that's new

this morning i dreamt that i was a girl and i had a boyfriend.

we were holding hands and walking down the street and i felt that something was weird but couldn't figure out what it was.

when i awoke, i realised that the weird feeling wasn't that i was a girl and had a boyfriend.

it was because i had never held hands with someone who was taller than me before, that's why it didn't feel right.

but seriously wtf kind of dream was that?!

.

i haven't been updating because there isn't anything on my mind. i've tried to force it but it just feels wrong and i end up deleting everything.

i just remembered a couple of years ago i kept a journal, and for that one particular book, i tried to write every night even if i had nothing.

till today i haven't been able to bring myself to read that book. i think the writing is terrible and it contains too many details of things that i don't want to remember.

if i don't wanna read that shit, i'm pretty sure that you wouldn't want to as well.

but the song is about death

what they call love is a risk
to always get hit out of nowhere
by some wave and end up on your own

safe and sound

sometimes you read on the news of cheating spouses and shit like that, maybe a murderer or rapist, and all evidence is against them, nowhere left to hide but they're still denying any involvement.

and then you see that the wife is still there with him, believing that he's innocent. the whole world goes "look at that stupid woman!" most times i think the same too. it's so clear and yet she's supporting him?

but isn't that what love and marriage is all about? complete trust and faith.

i wonder if i'll be able to achieve this one day, to have complete trust and faith in my partner. perhaps that's when i'll really know that i'm in love, and not this bullshit 'love' that's being thrown around these days.

i have been against this idea because i feel that faith is too easily misplaced by those whom you bestow it upon. no one gives a shit about your faith and trust.

you can't eat it and you can't sell it, so what is it worth? i think that there's always a risk.

but when you're sure about things, there is no element of risk. you know that everything will be safe.