. they were barely up to my chest in height and when they pushed, it was around my butt level. they looked like they were in sec 1 or 2.
so then, 4 cute little girls pushing me from behind with surprising force, and there was nothing i could do because i didn't wanna touch them. even when other people pushed me into them, i would try my best to help protect and keep them from harm.
i got elbowed in the jaw and it feels funny now. i'm going again tomorrow.
i'm happy to know that all these stupid project excitements will be gone by monday, and then me and my classmates can resume our happy and loving relationships. of course, new excitements will come in the form of final exams, but i am glad because it just adds some spice to life.
the 4 of us had $83 worth of dessert just because we could. eating all you can just for the sake of spending some money isin't exactly the best thing to do. i was shitting after the meal and i felt like puking.
thus i faced a very unfortunate dilemma of just where to puke? because i'd probably puke on my crotch if i tried to aim into the toilet bowl, or i could puke into my pants if i was not careful. or i could stand and puke and watch the vomit mix with my shit.
but luckily i didn't actually puke so i didn't have to make a choice.
the cure played for almost 3 hours, which is great. at some points in the concert, smith was standing less than 5 metres away from me. i have decided that he looks like a grandmother, but he looks really cute when he smiles.
i didn't manage to find a wife, so it was a completely wasted trip.
some other things:
1. many disgusting people like to make themselves very visible. they do so by dancing like mad dogs, screaming, etc. they want everyone to look at them and agree that they are disgusting.
2. some people think that they are human guitars and they like to 'sing' along to the guitar parts. "tututututututtuuttuuuu." they do not realise that they are stupid.
3. 90% of the audience were either malay, ang moh, or old.
4. i think i didn't know two-thirds of the songs they played. some kind of fan i am.
5. i am very sad that i didn't manage to find a wife. i shall go to sleep now.
